My Antonia/Descent to the Maelstrom
by Tanasia Maleficarum
Summary: Snape, a hot witch, Sirius Black, Death Eaters, Dementors, and Lord Voldemort on the rampage. A bit of action/adventure, as well. Since ff.net has disabled its hit counter, please r/r. That's the only way I know if anyone even read it.
1. My Antonia: The Seduction

     This story came about because of "The Tempesta Challenge." Tempesta DiCuore challenged me to write a Snape romance fic. But, there were a few catches. 1.) I had to seriously use the words post-nasal drip and porcupine. 2.) It had to be NC-17. 3.) Snape had to stay in character. 4.) It had to be with someone else who was never in a Harry Potter book. 5.) It had to have a real plot. And this is the end result. I hope you enjoy it. Please review and let me know what you think.   
  
Oh, yeah, and that standard disclaimer: all characters, accept for Antonia and her kids, are JK Rowling's. All... blah, blah, blah.   
  
  
        The potions master stood in his dank, dark dungeon, watching puffs of smoke pop up, and things burst into flame as he worked. To the average wizard, it looked like he was hard at work.  Of course, Severus Snape knew what he was really doing: working on a new beverage. It would be called, of course, the Severus Challenge.  The challenge was to see if you could drink this concoction without needing Poppy Pomfrey to restore your vision.  _Almost perfect_, he thought, adding a dash of porcupine quiver to the mixture… This had to come out better than the last attempt.  The last time Snape tried to create a drink, he ended up with a nasty case of post-nasal drip.  And a horrendous hangover.  
            His potions class at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry knew perfectly well that a hung-over Snape was not a fun Snape   
.             He checked the time and saw that it was nearly time for dinner.  The Severus Challenge would have to wait until yet another day. Dumbledore disliked his tendency to stay in the dark coldness of the dungeons…  
            The wooden door to his dungeon flew open with a bang.  "Snape!  Where are you, you greasy bastard!"  
            It was a woman's voice, and, needless to say, it was filled with rage.  
            But, it was a voice that he knew…  
            He looked up and saw the most breathtakingly beautiful woman that he'd seen since… since Lily.  
            Of course.  It was Antonia Delaney.  She was a year younger than him, a Ravenclaw, and always kind to him.  
            He greeted her with a sneer.  "Antonia.  What a surprise.  What made you drag your superior self back to Hogwarts?"  
            "Matthew Carter, of course."  
            Snape tried not to look confused.  "So, what does the little twerp have to do with _you_, your Royal Highness?"  
            She narrowed her beautiful blue eyes at him.  "He's my son.  The poor boy is forever sending home owls, begging for my assistance…"  
            "Aren't you embarrassed, having a boy like that?  One who is so hopelessly terrible at Potions, a class in which you excelled?"  
            "No, I'm embarrassed at having ever given a slimy git like you the slightest bit of my time," she spat, recalling her days in Hogwarts when she thought that Severus Snape was the sun, the moon, and the stars…  
            And, then, of course, she met David Carter in a muggle bar when she was seventeen, and Severus Snape had ceased to exist.  Even when she knew that Snape had become a death eater, she still adored him.  It wasn't very often that Antonia Delaney came across anyone who was her intellectual equal.  Snape was.  David wasn't her equal by a long shot, but he was kind and gentle, and he cared for her in a way that Severus Snape never would.  
            And, of course, David Carter was very generous with Antonia right up until the day he died… And he never pushed her to wed, even though he made it clear that he would take her for his bride, witchery and all, whenever she so desired.  Two children later, Antonia was ready to take the plunge, and marry the man that had been so kind to her.  
            Unfortunately, he died during a car accident on the way home from work…  
            Antonia tried not to think of that.  She worked in the Ministry of Magic's Accidental Reversal Squad, and she provided a good living for her children.  That was what was important.  And she'd be damned if she'd allow that greasy bastard to hurt her children.  Especially when he wasn't half the Potions master that she was.  She glided closer to the object of her rage, her slippered feet soundlessly gliding across the stone floor.  
            "Given me your time? Given me your time?  Is _that_ what you called it, when you hung around, waiting for Black and Potter to play their latest prank on me?" he spat. "Weren't you Black's lover by the end of our stay at Hogwarts?  Didn't you _prove _your motives?"  
            "Is that what you thought?  Is that why you thought I would beg your help in potions every chance I got, even though you knew perfectly well that I could do anything with a cauldron?"  She was astonished.  "I never knew a man could be that thick."  
            "Look at your boys, Mrs. Carter.  That should show you how thick a member of the male persuasion can be."  
            She angrily reached up and slapped his greasy cheek, and then wiped her hand off on her robes. "My name is Antonia Delaney, same as it has always been, Severus.  And I will not stand here and allow you to speak ill of my children."  
            Severus.  She had actually called him _Severus_.  Not Snape, not any of the other names that he was called, but _Severus_.  
            He stopped, and looked at Antonia Delaney for the first time in years.  Perhaps this was the first time that he'd ever seen her as she truly was…  She was so very tiny, and her robes flaunted her lovely curves, and her full breasts.  Her blue eyes were still the color of sapphires, and her golden blond hair cascaded down her back and past her waist in soft waves.  
            And her lips… They were just begging to be kissed. Soft and pink and full…   
            He slipped his hands around her tiny waist and, before he even knew what he was doing, he was kissing those beautiful lips.  
            She gave a muffled protest, and then, she melted against him, soft and pliant in his arms. Fifteen years ago, she'd fantasized about this.  And now, the brilliant Slytherin student she'd adored back then was kissing her, pulling her closer…  
            She pushed him away. "Damn you, Severus, I didn't come to your dismal little dungeons to make out with you.  You should have tried that fifteen years ago.  You might have even gotten lucky."  
            He sneered.  "Like I would have wanted your scrawny little girl body, anyway."  
            She laughed. "Yeah, that's right, Severus.  I was so damned unattractive…  That's why Sirius Black took me to the Yule ball, when he could have had any girl that he wanted."  
            "Did you go out to the bushes on the edge of the Forbidden Forrest and make out with him?"  
            "Of course not!  I was a Ravenclaw, not one of those slut Slytherin girls that use sex to their advantage."  
"I bet that was the only time Black was disappointed," he spat.  
            "What the Hell do you care about Black, anyway?  You're here, and you're free.  He's who knows where, hiding from the dementor's kiss."  
           . "He's still better off than me.  He's not standing in a dungeon with an ill-tempered shrew," he spat.  
            "What the Hell is with you?  Are you still a jealous little boy?  You have nothing to be jealous about, anymore!  You're alive!  James and Lily are dead! Sirius Black is on the run, and Remus turns into a dog once a month.  And you!  What have you become?  A brilliant, successful man with the world at his fingertips!"  
            Her long lashes swept up and down as her eyes took in the form of Severus Snape…  The broadness ofhis shoulders, his glorious height, the blackness of his hair…  She still thought he was beautiful… even though he was a pompous ass.  
            "Antonia, why do you say these things to me?  You never really wanted me when we were students.  I think it was all about slumming with the Slytherin, just to upset the Minister of Magic, himself.  And, of course, there was no lower Slytherin than Severus Snape."  
            She threw herself in his arms.  "That's not true, and you know it!  I wanted someone who was brilliant and kind and special.  And I saw that in you."  
            "Kindness," he sneered. "Why would you see that in _me_?"  
            She smiled an innocent smile, one reminiscent of their childhood.  "There is always kindness in the lost ones, my darling.  It just takes someone special to find it within you."  
            He wrapped his lanky arms around her.  She felt soft, like her silken robes, and she was so warm and pliant in his cold arms. For the first time in a long while, maybe in his entire life, he actually felt…  good.  And he had to wonder how much of these odd, positive feelings flooding through his mind and body were because of the little tempting blond in his arms.  
            When she snuggled against his chest (the top of her head came just to his shoulders, so that was the best that she could do), he began to wonder if _this _was what happiness was all about.  And, if it was, he never wanted to let Antonia Delaney out of his arms again.  
            Antonia sighed contentedly.  Never before had she felt this sense of security in a man's arms…not even in David's, and certainly not in Sirius's.  She felt, for the first time in years, that she was where she belonged.  And, that, of course, was with Severus Snape.  
            She began unbuttoning his robe, and kissing the bare white flesh of his chest as it was exposed.  
            "Antonia," he whispered.  He ran his thin fingers through her silky hair, and felt his knees buckle as her lips moved lower.  He felt himself slipping into a different world, a world where the only thing that mattered was Antonia, and what she was doing to him with her lips.  
            He was so surprisingly warm under his black wizard's robe.  _And so damned beautiful_,she thought, in spite of the flat whiteness of his flesh.  
            He lifted her up as if she was weightless, and slipped her up on top of the countertop.  She was so soft and pale and fragile…  _Only_, he thought, _her skin is white and soft and luminous… almost like a pearl._  
            "Severus," she murmured, wrapping her legs around his waist.  Her robe had been pushed up, revealing shapely legs that were longer than anything that Snape had dreamed of.  He gently slid his hand up her thigh, marveling at the satiny perfection of her.  
            _The most beautiful woman to cross the threshold of Hogwarts in nearly a millennia, and she's with _me, he marveled.  
            "Excuse me, Professor Snape," a female voice interrupted.  
            Snape cringed.  _Busted_.  
            Antonia groaned in irritation.  "Damn the bad luck," she grumbled under her breath.  
            "Miss Delaney, a pleasure to see you, too," Professor McGonagall greeted, not even attempting to mask her disgust.  "I trust Jonathon and Matthew are well?"  
            The fragile little flower in the Potions master's arms glared daggers at the Transfiguration professor.  "They are just fine, thank you."  
            McGonagall grew more irritated.  "Miss Delaney, why are you _here_?"  
            "If you will pardon my impudence, oh great Professor, I would like to remind you that _the Ministry of Magic does not answer to professors_," she hissed, her blue eyes narrowing.  "I don't appreciate being questioned by _you_. If you'd like that authority, then perhaps you should consider resigning your post here, and attempting to become my superior."  
            McGonagall sniffed.  "I don't think you'd like that, Miss Delaney.  I'm certain that neither you, nor your children that you seem to have forgotten about, would like to see you sent to Azkaban."  
            Antonia pushed Snape away and hopped down on the floor, her feet soundlessly hitting the stone floor.  "How I raise my children is of no concern to you.  But if you continue your snide remarks, I just might have to forget that I am supposed to be a lady," she replied, her voice deadly cold, and her wand in her hand.  "I think you should consider going and taking care of that all important Hogwarts' business.  At the very least, you should end your interference in Ministry business.  Good day."  
            McGonagall opened her mouth to say something, and seemed to have reconsidered.  She shut her mouth, turned on her heel, and stormed out of the dungeon in a huff.  _The impudence of that woman!_ she thought.  
            Antonia looked up at Snape.  "Where were we?"  
            "I'd never seen anyone talk to Minerva like that," he said, his usual sneer replaced with admiration.  
            She shrugged.  "I never liked her, anyway."  
            He looked at the tiny blond that stood before him.  For some reason, he found her irresistible.  Yes, she was beautiful; there was no denying that.  But it took more than a woman fair of face to turn his head.  It had to be that she was frighteningly intelligent, and so very in control.  That mind had to be the most fascinating thing…  "You, Antonia Delaney, are amazing."  
            She blushed.  "No, I'm just me.  I've always thought that was enough."  
            He scooped her up and put her back on the countertop.  "That's all anyone could ever want of you.  And you're more than anyone could ever be worthy of."    
            Snape couldn't help but marvel at his own good luck. Sitting before him was the most delicious piece of femininity, and she was wrapping her legs around him as he slid a thin hand up her thigh.  He kissed the white flesh of her neck, and unbuttoned the top button of her robe.   
            "Amazing," he whispered, peering at her ivory flesh with awe.  He felt something that he'd never felt before, not in his entire miserable existence: lust.  He wanted to rip her robes off, and feel every inch of her lithe body pressing against him, and he wanted to kiss every inch of her.  
            But not here.  He wanted to feel her, inside and out, but he wanted her somewhere warm and, well, less forbidding than a cold and damp dungeon.  But he didn't want to parade Antonia around all of Hogwarts, either.  Nor did he want to break the mood by having her focus on someone else…  
            "Shh," he softly instructed, picking up his fair lady and cradling her in hisarms.  He carried her through his office, and whispered to the picture of the mad scientist, "Lily Snape."  The painting swung open, revealing a longand dark secret passage way.  
            "Severus, I…" she protested.  But she'd heard the password.  She didn't want to be second best to _anyone_…  especially a woman that had been dead for fourteen years.  
            "I'd rather take you somewhere warmer," he replied, looking at her with something close to… fondness…  
            "Really, Sever…"  
            He silenced her with a soft kiss to her forehead. "I want this to be something that you'll remember forever."  _I know I will…_  
            She smiled angelically at him, and snuggled closer.  _He really is remarkably strong_, she thought.  And he felt so good.  It was amazing, how gentle and warm Severus Snape could be.  
            _"Cremare_," he ordered, and the torches down the passage lit.  She gave a passing glance to the gray stone hall that wound before them.  The ceiling arched over them beautifully, and the flames gave the hall a warm glow.  
Yet, onward Snape walked, carrying his treasured bundle in his arms.  He could have put her down, but that wouldn't have had quite the effect that he was going for…  Besides, Antonia was practically weightless, anyway.  She couldn't have weighed more than five stone (or 100 pounds for us American folk out there).  And it felt good to hold her, and to feel her blue eyes gazing up at him with undisguised warmth.  
            At that moment, Snape felt like a god or a king.  He wasn't sure what he felt like, but it was much nicer than being the hated Potions master, and way better than being the hated Slytherin boy of his youth.  
            The hall curved and ended.  "My humble abode," he announced, and the wall swung open.  
            Antonia looked at the room that he was bringing her into.  It was a wondrously warm bedchamber, dominated by a massive four-poster bed close to the blazing fireplace.  She smiled impishly up at him, wondering how he would go from there…  
            "Our chamber awaits, my lady," he said in an old-world style.  He carried her across the threshold of his bedchamber, and carefully placed her in his bed.  
            She gave a soft, delighted laugh as she sank into the down mattress.  "I never thought I'd be here with you, Severus."  
            He lay down beside her.  "I can't believe this, either…" He glanced at the two tall, black iron candelabras on his floor that reached up to his great height.  "_Cremare_," he whispered.  
            The tall, thin beeswax tapers lit up, and their tiny flickers danced.  
            "You should always be seen in candlelight," he whispered.  While she was beautiful before, now she was simply intoxicating.  
            She smiled at him, and snuggled closer to him. Everything about this night had been better than she'd ever dreamed, back when visions of Severus Snape roamed her fantasies.  "You're beautiful, Severus.  And I've wanted you to notice me for so long…"  
            He kissed her.  Not like those hesitant kisses that he'd given her in the dungeon, but real, passionate, hungry kisses.  She tasted so sweet… something reminiscent of strawberries.  He couldn't get enough of kissing Antonia Delaney.  Nothing he'd ever experienced in his miserable life compared to this.  
            She kissed him back, matching him stride for stride.  His fingers clumsily worked at unbuttoning her robes.  Once her robes were open, all he could do is stare at the perfectly formed creature that lay so invitingly in his bed.  
            She sat up, comfortable in her unclothed state, and gently unbuttoned Snape's black robe.  He fought the urge to cover himself from her eyes as the robe spread open before her.  Her tiny, warm hands caressed his chest, slipping further down…  
            He grasped her seemingly fragile wrist. "Wait.  I…  You…"  
            Antonia sat up and looked at him, almost into his soul, "Severus, are you okay?"  
            "I haven't…  I…"  
            She smiled gently at him.  "You've never done this before, have you."  It was a statement, not a question.  She knew the answer.  
            "No," he said shortly.  He found himself resisting the urge to run out of his bedchamber, and hide in the familiar sanctuary of the dungeons.  What the Hell was he thinking, carrying her off to his bed like some sort of stud?  Who did he think he was?  Sirius Black?  
            "Shh," she comforted.  "None of that's important.  All that matters is that you stay with me, and that you never, ever turn away from me.  I don't think I could bare it if you did."  
            "Antonia, I…"  
            She silenced him with a gentle kiss.  "You haven't the slightest idea how very special you are…  Or how wonderful your kisses are.  Don't go, Severus.  And don't be afraid.  This is little Antonia, the one who never wanted anyone to hurt you…  And I won't hurt you, now."  
            He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight.  She fit so perfectly against him…  He'd never felt anything like this in his life.  _Is this what love feels like? _he wondered, but only for a second.  
            As Antonia laid her hands on him, all thoughts were driven out of his mind.  She moved off to the side of him and slid his robe off.  Antonia smiled gently; she could see Snape resisting the urge to pull his robes back on and run screaming from the bedchamber.  "Just relax," she whispered, gently pushing him back in the bed.  
            Severus Snape thought he'd died and somehow made it to Heaven, because Antonia surely had to be an angel…  He could feel her silken hair drag across his sensitive flesh as she kissed him everywhere…  and everywhere her lips touched felt more alive and real than ever before.  He couldn't get enough; all he knew was that he'd die if she stopped, but his heart would explode in his chest if she kept going.  
            Her lips trailed down his left arm, softly touching and tasting.  He stiffened when she paused at the Dark Mark.  Ashamed, he tried to pull away.  
            She held his arm firm and looked up at him with adoring blue eyes.  "No, Severus.  I told you that I wanted to know every part of you.  This mark is a part of you, whether it's a part that you're ashamed of or not.  I want to kiss every inch of you, and this," she informed him, gently stroking the mark, "is not going to be enough to stop me."  
            "Antonia, I…"  
            She smiled.  "Severus, my love, you talk way too much sometimes."  
            His sneer popped back up.  "And?"  
            She slid back up to his face.  "Shut up and kiss me."  
            The cold look left his face as he pulled her closer.  He kissed her with every ounce of passion that he had in his being.  He slipped her robe off her shoulders and pulled her flat against him. The feel of her bare, silky flesh on his was almost more than he could bare.  Almost.  His thin, pale lips found her pink lush ones.  
            Kissing Antonia was like nothing that he'd ever experienced.  There was no greater joy than feeling her, all of her, pliantly meshed against him, all soft and warm and lush…  
            Hesitantly, he reached out to stroke her creamy white breasts.  She took his hand in hers and placed it.  "You can touch me, Severus.  I'm not a dream, nor am I a fantasy.  I'm here to enjoy you and to be enjoyed by you."    
            He resisted the urge to moan as he felt her skillful fingers trace down his chest, down his stomach, and finally to clamp on him.  
            Antonia was pleasantly surprised at what she'd found.  Women always said "Size doesn't matter", but Severus was definitely proving that size could offer something a bit more to look forward to…  
            He let out a small cry of pleasure as her mouth followed the same path as her fingers, kissing his chest and slowly going lower.  
            "Antonia!" he moaned, running his fingers through her blond locks.  He couldn't get enough of her.  
            "It only gets better, my love," she promised in a soft whisper.  
            "I…I…"  
            She smiled, that soft, catlike smile that a woman wears when she knows that she's driven a man beyond all reason.  "Tell me what you want, my love," she whispered, resting her chin on her hands.  
            He looked down at her at saw those soft blue eyes…  "I want you," he whispered, his voice ragged with passion.  
            Her smile grew more satisfied.  "Then have me, you shall."  
            He thought he was going to die.  He thought he was going to die if it stopped.  He felt her slide up and straddle him.  He felt the silky wetness of her.  By their own volition, his thin fingers wrapped around her tiny waist.  She slid up and down on him, whispering soft little nothings.  
            He felt so nice…  She knew, now that she'd had him, that he was really the one that she'd been waiting for all along.  She finally knew why she never married David.  Severus Snape.  
            She whispered words of how wonderful he felt inside her, how she never wanted it to end…  She stopped herself before whispering words of love.  
            His grip grew tighter and he cried out, "Antonia!"  
            She felt his small explosion inside her, and slipped off of the astonished potions master.  She lay down beside him and kissed his shoulder before resting her head on his chest.  She could hear his heart racing beneath her ear.  
            "I'm sorry, darling," he apologized.  He felt like a failure.  
            "Shh,"she whispered, gently stroking his chest, now slick with perspiration.  "You did wonderful for your first time out.  This is only the beginning."  
              
  
             


	2. My Antonia: The Lost One

A/N:Thanks so much to the people who took the time to review the first part.There are now four parts to this fic, and some of them are a bit cleaner.grins

Tempesta:You've been my muse.Thanks, babe.I couldn't have gotten over the frustration of occasional writer's block without you.Love you.

Kacella:No, I don't read a lot of romance.I just don't talk trashy, and I can't stand to write trashy, either.

Colin, ChinChilla, and everyone else: thanks so much for the positive feedback.I can take all the criticism in the world, as long as it's constructive.You guys gave me a lot of insight as to how I can improve my writing.Thanks.

He looked at his lover as she lie beside him, her blue eyes so damned blue…She was beautiful.And this beautiful woman was with him._Him.Severus Snape._Just a few hours before, he would have found the thought to be inconceivable.

And, yet, it was true.Antonia Delaney was here with him, curled up against him.She was soft and warm all over, and completely relaxed.He was just grateful that she didn't turn into some silly weeping woman, or something.He didn't know how to deal with anything as stupid as that.

"Think you'll be able to handle that again?" she murmured gently, her head resting on his chest.

He was unaccustomed to this warm feeling he had for her.He wanted to run from it.He wanted to hold her and never let her go.He felt uncomfortable, yet more secure than he'd ever felt.He didn't understand any of this.He just knew that Antonia Delaney was the cause of it.

He smiled.Not a half-smile, not a sneer, but a real smile."I'd like to make it better for you," he replied honestly.He also resisted the urge to pull the blankets over his head._Why did conversations about… about…that have to be so difficult? _Snape thought.

She sat up and leaned against the tall mahogany headboard, the sheets covering her."Severus, you were wonderful for your first time.And it only gets better.A time will come when you won't be afraid of offending me when you touch me.And you'll realize what a beautiful thing it can be."

"I've never… I've…Do you want to stay the night?" Snape looked horrified as those words popped out of his mouth.

Antonia smiled."Thank you for the offer, but I really must be going.I have to be at the ministry in the morning, and I can't apparate from here."

"I don't want you to go to Hogsmeade by yourself at this time of night…"

It _was_ close to midnight…

"Hmm…You do have a point," she agreed."I'm really not in the mood to walk a hour to the village and get held up by damned trolls…"

"So, you'll stay here."Snape tried not to sound too satisfied.She would stay for the night.But, then she'd leave him in the morning.That thought soured him.

Antonia stretched and laid down in the thick, downy mattress."What on earth will we do to keep us occupied the whole night," she murmured in a sultry voice.

He rolled on top of her and traced a hand up her thigh."Maybe we can find something…"

"We'll just wait and see what comes up, I guess," she replied lazily, wrapping her arms around him. 

He hesitated at the sight of her waistline."I'm sorry, Antonia.Why didn't you tell me that I hurt you?" he asked, looking at the finger-shaped bruises.

She smiled."Honestly, I didn't notice.I was a little distracted.Don't worry about it."

He rested his head on her breasts and felt her calmly stroking his greasy hair.He fell asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

***

_The next morning_

Severus woke up to the sun shining in the bedchamber.He reached out to where Antonia had lain only hours before, and found nothing but an empty space._Did I dream this?_He found a blond hair on the pillow and smelled her perfume in the bed.She really had been there…He really did have a woman in his bed.

_I got laid!_ he marveled.Then, that was replaced by a darker thought:_I've been used._

The most beautiful woman, calm, cold, and, well, hot, spent the night in his bed, and then disappeared in the morning like he was nothing.

Of course, Snape knew that he was nothing, but for a few moments, he felt like something special… like a person.The loneliness of awakening without her at his side just proved how false feelings could be, sometimes.

_Lily never would have done this to you_, a small voice in his head said.

Another voice rebutted, _She would have never been here, either._

He groaned.He really didn't want to hear this.And it was time for breakfast in the Great Hall, anyway.He gave one last glance at the bed, and slipped on his black robe.

He wandered down to the Great Hall, and sat in his usual seat.

"Severus, you look well rested this morning," Dumbledore greeted.

McGonagall sniffed.

Severus sneered.

Hagrid glared.

Flitwick looked intimidated.

Sprout looked amused.

Pomfrey looked ready to send Severus to the hospital wing.

And, of course, since Professor Trelawney decided to treat them all with her presence at breakfast, she gazed mistily at Snape and said, "I had a prediction, last night.A blond woman would come and tempt you to take her to bed."

McGonagall pursed her lips.

Snape went more pale than usual.

Hagrid sniggered.

Flitwick shrank down even further on his raised stool.

Sprout looked ready to laugh.

Pomfrey looked like _she_ needed to go to the hospital wing.

Dumbledore smiled at Snape, a twinkle shining in his blue eyes."Professor Snape, I think we need to speak in my office."

Dumbledore rose to his feet, his blue robes swishing around him.

Snape scowled at McGonagall and followed Dumbledore to his office.

"Sit down, Severus," Dumbledore invited."Would you like a lemon drop?"

"No."

"You really should try one, Severus.They are quite delicious."Dumbledore watched Snape's jaw set, and said, "Ah, well, enough of that.I understand that you and Antonia Delaney are on rather good terms now, hmm?"

"No.She's just another parent that doesn't like the way I teach.Did Minerva tell you something?"

An amused twinkle lit his eye."You should know by now that I don't need human lips to tell me what goes on in this castle.That, and I saw Miss Delaney in the castle this morning.She was in a terrible hurry to leave."

Snape was crestfallen.She hurried out of the building to get away from him, a greasy, slimy git who'd fallen for the charms of the temptress.She didn't want him.All that talk of the next time was just that: talk.And, suddenly, Snape felt more worthless than he'd ever felt in his life.

Dumbledore sighed."I know she's special to you, Severus.She's been the object of many men's fantasies, muggle and wizard alike.She's got you under her spell right now, but it will pass.I've seen it.Antonia takes fancy to a man, gets his attention, and disappears.She doesn't do it to be cruel.Sometimes she doesn't even mean to do it.She just does it because she's Antonia."

Snape's black eyes were even darker than usual.He ached._You meant nothing,_ that little voice said inside his head.He was just as ugly and hateful as he'd always been.There was nothing special about him.He was nothing more than…What had she called him?Ah, yes.He was nothing more than "a greasy bastard."

He nodded at the professor."Someone that beautiful can do whatever she wants, I suppose."

"Don't think of it that way," Dumbledore said quietly."She is looking for something, and she's been looking for quite some time.She'll continue on this way until she finds it.And it's nothing personal…"

_It felt very personal last night_, he thought.

"She's been lost ever since her muggle lover died.The death of a loved one can take some time getting over, you know."

"I'm sure.If you'll excuse me, Professor, I have a Potions lesson to prepare for."

***

# Potions

He stood at the front of his classroom in the dungeon, watching the students file into his room.He saw that little beast Harry Potter, walking in the classroom like he ruled the damned world, with his faithful sidekicks Weasley and that Granger beast.He was tempted to take points from him just for being happy.Snape made no attempt to disguise the loathing written across his face when Potter glared in his direction.

Potter swallowed hard.He'd never seen Snape this grumpy.Sure, Snape hated him.But, today, Snape looked positively murderous.

Neville Longbottom saw it, too.And it made him even more clumsy and nervous, though Snape never would have believed that to be possible.

"Longbottom, can't you even follow the _simplest_ directions?" he thundered."Ten points from Gryffindor for Longbottom's inability to listen.And, Miss Granger, if you help him, it will be twenty more from you."

Draco Malfoy and the other Slytherins were sniggering rather loudly.

Severus Snape drew himself up to his full height and glared in the direction of his own house."Mr. Malfoy, this is not the Slytherin commons room.I don't want to hear it!Any of it from any of you!"

The dungeon was plunged into silence.Never before had Snape reprimanded his own house.

"And if there's one more case of not obeying my instructions today, the whole class will have detention!"He turned on his heel and stalked back to his office, greatly resembling an overgrown bat. 

He heard the whisperings of his students_What's with Snape?I've never seen Snape do that?Did he wake up on the wrong side of the bed?_

By dinnertime, the whole school knew that Severus Snape was being more unbearable than usual.And Professor Dumbledore called him back in his office, again.

"Severus, are you well?"

He mumbled something appropriate, but couldn't get visions of the blond witch out of his head.

The headmaster peered into the Potions master's pale face.He was concerned.He'd never seen Severus look so _resigned_."I received this owl a little while ago.I don't know why it came to me, but it's meant for you."

Severus opened the envelope and saw a neat, feminine scrawl on the parchment.

Severus,

I'm so sorry that I disappeared on you this morning.I had places to be, muggle memories to alter, and meetings to attend.Last night was as wonderful as you remember it being.If you'd like to see me again, just think of me.I'll show up when you least expect it.

I know that Dumbledore has told you that I'm careless with men's affections.If I have yours, you have my assurance that this is not the case with you.I know that affection is not something that you easily give, and I will treasure it for as long as you are willing to allow me to have it.You have my respect, and my affections, whether you want them or not.

With Love,

Antonia

Dumbledore saw something that he hadn't seen in years.Not since Lily Evans attended Hogwarts.Severus Snape smiled.

***

# Hogsmeade

_ _

Severus sat down at The Three Broomsticks, alone, and nursed his butterbeer.All he could think of was her.Her blue eyes, her smile, her kisses…There was nothing in the whole world for him but Antonia.

She apparated in the seat beside him."You've missed me," she remarked.

He sneered."You're an impossible shrew who doesn't even say good-bye the morning after."

Antonia's smile lit up her face and reached her eyes.She looked positively radiant."I've missed you, too, Severus."She slipped her hand over his.

He wanted to kiss her.He wanted to turn away from her.He wanted to ravage her.He wanted to hit her.He wanted to hate her.He wanted to love her."I don't understand, Antonia.What is this?"

"This is me, sitting here beside you, telling you how much I miss you," she responded simply.

He softened, but only a bit.

"Can we go somewhere more private to talk?" she asked.

He nodded silently.

Somehow, Snape found himself on the edge of the lake.Antonia was lying on the grass, her blond hair fanned around her, gazing at the clouds."Sit down, Severus.Get comfortable.It's a beautiful day."

He sneered.The sun was shining, the damned birds wouldn't shut the Hell up, and a butterfly just landed on Antonia's breasts.All of this nature and peace crap made him feel like he was going to vomit.

She sighed."Really, Severus, it's not like the grass is going to attack you.Unless you'd rather try to talk in the middle of all of those people at The Three Broomsticks…"

He sat down about three meters (nine feet for you Americans) away from her.

"I hope I didn't upset you by leaving," she offered.

"How did you expect me to react," he replied coldly."You just _left_.You just disappeared, like nothing… like nothing…"

"Like nothing what?" the pixie-like woman pressed gently.

"Like nothing special happened," he mumbled.

She rolled herself up to a sitting position."It was very special.Don't ever let me hear you sell yourself short.You're worth way more than they think. You're worth way more, I bet, than _you_ think."

He looked so lost and miserable to her…She crawled closer to him, the grass pressing into her knees.They were now only inches from each other."Severus, all I want is for you to be happy."

He looked disgusted."_Happy_.How can I be happy?Look at what I am!I was a Death Eater.The only reason that I even have a job is because Dumbledore took pity on me, and I'm rather good with potions.But he'll never give me the Defense Against Dark Arts position because I was one of The Dark Lord's servants.I'm never going to be anything more than what you see."

"Isn't that enough?I could never ask for you to be more than all that you are.And you never supported Voldemort's cause.Deep down, you know why you have that Dark Mark on your arm, and it's not out of 'support for the cause'."

He felt ashamed.He had joined a group that specialized in killing people for one reason: he wanted to belong to _something_, even if it wasn't something that he really believed in.

"But I did it.I came up with new potions for him, I was in line to be his heir.I was in his inner circle.How can you be so sure that I never supported him?"

"Because you loved someone that you could never have," she answered plainly."You fell in love with a muggle born who was disastrous with potions.And there's no way that you could ever support something that considered killing her to be a wonderful thing."

He looked out at the lake in silence for a long time."Lily," he said sadly, "was out of my league."

Her tone was equally sad."And you were out of mine."

His fingers stroked her cheek."And now?I don't want anyone else," he confessed.With that, he kissed her.

The two fell into a companionable silence.

"So, what does all of this mean?" Antonia asked, breaking the silence.

"It means that I can't stop thinking about you.I don't know how to act or how to feel.I just know that every time I close my eyes, I see you."

"The last few nights without you, I couldn't sleep.I just tossed and turned.I wanted to see you, but I couldn't get out here to do it." 

"Dumbledore keeps calling me into his office."

"And Matthew keeps sending me owls.He says you've been an even bigger ass than usual, and this time, you're snarling at the Slytherins, too."

He shrugged."I just hated not knowing.I thought that you didn't want me, and that you wanted to forget about that night."His eyes glowed, and his voice heated."I could never forget that night, Antonia.Until then, no one ever told me that I was special without wanting me to do something for them.You told me that I was special, and you wanted to do for _me_."

Her blue eyes gazed at him adoringly."Severus, all I've ever wanted was to be accepted.You do that, unquestioningly.You don't expect me to be good and pure.I'm none of those things.I'm not very good at caring for people.And that's okay with you.Do you have any idea how amazing that is?"

"You're beautiful.I couldn't ask for anything more."

She looked away from him, bitterness clouding her expression."So, that's it.It's about my appearance.I'm nothing but a pretty face."

She watched the soft ripples of the lake and wondered what monsters lie beneath. "Of course, you were right, you know.A pretty face like mine, a body like mine, lusting after a slimy, greasy hook nosed bastard who doesn't know what he believes?Of course.I'm going to fall in love with a muggle terminator who chases mudbloods.And, of course, I'll be happy to be his trophy for all time."

He looked at her as though she'd struck him with the Crustaceous curse."An—"

She cut him off harshly."Just stop it.Stay away from me, Death Eater."She then apparated into nothingness.

Severus blinked stupidly and looked at the space on the lawn that his lover had just occupied.She was gone.She hated him.She thought he was…What the Hell happened?He _thought_ he said something nice to her.His head ached.The light was blinding his eyes.The damned cheerfulness made him want to throw up.

_To Hell with her.May that bitch…_He could think of no suitable curse for her.

He heard the birds chirping happily at him."Shut the fuck up!" he roared at the creatures around.

He heard one last _tweet_.Then, blessed silence.

The damned birds finally shut up, but he hadn't figured out how to black out the sun.So, he headed off to his sanctuary, the only place that he could safely do his penance for all the wrongs that he'd done.Severus Snape headed back to his damp and dank dungeon.

His dungeon could provide no solace.He looked at the counter where he held his lessons, and saw where she'd sat on his counter only days before.He remembered kissing her.Now, where her lovely bottom had once rested, there was a potion.It was sapphire blue, and it made him think of her eyes.

He picked up the tube holding the solution and threw it against the wall.He was going to his bed."Lily Snape," he said listlessly to the mad scientist.

He didn't bother to light the torches, this time."_Lumos_," he said listlessly.He treaded down the stone passage way, remembering how wonderful Antonia had felt in his arms as he carried her in his arms to his bed.

He remembered how sweetly she smiled at him when he put her down in his bed.He remembered the seduction that took place in his bed.He remembered how nervous he was, and how she calmed him.The whole bedroom just screamed at him "Antonia!"

Even his places of solitude couldn't forget her.How could he?Would her face haunt his dreams as Lily's did?He tried to picture Lily in his mind's eye.But Antonia's face was there, instead.


	3. My Antonia: The End

Of course,these characters still aren't mine, except for our favorite little bitch, Antonia.Tessie, thanks for being a consistent reviewer.JTempesta, thanks for staying my muse.As always, please review!

Antonia paced the halls of her London flat."Damn you, Snape," she grumbled.She remembered how wonderful his kisses were.And she couldn't exorcise the look of pure, unadulterated joy on his face when she slipped on top of him.

She stopped in front of the mirror and looked at herself.Blond, delightful, beautiful, brilliant sapphire eyes, and unblemished creamy white skin.She hated the reflection that glanced back at her.For all the beauty that she had been blessed with, she was completely miserable, and totally alone.

That perfect face stared back at her.Disgusted, she picked up a figurine on the fireplace mantel and flung it at the shining reflection with all her might.The glass shattered, raining down upon the floor.She wished she was ugly.She wished she wasn't so alone.She wished that she was dead.She wished that she could be happy.And all of those things were so out of her reach.

But what she wished for the most is that someone could love her in spite of her beauty, rather than because of it.

She poured herself a shot of bourbon and tossed it back.Severus's words kept playing back in her ears._You're beautiful.I couldn't ask for anything more._

He never would have wanted her if she wasn't pretty.She could be a dolt, a squib, and he'd still want her as long as she had her perfect face.She was so tempted to pick up the shattered glass on the floor and slash her face.Disfigure herself so utterly, that no man would want her for her face.

But, then if she did that, what if no one ever wanted her?

She thought back to her days with David.He loved her so much…He loved his little witch that could work miracles for him.He loved how beautiful she was, and how his muggle friends would cast surreptitious glances in her direction when they thought that neither of them was looking.He loved her so much… and she knew that it was largely due to her beauty.

No, Antonia never would have turned David Carver's head if she'd been ugly.She was always afraid that he would leave her when her face grew withered with age.Of course, he was dead now, so it was no longer something that she feared.But when she tried to picture them growing old together, he was unhappy with her fading beauty.

He loved her.But he never loved her enough.

As for Severus?She was nothing more than a pretty face.

She poured herself another shot of bourbon, and carried the bottle and the shot to the couch with her.She wondered how many shots she could drink before she passed out.

Antonia was suddenly filled with self-loathing.What the Hell would passing out do for her?She'd wake up in the morning, and she'd still be alone with her cursed face.

Her face, her lovely, perfect face, crumpled.She could bear it no more.Tears filled her blue eyes, and sobs racked her tiny frame.She was alone.And, she realized, she always would be.

She fell asleep on the sofa and dreamt of Severus Snape.

_She and Severus were outside together, enjoying the dying embers of the day.The sunset was beautiful out at the city of Brighton, and the sunsets over the Atlantic were like heaven.Severus sneered as a sea gull swooped down and begged them for food._

_"Severus, really," she teased."It's not like the bird was going to attack you.It just wanted some food."_

_He glared at her."That wasn't begging.That was a mating call."_

_"So, the bird has no taste?"_

_"Probably.He was swooping in your direction…"He leaned closer and kissed her._

_She kissed him back."Sev?"_

_"What?"_

_"Have I told you how glad I am to be here with you?"_

_"No," he replied, deadpan."You never show me any appreciation."_

_She smiled seductively at the potions master."Why don't we go back up to our room, and I'll show you…"_

Antonia was very disappointed when she woke up alone.

# Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts…

_ _

Snape didn't go down to the Great Hall for breakfast.He didn't want to eat.He didn't want to see the pity on the other teachers' faces when he sat down at the table.And the thought of eating made him feel ill.

He went down to his dungeon, and paced in the cold, damp darkness._She's amazing, you fool.She's brilliant.She could have any man that she wanted.What the Hell made you think that she'd choose _you_, Death Eater?_

Sheer stupidity.There was no way.Why did he always want the women that were so far out of his league that even a fantasy seemed a sacrilege?

But it was different with her.She'd called him Severus.She kissed him.She took his virginity, and held him close afterwards.She really seemed to care.And she understood him so well, when they were talking by the lake.And then, it all went to Hell._What did I do?What did I do to upset her?What did I do wrong?_

He heard the dungeon's heavy door creak open.A pretty Slytherin seventh year stood in the doorway."Professor Snape?"

"Yes, Tempesta?" he replied, trying not to be irritated with a member of his own house for daring to appear.After all, he _was_ the head of her house.

"Why don't you just send her an owl?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Tempesta shrugged, her black hair tumbling all over the place."The lady that you were in The Three Broomsticks with.You've been a bit insufferable since then.Send her an owl, and be done with it.And, for God's sakes, eat something, already.You're wasting away to nothing, and I don't want to be stuck with some substandard potions master."

"Is that all, Miss DiCuore?" he sneered.

"Yes, sir."She turned on her heel, and left the dungeon.

Hmm…The girl had a point.

He sat down at his desk with a quill and parchment, and began to write.

Dear Antonia,

I miss you.However, you are completely inaccessible to me, both physically and emotionally right now, since I am safely locked away in haven that bars apparation of any sort.

There are times that I think of bolting to Hogsmeade so that I may apparate to wherever you are hiding… in the solitude of your home, perhaps?But, then, I wonder if you've put me under some kind of spell.At the same time, I know that this is unfair and untrue.In spite of your positive attributes, there are some components to your being that I find utterly impossible, obnoxious, insulting, and entirely offensive., as well as potentially detrimental to my well-being.

Yet, by the same token, I'm still sending you this letter to let you know that I am thinking of you.To put it very simply, I miss you.

Yours,

Severus Snape 

He sent the letter out by owl before the first class started.But he still didn't eat breakfast.

***

She sat down in the dungeon, knowing that Severus would show up.He had to.This was, of course, his dungeon sanctuary…She paced the stone floor for about twenty minutes, and decided that she'd try to take the secret passage up to his room…

She approached the mad scientist."Lily Snape," Antonia forced out.Those words made her sick.

The mad scientist looked at her."Well, now, someone other than my boy trying to get through.Too bad he changed the password," the painting said in its crazy voice.The painting then gave a high-pitched, crazed laugh, and coughed.

"Uh, okay…"_You're a fucking psycho,_ she thought as she walked away from the hacking painting.

She walked out of the dungeons and decided to go through the castle to his room…She knew that he'd be there eventually…

Antonia slipped through the hallways, trying to avoid Filch.She really wasn't in the mood to have the grumpy squib interrogate her today.She'd had more fun at the dentist than she did in conversation with the caretaker.

She found her way back to Severus's bedroom and tried to let herself in.Four different charms later, and she still couldn't get in.She was going to have to do this the old fashioned way, she supposed…She was heading for the window when she heard a male voice behind her.

"What are you doing?"

She turned quickly, and saw Severus Snape.She smiled, lighting up her blue eyes, and threw herself into his arms.

He didn't care who saw him.He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head."I'm so sorry, darling.I'm so very sorry.Just tell me what I did, and I promise, I'll never do it again…"

She looked meaningfully at his bedroom door.He opened the door and guided her in his room.

He closed the door and quickly locked it."I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

She kissed him hard.She wanted him to take her back to his bed.She wanted to spend the rest of the night giving and receiving so much pleasure that would drive them both beyond all reason.Her fingers began working on his robes."I feel like I'll die if I don't touch you," she rushed, her voice containing a note of pleading.

He felt the rush of cool air as his white flesh was exposed.He felt the heat of her fingertips tracing against his chest.

With trembling hands, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed."_Termino fenestrum.Cremare_," he whispered.The heavy velvet drapery in his room closed with a soft rustle as the fireplace and beeswax candles blazed to life.

She sank down into the familiar spot in his bed, and felt him sink next to her.She rolled on her side and gazed at her lover."Be prepared for a long night, Severus.I have no intention of getting out of this bed until I get you completely out of my head."

"You've bewitched me," he hissed.That was the only logical reason that he could obsess over a woman as he did her.

She scoffed."Please._I'm_ the one sitting in an office at the Ministry, dreaming about some greasy, slimy potions master with all the charm of a flobberworm, yet you plead bewitchment?I don't know what you've done to me, but I'm going to seduce you and tempt you, over and over again, until this spell is broken."

"Perhaps that will break the curse you've placed on me, witch," he sneered.With that, he pulled her close and kissed her hard.

She kissed him back, matching his ardor.She ripped open his robe, determined to feel all of him against her.She had to prove to herself that he was nothing special, that he was just a random person that she'd blown up to be better than life in her own mind.Severus Snape was nothing.

He ripped her robes open with matching intensity.Damn her for refusing to leave his head.She had to have put a spell on him, just for sport.Perhaps the witch found it amusing to have the cruel Death Eater trailing after her like some sort of a puppy.He'd kiss her and touch her, and let her go, just to prove that he could.He didn't need her.He didn't need anyone.

God, he was hot.He felt like he was on fire where she'd kissed him.But he didn't need her.He rolled them both over and positioned himself on top of her in a position of dominance.

Antonia shivered as his lips moved away from her mouth, down her swanlike neck, and to her full breasts.She felt his mouth close over one pink nipple and stifled a cry of pleasure.

He felt a rush of triumph.She wanted to cry out.She wanted to beg for him.And she would.He would see to it.Perhaps the woman would think twice about further bewitchments.

She wrapped her fingers up in his long black hair, paying no mind to the oiliness of it.All that she knew is that it felt wonderful, and she didn't want it to stop.And if this was his spell, then she'd be more than happy to remain under its influence until the end of all time.

He couldn't get enough of her.She smelled like fresh peaches and tasted delightfully sweet.And the way she held him tight, he had a feeling that the witch's spell was reversing on her._You deserve it, witch_, he thought, continuing to suckle her and letting his hands roam at will.

_I won't scream, I won't scream_, she repeated in her head, biting her lip to prevent her crying out.

His black eyes flashed like onyx as he felt her body grow hot. 

Against her will, a small cry escaped her."Severus, please," she whimpered.

His hand traced up the inside of her thigh.She was so incredibly hot.She felt like her body was on fire."Please, what, my love?The last time, you dominated me.You bent me to your will.This time, it's my turn.I'm going to break your spell, witch."

"I didn't, I swear," she cried out, burying her face in his neck.

His fingers slid higher up the inside of her thigh."Are you sure?"

She whimpered."I swear, Severus, if you don't touch me soon, I'm going to die."

"You'll die a thousand deaths before the sun rises," he promised.He kissed her passionately and felt her satiny-smooth legs wrap around him.

She gave a soft whimper of pleasure as he slid into her.

"Is this what you wanted, my lady?" he teased, his own voice ragged with passion.

"Damn you," she hissed.She was nearly breathless.And it felt so _fucking_ amazing, to feel him.

He slowed his rhythm down, barely moving."I can stop…" he teased.

"Oh, no, you won't."She flipped him on his back and slid on top."Because _I'm_ on top, now."

He thought he was going to die of pleasure.She'd squirm and tease, and kiss him until he thought he was there, and then she'd slow down…And, finally, she allowed him a moment of release."Antonia!" he cried out, his fingers digging into her hips.

Antonia found herself curled up in his arms, being cradled against his bare chest.

"I ask that you remove your curse, Antonia," he whispered.

"I tell you, you _are not_ bewitched!At least, not by me."

He sneered at her."How else do you think you overpowered me?"

"Because you're weak," she spat.

His gaze grew colder, his eyes harder."Don't make me hurt you, Antonia.I can do it if you push me."

_"Make up your fucking mind!Either you're under my spell, or you aren't!Do you REALLY think you could hurt me if I had you bewitched!_" she shouted.She pulled away from him, and sat up,her knees pulled up against her chest."Ass."

"What about you?" he sneered."Do you think I could have bewitched you, only for you to sit here in my bed and scream like an ill-tempered banshee?Why don't you use your head, fool."

Suddenly, there was a pounding on the door.

"WHAT!" Snape screamed, not in the mood for any interruptions.

"Severus?It's Albus.I heart shouting, and I wanted to make sure that everything was okay…You aren't being kidnapped or something equally dreadful, are you?"

"Sir, this really isn't a good time," he growled."I'm kind of in the middle of something…"

Antonia sneezed a very obviously feminine sneeze.

"Oh, my.Yes, yes, you _are_ very busy.I'll just be on my way now…"They heard Dumbledore's footsteps gliding away from the door.

Snape blushed, and Antonia collapsed into peels of laughter.

"So, you think this is funny?How would you feel if the minister of magic came by to check on your welfare?"

Antonia slipped out from between the sheets and slid Severus's way-too-long bathrobe over her shoulders."Cornelius Fudge?Are you joking?The man's a first class idiot.He'd probably get lost on the way to my bedroom."

"_Accio_ green bathrobe," he called out lazily.A second bathrobe slipped out of the wardrobe and into his waiting hand.He slipped it on, and heard the heavy material fall as he stood.Severus Snape stood to his full height, dwarfing the blond temptress.

She tried not to trip over the too-long black bathrobe as she moved towards the fireplace.It didn't hurt to look up at him, as long as he stayed a respectable distance away.

"So, neither of us are bewitched," he murmured, trying to make sense of it all.

"And I still can't get you out of my head," she whispered.

"And I still can't stop thinking of how it felt to have you in my bed."

She sighed heavily."So, what does all of this mean?"

"We're weak."

"Severus, don't you get it?_This isn't normal._"

"_You_ aren't normal," he sneered."I don't fall in love with muggles, and I certainly wouldn't father children with them."

"You're half right.I'm _not_ normal, and it's not because of the father of my children.It's because I'm standing here, wasting my time with a slimy, greasy Death Eater bastard like you," she spat."And if you _ever_ take issue with the paternity of my children again, you'll find out how the cruciatus curse feels when it's being inflicted by an enraged woman."

He grabbed her wand wrist to keep her from snatching her wand up off the table."Don't threaten me, Antonia," he warned."I might be a reformed Death Eater, but I promise you, I learned plenty about torture from the Dark Lord.Ever see someone placed under the Imperious curse and told to murder their families?Ever watch them come out of the curse, and see what they've done?I have.They go mad.They always, without fail, killed themselves.Do you think you can compare?" he finished in a deadly whisper.

She reached up with her free hand and slapped him.Hard."Try me.If you want to take me on, Snape, I can make you wish that you'd never been born," she hissed."And that's no threat.That's a promise."

_"Bitch,"_ he spat.

"I may be a bitch, but you're a Death Eater.You fucking aligned yourself with the biggest monster that the wizarding world has known.That makes you a lot fucking worse."

"You just can't get over that I was a Death Eater, can you.If that's not something that you can handle, then just get out."

"You've got no room to talk.You threw a tantrum because David was a muggle.So _you_ get out!"

"This is my room!"

"God, I hate you!"

He drew back from her, stunned."You…I…"Severus turned his back to her.He would never let her see his pain again."What more could I have ever expected from you, Antonia?" his responded, his voice hollow."Why wouldn't you hate me?I am, as you so love to point out, a Death Eater.And you?Well, you're you.That in itself says it all, I think."

Her anger faded as quickly as it flared."Severus, I'm sorry.I didn't mean it.I just get so angry with you, and all sorts of things just come flying out…"

"But you thought it.You must have meant some of it, somewhere deep down.You come in and turn my life inside and out.Before you came, I wasn't happy.But I was as close to happy as I'd ever been in my life.And now?I think I'd be happier if I were in Azkaban.That is, after all, where you seem to think that I belong."

He still couldn't look at her.

"Severus, please," she pleaded, taking his arm.

He wrenched his arm free from her grasp."Get out.Just leave.I don't want to see you.I don't want to look at you.I'd like to just forget that you ever existed," he stated evenly, unemotionally.

She nodded sadly."I'm sure you would.And it would be a fitting retribution for me…But you said yourself that you never could.And you won't.But, for what it's worth, I really am very sorry.I know how vicious my words were.And I wish that I'd never said them. But I did."

"And now I want you gone."

"I understand," she whispered.She slipped off his bathrobe and threw her own clothes back on."And I don't blame you one bit."

She walked out the door.Severus sat down before the fire, incredibly alone.


	4. My Antonia: Ever After

A/N:This was going to be the last chapter, but I think Severus and Antonia have a lot more story left.I don't own anyone but Antonia and her off-spring.Tessie, thanks for being a faithful reviewer.Amanita Lestrange, your continued reviewing has been helpful.And, of course, Tempesta, you are my muse.To everyone else: thanks for reading.I've had close to 1000 hits before I put this part up.Now, if I could get a little feedback on what you all think of it…

_She'll make me wish that I'd never been born…What makes her think that I don't wish for that every single day?_ Snape thought as he stared into the red-orange flames of the fireplace._Death Eater…_the words reverberated in his head, over and over again.And he'd never be free of it.He pushed up the sleeve and looked at the Dark Mark on his arm.That mark had once been the thing that kept him going, but now that mark made him wish that he died in the Auror raids against the Dark Lord, rather than sitting here and feeling this way now.

The door to his bedroom slowly."I'm sorry," she whispered.

He just shook his head."Go, Antonia."His voice was void of all emotion.

"I can't," she replied, her voice cracking with emotion.She walked over to the fireplace and sat down beside her lover."I can't just walk out on you.I can't leave you alone."

"Do you know how I felt when you referred to me as Death Eater?" he hissed.

Tears filled her blue eyes as she nodded."Yes."

"You don't know anything. Maybe you never did."

"I know.I know exactly what I did to you.I took the moment in your life that you hated yourself for the most, and I threw it back up in your face.I ripped off the band aid and rubbed salt in the wound.I was cruel."

"Am I that big of a monster in your eyes?Do you feel that I need you to inflict additional suffering upon me to atone for my sins?"

"No, far from it.I look at you, and I see the most brilliant mind that the world could offer me.I see someone who can be so kind and loving.I see someone who has suffered a greater pain than any of us can ever imagine.I see the man that I lo…I see you.Not the you that you throw at the world when you're being so very defensive and angry.But the real you."

"And it's not enough for you."

"How could you think that?Do you know how badly I ached when you said what you said to me by the lake?" she cried."Do you think I would have felt that way if you weren't all that I ever wanted?"

"I don't understand!What did I do?"

"Beautiful.Beautiful Antonia, with a face that would make Helen of Troy envious," she spat."Nothing matters to you but my face.When I grow old and wrinkled, you won't want to be around me anymore.Do you know how that kills me?Every time I remember those words, I die inside.I know that you'll leave me, just like David would have if he didn't die, just like every other man that's wanted me."

He turned to her, a look of astonishment etched across his sallow face."Is that what you think?Do you honestly believe that I could be attracted to beauty alone?Antonia, you _are_ beautiful.You're so beautiful that it hurts to look at you.And you'll always be beautiful, whether your skin is like silk or like leather.It goes beyond your face and your body.It's the way your eyes light up when you're happy.It's the way you laugh.It's the cadence of your speech when you scream at me.It's everything about you.You're physically beautiful, as well, but that's just the icing on the cake."Then he mumbled, "I don't understand how someone like you could want someone like me."

She smiled angelically at him."Because I lo…Because I care for you in a way that defies logic.I don't care that you were a Death Eater.I understand why you did it.And it had nothing to do with Voldemort."Her smile took on a hint of sadness, and the sparkle left her eyes."I know that you'll never feel the same way about me that I do about you.I know that you're still in love with Lily Evans.But I'm willing to settle for what you're willing to give me.I can never have all of you.I know that.And I accept it."

"_Lily?_Darling, Lily Evans Potter was a childhood crush that I coveted.She was a shining example of everything that I could never have.Lily is a thing of the past.She's dead, and she and James died together.And she had this look in her eye whenever she saw him that I never thought would be directed at me.I've found someone that I wa…That I care for."

"But… but the password to the hidden passage to your bedchamber…_Lily Snape_."

"I've changed the password," he whispered.

She remembered the mad scientist's dialogue earlier in the evening."You realize that the guardian of your passage is absolutely nuts, right?"

He laughed, and took her in his arms."You do know how to spoil a moment, don't you, my love?"

She looked up at him with wide blue eyes."Did you mean that?"

"That you know how to spoil a moment?Of course."

"No, the other part…"

He nodded."I—I love you, Antonia Delaney."

She kissed him with such an intensity that they both fell over on the rug."I love you, Severus Snape."

"Do you?Do you really?Or am I just another man that turned your head for a microsecond?"

She smiled adoringly at him."Severus, you turned my head fifteen years ago, and it never turned away.The others?They just kept me entertained.But I know now that I was just waiting for you to get your head out of your ass."

"I will never understand why you love me," he whispered, stroking her cheek affectionately."I haven't become some great man.I haven't learned to adore the Gryffindors.They're still a bunch of fucking little pukes.And I'd still like to see Harry Potter run down by one of Hagrid's blast-ended skrewts."

She shrugged."To love is to love.There's no rhyme or reason to it.I just know that I do, and I have.I cared for David, but I never did forget you."The blond witch changed the subject entirely."So, what _did_ you change that password to, anyway?

He pulled her into his lap and nuzzled her neck."My Antonia."

# The End


	5. Descent to the Maelstrom: The Prodigal S...

A/N:I don't own anything but Antonia.Everything else is all JKR.Special thanks to Tempesta, my muse, my beta reader, and my sounding board.

This was originally going to be put up as a sequel to My Antonia, but, however, it somehow kept getting lost by fanfic before it made it out of the "just in" section.So, hopefully, people will read and review in this continued format.So, I now present to you _Part 2:_ _Into the Maelstrom_.

He looked at her sleeping face.God, she was lovely._The Great Cleopatra herselfwould weep with envy if she ever saw you, my love_, he thought as he looked down at her sleeping figure.Her blue eyes were closed, the long black eye lashes resting on the alabaster surface of her flesh.Her soft pink lips were slightly parted.Her breasts rose and fell with her breathing._And this woman loves you,_ he marveled.

He lifted a fragile hand in his and pressed it to his lips."I love you, Antonia Delaney Snape."

He lay back in the thick, unfamiliar mattress of his wife's bedchamber and thought back on the events of the day before…

"Are you sure you don't want a big wedding?" he asked, tilting her chin up towards him with great tenderness.

Her blue eyes sparkled."I don't care if we get married in front of the entire ministry, or if we get married in the Forbidden Forest.I just want to be with you," she confirmed.

They stood before Professor Dumbledore."Sir," Severus began, "I think that I'm ready for…We want to…We'd like…"

Antonia glared at her lover."For heaven's sake, Severus, quit babbling and just spit it out."

The glare he gave her was positively murderous."I'm working on it," he snarled, flicking a fairy off her shoulder.

"Would you mind not doing that?" she demanded.

"Keep the little bugs away from me, then," he replied.

Dumbledore stood back, amused by the whole exchange."Is there something that I can do for you two?"

"We…We want to get married," Snape forced out.

He smiled broadly."It's about time, you know."

"No, sir, Severus means that we want to get married today.Here.In your office.With you holding the ceremony, if you're willing…"

"Oh!Of course!I'd be honored and delighted to preside over your wedding…"

A few moments later, they found themselves with Minerva McGonagall and Professor Flitwick acting as witnesses.Of course, Antonia's sons were present.

"Severus, do you take this woman, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, and in sickness andin health, for your lawfully wedded wife?" Dumbledore asked, his voice very solemn.

_He looked at his bride, his eyes shining with adoration."For as long as I shall live," he vowed._

_"Antonia, do you take this man, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, and in sickness and in health, for your lawfully wedded husband?"_

_She was radiant that day."For as long as I shall live," she responded, an irrepressible grin stretching across her delicate features._

_"You wanted to add to your vows?" Dumbledore asked._

_Antonia nodded."Severus, for years, I went on without you.I had children, I had a career…But I was only half-alive.When I saw you again, I knew that you were what I had been waiting for all along.I love you."_

_"Antonia, when you flew into my dungeon that day, I didn't know what to think or how to feel.All I knew is that I'd seen you, and you'd become the center of my every thought.I felt things that I didn't know that I could feel.Suffice it to say, I love you, and that will never change."_

_Dumbledore looked upon the young lovers with twinkling eyes and a broad smile."Then, by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.You may now…"_

They didn't wait for him to finish his sentence.Severus had pulled Antonia in his arms, and the newlyweds were in a lip lock that made Professor McGonagall turn a rather peculiar shade of greenand Antonia's two children look as though they were going to vomit..

Severus felt more at peace with himself than he'd ever been in his life.He had a beautiful wife, and she loved him and accepted him, faults and all.Her kids?Ah, well, they were okay, he supposed.He might even be inclined to arrange some tutoring or something for potions class.It would be most embarrassing for his wife's children to fail his class…No, they would just get some intensive studying this summer, after the family honeymoon…

Then, he caught himself.Why the Hell was he pondering the dubious intelligence of her offspring?There were much better things to think of…

He rolled over on his side and gently kissed his new wife on her sleeping lips._My wife_, he thought incredulously.

He started to wrap his arm around her when he felt it:a searing, burning pain on his left forearm.He stifled a cry and looked at his arm.His dark mark was black.

She woke up."What's wrong?"

Silently, he showed her his arm.

She gasped, her blue eyes widening as she took in the meaning of his revelation."You can't go.He'll kill you," she pleaded, clutching his arm.

"If I don't go, he'll kill me.This time, school isn't in session.I can explain away why I didn't show last time.I can't avoid it this time."He sighed."I'm a Death Eater, Antonia.You knew it all along.I can't avoid going back to the Dark Lord.He'll kill us both.And he'll take special delight in torturing a muggle-lover like yourself."

"Please," she begged, tears filling her blue eyes.She kissed him, a hard kiss filled with desperation.At that moment, she'd use any tool necessary to keep him by her side, including her body.

His face darkened with a barely suppressed rage._"Don't you understand?" _he bellowed, shaking her._"If I stay here, we both die!We have no chance if I stay here!Do you want to wait here, like a lamb waiting for slaughter?We can't hide; he'll find us wherever we go!A Death Eater hit squad will be here to take us out in minutes."_

She choked on a sob.

"I have to go, darling," he said woodenly, getting up and putting on his standard black robes.

"Severus, no!" she screamed, ignoring the salty warm tears streaming down her face."Please don't leave!"She couldn't rid herself of the fear that he would never come back.David never came back.

"I'm sorry."He disapparated out of her bedroom.

Antonia picked up a glass from his side of the bed and threw it against the wall, watching it shatter."God damn you, Severus!"

_Talk to Dumbledore_, a voice said in her head._He'll know what to do…_

Calmly, she straightened herself up and quickly put on a robe._Of course.Dumbledore.Why didn't I think of that sooner?_

__She apparated herself to Hogsmeade and flew to Hogwarts on a borrowed broom.Dumbledore would know what to do.She realized, as she flew over the lake, that she just went against protocol, and that she should be hightailing it to Fudge's office._Fudge is also an idiot, and the best way to get Severus killed_, she reminded herself.

"You!" Filch screamed in his heavy Scottish accent."Yer feet are muddy and I've jest mopped the floor!"

"Oh, blow it out your ass, Filch.I'm not a damned student to be intimidated.Where's Professor Dumbledore?"

He looked at her, stunned."He's in his office, I would imagine…"

She ran away from the glorified janitor and rushed up to the gargoyle statue."Lemon drops, gumballs, stinky feet…God damn it, Dumbledore, can't you come up with something fucking _normal?!_"

The gargoyle slid open, revealing Dumbledore's office."Come in, Miss Delaney.It really isn't necessary to curse at mydoor, is it?"

"Severus's dark mark turned black.He's gone to see the Dark Lord," she cried.

The twinkling in Dumbledore's eyes faded to a stern blue, and his face grew deadly serious."This does put a different spin on things."He ushered her in, and she found herself standing face to face with her school-time boyfriend.

"Hello, Antonia," greeted Sirius Black.

She glared at him. "I don't have time for niceties."Her attention swung back to Dumbledore."They're going to kill him, aren't they?"

Albus Dumbledore shook his head."I don't think so.Not yet.But when he _does_ come home, he won't be up for a vacation for quite some time."

"I'm going to fucking kill him.I'm going to wrap my hands around his neck…"

Sirius looked at her with mild bemusement."Did someone piss the little lady off?"

Dumbledore shot Black a warning glance.

_"Piss me off?Piss me off?__DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" _she screamed.__

__Sirius stepped back, stunned.He had never seen Antonia Delaney screaming before.

"The first day of my married life, and that fucking mark on his arm has to ruin it.I shouldn't even be out of bed, today.I should be happily curled up with my husband, not in an office, wondering if some psychotic dark wizard has killed him," she fretted, pacing back and forth.

"Antonia, just calm down and think rationally…" Sirius began.He couldn't figure out what man in the world would be stupid enough to chain himself to that viper for life.

She breathed deeply."Shut up.I have to think."The blond witch continued pacing."Professor, you're certain that the Dark Lord won't kill him right away?"

"No.Severus may not be very high on Voldemort's list of favorite people right now, but he won't let Severus go unpunished for not showing up when the Mark turned black in May…"

She gasped."You knew about this?"

"Severus was working as a spy for the Ministry up until Voldemort's fall at the hands of Harry Potter," Albus quietly told her.

Her face went through a myriad of expressions… puzzlement, joy, rage…"I knew that he could never truly embrace the mission of the Dark Lord…Not after Lily…"But he had never told her that he had, in fact been a counterspy…Why?

Dumbledore seemed to be reading the thoughts of Snape's new bride."He probably never told you, Antonia, because of your position in the ministry.He didn't want you to worry."

"What's going on here?" Black demanded."Antonia, you didn't marry that slimy git, did you?"He muttered under his breath, "I think I'm going to be sick."He really didn't want a vision of Snape making out with the golden haired goddess that stood glaring at him.

Antonia shot him a murderous glare, one not unlike the glares that her husband had been known to direct at Harry Potter.

"Some developments have come up in your absence," Dumbledore began tactfully.

"Obviously, your need of a personality isn't one of them," Antonia hissed, glaring at Black.Yeah, he was a great kisser.But he had also been so very certain that she would sleep with him after the Yule Ball.She turned him down flat.

"Antonia," Albus reprimanded.

She opened her mouth and closed it, instead settling for glaring at Black.

"Severus and Antonia did get married yesterday, Mr. Black.And this is not a prank," Dumbledore informed Sirius.

Black was horrified."_You?Married him?How could you marry that bastard!_"

Antonia slapped him, bringing his merriment to an end."Yes, I married him.And I would thank you to keep your unflattering comments about my husband to yourself."

Dumbledore looked at them both reproachfully."If you two could continue this later, I think we may want to focus on the resurgence of Voldemort.His followers are there.He's going to try to rebuild his band of Death Eaters.And he's going to try to kill Harry Potter again."

Sirius spoke up."Are you certain that he's safe with the Muggles?"

"He's safer there than he is here._As long as he doesn't leave that house._"

Antonia sighed."You've got a couple of days before they try to take Harry.My whole fucking family is in danger.The Dark Lord could decide to take out my husband any time he so chooses.My children are halfbloods.I lived with a muggle for years and had his children.We aren't very high on his list of favorite people."

"Where are your children?" Dumbledore asked.

"They're at my mother's for the weekend."

"Sirius, Hagrid still has your motorcycle at his cottage.Go get the boys.Bring them back here at once."

***

"Is there a reason," a high, cold voice began, "That you ignored my previous call, Severus?"

Severus knelt on the grassy knoll before him, his eyes focused on the ground, his mind focused on burying the disgusted sneer that wanted to creep across his face.He forced the hatred that he felt for this monstrosity to the back of his head, for fear that the Dark Lord would see those thoughts of rage over the death of his beloved Lily…"I was at Hogwarts, my Lord, and I could not disapparate without arousing Dumbledore's suspicion.I thought that you may want to take advantage of my position at Hogwarts for information…"

"Yes…Very good thinking, Severus.However, that was in May, and you never sent word explaining your failure to appear.I assumed you had betrayed me, abandoned out cause…"Voldemort stroked his wand almost lovingly."Of course, you will have to be punished…I should kill you for this…_Crucio!_"

Snape collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain and screaming in agony.He thought he was going to die from the pain, he wished he would if it weren't for…

"_Finite Incantatem_," Voldemort ordered.

Snape lay on the ground, panting.

"Do not ignore my call again, Severus.You are lucky I didn't kill you because of last time.I just thought that I might give you one last chance.And this is only because of the quality service that you've given to our cause in the past…I kind of like you, boy."

He nodded, still panting.

But he was still alive.That would be enough, for now.

***

Sirius arrived a few hours later with her children."Mama, what's wrong?" Michael asked.

She continued pacing in Dumbledore's office."They've taken Severus, and it's not safe for you to be away from Hogwarts now.You'll have to stay here."

"But what about you?You can't leave us…"

She kissed both of her sons."I love you both very much.But if I stay here with you, all three of us will be in danger.And there's no telling how long it will last.But if I work hard enough, all four of us can be back at home and together again."

"Or you could never come back, like Papa."

She hugged them against her."I will come back.I won't have you two afraid to go out in the streets because your Papa was a muggle.So, stay here.Severus and I will work hard to make it safe for you."

She looked up at Sirius."Take them both.I need to speak with Professor Dumbledore."

He nodded at the blond, relieved to see that her humanity hadn't totally left her when she became a Snape.Sirius escorted the two boys to the kitchens.

"Fudge wants to make me an Auror," Antonia began."But it's too dangerous for Severus.There's no _way_ the Dark Lord would believe it if his right hand was married to a trained hit wizard."

"You'll have to decline, Antonia.Tell Fudge you have children to think about, tell him you're allergic to Forbidden Curses.Tell him whatever you have to, but _do not take the position_.If you do, Severus is as good as dead."

She went back to pacing in front of his desk."What's going to happen to Severus when the Dark Lord finds out about us?"

"The name is _Voldemort_.And it won't be pretty.His right hand married a 'muggle-lover with two halfblood children' who works for the Ministry, no less."

"He's going to kill him.We have to do something."

"You're going to wear out the rug if you keep pacing like that."

"What else am I supposed to do?Bust in with trained hit wizards in masks and take out the entire dark side?" 

"You'll just have to make a career change," Dumbledore began calmly.

"And what do you propose I do?"

"We need a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, you know…"

***

"Maybe I shouldn't let you live," Voldemort said in his high voice."Perhaps I should use you for an example as to what happens to those who betrayed me…"He flicked his wand and announced cruelly, _"Crucio_."

He heard a bloodcurdling scream, and was horrified to realize that such a sound was coming from him..._She_ wouldn't scream if it were her, and he knew it.If he was going to die, he wanted to die with dignity. 

"_Finite Cantitum._Stand up, Snape.Face me like a man before I kill you._Avada K_a---" 

"Wait," he gasped, "You'll lose your best spy…"He closed his eyes, knowing that the green flash of light would overtake him.

The monster stopped his curse.He stood in silence, contemplating the truth of those words."Explain," he hissed.

"Dumbledore," he panted, "Is convinced that I was a spy for him.I gave him little tidbits of information that I'd heard about the Death Eaters over the years, and he gave me inside information on what the ministry is doing.My position as Dumbledore's right hand is secure, secure enough to feed you information, as long as you let me live."

"You will have to _earn_ your position in my ranking back, boy.I don't take kindly to betrayal…The next time I doubt your loyalty, I shall allow Lucius to have fun with you…"

"_Lucius_," Snape hissed."Do you really think that he is loyal to you?He was one of the first to scream bewitchment after your 'fall'.You call that loyal?"

"_Wingardium leviosa!"_Voldemort hissed."Do not press your luck, boy.You are only alive right now because I feel generous."

Severus floated above Voldemort's head._Shit_, Severus thought.

"_Abicio_," the reptilian creature hissed, his forked tongue flicking.

Snape went flying through the air, as though he was a bludger who'd been smacked away by a Quidditch beater.Snape bounced off a tree, with no magic to cushion him."Ow!" he yelped as he landed on his ass.

One by one, other Death Eaters began appearing and gathering in a clearing in the forest.They looked pleased to be before the Dark Lord once more.

"I will not tolerate your insolence.Nor will I allow you to behave as though I don't know what _each and every single one of you have been up to in my absence._Welcome home, my prodigal son," Voldemort said, pointing to the empty space in the circle where Snape usually stood…

"Thank you, my Lord," he murmured, his head bowed.

"The Lestranges will be joining us again soon," he announced."Unfortunately, Bart Crouch, my most faithful servant of all, will no longer be able to join us.That fool Fudge had sentenced him to the Dementor's Kiss.When the Dementors rejoin us, they will give the Kiss to Fudge.The worthless old fool shall have it, after what he has done to my faithful followers…"

He turned his gaze to the Potions Master."You, Severus, will be on the lookout for youngsters in your house that may be worthy of our cause."

His gaze turned to Lucius."And I will be expecting you to bring your boy soon.He is old enough to join our ranks."


	6. Descent to the Maelstrom: Breaking the G...

A/NI don't own anything but Antonia.And I'm not making any money off of this.However, I **_did_** notice a slight error in the last part.There's another fic that I was linked to today called "The Losers".Some of the conversation between Voldie and Snape was unbelievably similar.I'm not sure if it's because my muse (aka Tempesta) read the story, or if I did.Thanks to Tempesta for being my muse, and to Tessie for consistently reviewing.Oh, and the ratio of reviews to readers is absolutely dismal.Would it be too painful for y'all to _please_ review?Muchos gracias.J

She had their things packed.It wouldn't take long to have her personal possessions settled in Severus's room at Hogwarts.Or, in her own room at Hogwarts, if he really felt that he needed his space away from her.The rest of their things?It could all sit in her mother's basement.All that mattered is that she and her children were safe, and that Severus stayed alive.

Severus.The Dark Lord couldn't have killed him…He just _couldn't._Her breathing became harsh and ragged; her packing time increased as she hastily shoved various items into large boxes.

She heard a pop, and Severus apparated in a battered heap at her feet.

"Antonia," he groaned.

She cried out, and knelt down to him."What did they do to you?" she wept.Hastily, she ripped a strip off the bottom of her blue robes and began wiping away the blood from his face.

"I'm back in the fold," he gasped, passing out at her feet.

"Severus, you greasy bastard, don't you dare die on me," she hissed."I love you, you stupid son of a bitch!"She apparated, clutching him against her.

They landed in the middle of Hogsmeade.The witch magically conjured up a stretcher for her spouse and carried him back to the school.

McGonagall met them on the edge of the grounds."What the Hell?"

"What does it fucking look like?!" she screamed, nearing hysteria."Where's Dumbledore?Severus needs him," the witch choked.

The transfiguration professor glared at her and nodded coolly."We'll take Severus to see Madam Pomfrey.Professor Dumbledore can join us in the hospital wing." 

Poppy Pomfrey looked horrified at the sight of the ill-tempered potions master's beaten form."He'll need rest," she said, quickly placing bizarre salves on his bloodied and bruised injuries.

"He'll…he'll…"Antonia stuttered.

"Live?Yes.He'll just wish that he hadn't for a couple of days."Poppy shoved them out of the hospital wing.

"Of all the stupid…How could he have…"Antonia muttered to herself, tossing in an occasional curse here and there.

Dumbledore silently walked up behind the women."If he hadn't gone, Voldemort would have killed you both.But I believe he told you that, didn't he?" Dumbledore calmly informed the fretting wife.

"We could have run!We could have done…"

"Absolutely nothing.Severus did what was best for you," Dumbledore interjected calmly."If he hadn't gone, Voldemort would have dispatched a group of Death Eaters to your home immediately.And they would have had a special torture just for you, Antonia, before they killed you."

"I swear, I'll fucking rip him apart with my bare hands.I won't need a wand," she fumed, still pacing the stone corridor.

"Antonia!I expect your language to be adequately cleaned up by the time the students arrive," Dumbledore stated.

McGonagall blinked."Excuse me?"

"Mrs. Snape has agreed to be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor," he calmly informed the deputy headmistress.

"Excuse me?" she repeated.

"Mr. Moody isn't willing to spend another year at Hogwarts, even if we make sure he doesn't get locked in a trunk.Remus won't take the job because he turns into a dog once a month.Lockheart's memory charm worked a little too well on himself.Quirrell is dead.And the Aurors are all battening down for a battle, so none of _them_ can come over and teach.Have you any other suggestions?"

Antonia spoke up."Why not Severus?"

Minerva shot her a glare."A Death Eater, teaching _Defense_?Please."

Dumbledore cut in before Antonia could get her hackles up."Because it would arouse suspicion.After we no longer have to worry about Voldemort, then you two could feel free to switch positions.Antonia, I'll let you explain it to Severus when he regains consciousness.I'm sure he'll take it better from you."

Antonia nodded."I'll make him understand.This is the only way that we can all be safe.The Dark Lord wouldn't let Severus live five minutes if he knew that his wife worked for the Ministry."

***

# Twenty-four hours later

"Severus, I'm so glad you're okay," she breathed, clutching his hand in hers as she knelt beside his bed.

"I love you, Antonia.Don't you understand that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you?I live for you, and I'd die for you," he replied, his voice cracking.

She drew his hand up to her and kissed his knuckles."Don't go getting in too big of a hurry to die for me.I'm not ready to let you go, yet."

He smiled, only for it to be replaced with a grimace of pain."I don't want to leave you, yet.I just got you."

"What happened to you?What did that bastard do?"

Dumbledore quietly sat down beside them and nodded for Severus to continue.

"Don't talk about him like that…He used the Cruciatus curse on me…"She gasped."…twice, and threw me into a tree."

"We're very lucky," she whispered.

"The Dark Lord took pity on me," he said simply, his voice still dry.

"We're going to have to make a few changes, darling, so it will be safe for us to be together…"

Almost imperceptibly, he nodded.

Dumbledore took that as his cue to leave the two young lovers alone.

She continued."I've quit my job at the Ministry of Magic.Professor Dumbledore has offered me a job at Hogwarts'…We'll talk about it more when you're up to it."

He looked at her quizzically, but wasn't up to pushing the issue.

"Do you want me to move into my own bedchamber?" she offered.

"No.Move into my bedchamber.I want you by my side always," he rasped."I love you, Antonia, and I think I would go mad, to know that you were sleeping down the hall, so close to me, but so inaccessible."

She smiled softly."I'll let Professor Dumbledore know, and we'll work on clearing out my apartment and putting everything in storage at my mother's."She rose to her feet and softly brushed her lips against his."I love you, and I'll be here when you wake up.You need rest."

Dumbledore looked at her quizzically when she walked up to his office."How did he take it?"

She shook her head."I didn't tell him."

He looked at her reproachfully."He's going to find out, Antonia.Would you rather him find out from you, or from someone else?"

"I'll tell him.Just not yet."

"Then, when?" he pressed.

She bit her lip and looked away."I'll tell him when he's well.But we did establish that he'd prefer that I moved into his bedchamber, rather than the room that you normally give the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher."

Dumbledore smiled."Did you really think he'd have it any other way?"

She smiled warmly."I suppose not."Her smile faded."But he might change his mind when he finds out exactly what I'll be teaching…"

***

# One week later

Severus was back in his own room, with his wife sleeping beside him again.He was able to walk, and Madam Pomfrey had worked miracles with healing his broken bones and repairing his cuts and bruises.Antonia was happy to see that her husband and lover was as good as new.

"Severus?"

He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close."Yes?"

"Have I told you today exactly how much I love you?"

He smiled softly at her."Not today you haven't…"

She held her hand up and pinched her thumb and forefinger together."I love you all the world outside my fingers."

He kind of sneered, but without his usual bite."Antonia, my love, have I ever told you how sickeningly sweet you can be?"He kissed her forehead gently, still filled with disbelief that this beautiful, high spirited little sprite actually loved him, too."And I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."

She bit her lip, wondering how to begin."Remember when I told you that Dumbledore offered me a teaching position here?" she began, filled with trepidation.

"Mmmhmmm," he replied, inhaling the fragrance of her perfume.

"You realize that there's only one position open right now…"

His eyes narrowed.He had a feeling he wasn't going to like where this was going.

"It's the Defense Against the Dark Arts position."

"_What?!_How could you?You _knew_ that I've wanted that position for years!" he shouted, pushing her away.

"Severus, please…"

"You fucking bitch!You seduce me, you marry me, you worm your way into my heart, and then you take the one thing that I've wanted for years!"

"_I_ seduced _you?!_Please.We aren't going to start that crap again, are we?"

"How could you take that job?!You're my wife!What ever happened to love and honor and all of that?Or did those vows not mean anything to you?"

"Severus, I…"

"Instead, you stab me in the back!I'm risking my life and trying to keep you alive, and you take that position!What the Hell kind of person would do that to someone she claims to love?!"

She sat up right and glared at him."You doubt my love for you?I'd move heaven and earth to be with you.I've loved you since I was thirteen years old!How could you ever fucking think that?"

His black eyes no longer held love for her.They were murderously frigid, and fixed upon her."You took something that I've been working at for years.I let you in, _I trusted you_, and I gave you my heart and soul…And this is what you do to me," he hissed, his voice now quiet and cold.

She turned away from him."You don't understand, Severus.You have no clue what's going on here."

"I understand," he sneered."I understand that my wife of nine days has just betrayed me."

Her shoulders slumped; she looked defeated."Betrayal.There's so much more to this than you will ever know.I took this position _for_ you, not from you.If you'll get your head out of your ass and listen, then you'd understand."

She quietly slipped on her robe and walked out of the room.

Severus flopped back on the bed, nursing his murderous rage.When he fell asleep, he was still furious.

***

She sat by the lake in a state of silence, paying no attention to the water fairies that flew around her.The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing.As she settled down, the sky grew darker.By the time her eternally present flock of fae positioned themselves around her, the sky was a murderous, ugly gray._Great.A perfect day.The weather matches my fucking mood._Not even the fairies, pulling up the best tricks that they could muster, could place a smile on her face.

"Not now, guys," she said to the fae as they flitted about."I need some time alone…"Most of them scattered, except for one, who gave her a mournful look."I'm not trying to be a bitch," she said, growing annoyed, "I just need some time completely alone, and that includes you."The fairy gave her one last pleading glance before she flew off.

She heard footsteps crunching in the grass behind her.She paid them no mind.It wasn't Severus, the strides weren't his.And he was too injured to come traipsing after her across the grounds, anyway.

"Trouble in paradise?" a low voice rumbled.

She looked up at her former date."What do you care?"

He smiled, bestowing her with his most handsome, charming smile."I hate to see a beautiful lady in distress."

"I'm not a lady," she corrected shortly.

"No," he agreed, "no, you're far from a lady…I'd never known a lady that was as proficient in swearing and throwing curses as you."

"You're an ass.Honestly, I came out here because I wanted to be alone, not because I wanted some overeager mongrel to chase me down."The look that she gave Sirius Black implied that he meant less to her than a slug under her shoe.

He was genuinely amused by her."How on earth did you saddle yourself with Snape?Even with your intolerable personality, there are better men out there that would be pleased to have you by their sides…"

"I find it rather presumptuous on your part to think that there is a better man out there than Severus," she responded icily."You and I obviously have very differing standards of what constitutes a good man.I, personally, find it repugnant when a man would prefer to have me on his arm as a showpiece.And I find myself under the impression that this is what you are referring to when you say a man would be 'pleased to have me' at his side."

"Perhaps," he mused."I remember when I took you to the Yule ball all those years ago…You were beautiful that night.I was very proud to be there with you, both to have you 'at my side' as well as to have you 'on my arm'…And you seemed pleased to be there with me, as well."

A half smile flashed across her features for a second."I was fifteen.You were two years ahead of me, and so very sought after.If I couldn't go with the one that I _really_ wanted, then you were the next best thing."

He laughed."So that's why I couldn't get you to come out to the edge of the forest with me…You couldn't have the nasty little Slytherin boy that you really wanted, so you went with the popular Gryffindor, instead.Then again, you've never been known for having good taste."

She turned her gaze back to the lake."I'm very happy with the decisions that I've made."

He slipped a finger under her chin and turned her face towards him."Are you?" he asked, looking into those bottomless blue pools of hers."Are you really happy?Is that why I came out here and found you alone?You didn't look like someone who was happy.You actually looked like you'd just lost your best friend."

She pushed him away, and turned her gaze back to the lake."I married the man that I've always wanted to be with."

"But now you find yourself wondering if he's what you really want, don't you?After all, how many men in your life have you allowed to treat you like he does?He says things that cut you to the quick, doesn't he?Isn't that what he did to you today?"

"It's really none of your business."

"He must have been furious when he found out that you were going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor…Not only was he bested by a woman, but he had been bested by his own wife…I bet that just tore at his pride."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she protested feebly.

"You're a very feeling person, Antonia, when you aren't hiding it behind that hard hearted veneer.I saw it today when you spoke to your children.For Snape to talk to you like that…To call you a liar and every name in the book that he could think of…That must have hurt.Did he say anything else to you to further twist the dagger that he'd plunged into your heart?"

She bit her lip and tried to repress a sob.

"And now that he's said those horrible, hateful things to you, how can you not help but wonder if you made a mistake?After all, you gave this man your body and your heart… and, more importantly, you gave him a role of importance in the lives of your children… your children who are already lacking in a father figure."

"What are you trying to prove, Sirius?That my life is a living Hell?That everything I touch falls to pieces?" she burst out, furious at him."Maybe I jumped into marrying Severus too quickly.But you know what?I love him!He's a completely wretched bastard, but I still love the prick!"

He shook his head, bemused at her emotional outburst."At least you aren't blind to his faults…"

She looked at him hatefully."No, I'm not blind, and I'm nobody's fool.And, even if it all falls apart on me, I'll never be sorry for marrying Severus.No one, not even _you_, can say anything that will turn me against him."

The tiny witch rose to her feet and went back up to the castle.With each step, she grew more resolute.He would listen, damn it, even if she had to knock him senseless with her bare hands."By God, Severus Snape, we took a vow that said 'til death do you part'.You're not dead, yet," she said resolutely._Although, if you don't get your head out of your ass, I just might have to consider killing you_, she thought.

By the time she made it back up to their bedchamber, she just _knew_ that he was going to be calm.There was no doubt in her mind that she could reason with him as she twisted the doorknob.

"Severus?" she called out, looking around the room.He wasn't in bed where she left him…He wasn't supposed to be wandering around alone…Where the Hell was he?

She panicked.A band of Death Eaters kidnapped him and were tortured him.She'd find his battered and dismembered body scattered across the front lawn in the morning."Please be okay," she whispered, pacing back and forth.

Hours went by.Her fae started pulling back the bedclothes.How could they expect her to sleep when she didn't have the faintest idea as to the location of her injured spouse?

She heard him before she saw him.A man in black looking like an overgrown bat stepped out of the green flame in the fireplace, clutching a broomstick.It was him.

"Where the Hell have you _been_?" she shrieked."There'd better be a damned good explanation as to why you just disappeared without even leaving me a fucking note!"

"Are you my wife or my mother?" he snarled, tossing his Clean Sweep 7 in the corner."The last time I checked, I didn't have to report my every damn move to you."

"I just come back, and I find an empty bed.You're hurt!You can't just go flying around the countryside."

"I can do whatever I please.I am an adult.I do not need a sitter.Besides that, I don't recall _you_ telling me where you were going when you stormed out of here in a fit of temper earlier," he reminded her, using his most cutting tone.

"I was worried about you," she responded quietly, too hurt by his attitude to scream.

"Maybe if you weren't such a backstabbing bitch, I wouldn't feel the need to leave," he spat, glaring at her hatefully.

She stepped back for a second, stunned.She felt a few wretched tears slip down her cheek before she regained her composure.How could he?After the time that she'd spent pacing and worrying, how could he treat her like that?

Her eyes narrowed.Her voice was as bitter and cold as his when she responded, "If you'd ever fucking listen to anyone aside from your own demented sense of logic, then maybe you'd understand why I did what I did.But, instead, you insist upon being a cruel bastard.Are you trying to make me leave?Have you suddenly decided that you don't want a wife?"

"I am not opposed to having a wife.I am opposed to having a wife who wishes to keep me on a short leash.I already have one master; I can not serve two," he hissed.

"So, that's what this is about.You're getting back into being a big, bad Death Eater…"

He raised his hand to strike her, and dropped it when he saw her flinch.He stared at her with hatred for a moment.

She stood back silent, knowing that she'd gone too far this time.The only thing to do would be to wait for the repercussions.

Once, she'd realized that he wasn't going to beat her, she launched back into her tirade."Do you expect me to stay back and calmly allow you to treat me like Narcissa Malfoy is treated?I won't stand for it.I love you, Severus, and I know you're walking a tightrope!"She desperately reached out for his hand, only for him to snatch it away from her."But how can I help you if you keep shutting me out?" she pleaded.

"Maybe I don't want your help," he hissed, covering his shame over nearly hitting his wife._"I_ bare the burden of the dark mark, not you.There's nothing you can do to help me."

She looked up at him, the hurt etched across her face.She didn't think she could be more hurt if he _had_ slapped her."Severus, I love you.I said that I'd be with you, for better or for worse.We're just getting the worse part sooner than most people.I can't be there when you face him.But I can be here when you come home."

He turned away from her."I know you're just…You want to…"He sighed."It isn't easy being me, Antonia."

She slipped up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against her back."Don't turn away from me, Severus.Even if you hate me, please don't turn your back on me."

He turned to face her as her embrace loosened."I can't hate you," he promised, his lips brushing her forehead."Although God knows I've tried."

She began unbuttoning his robe with nimble fingers.She couldn't shake the feeling that, if she didn't touch him soon, she'd die where she stood.

Severus took her hands away and gently scooped her up.He carried her off to his tall, four poster bed and gently lay her on the thick mattress."You're going to drive me to the brink of madness," he whispered, running his hand up one smooth thigh…

Antonia pulled him closer to her.Her hands and lips were everywhere, touching and kissing him.God, how she needed him.And as long as her touch made him feel the way that he did, she knew that he would need her, too.


	7. Descent to the Maelstrom: Beauty and the...

A/N: Antonia and the fae are mine.All else is JK's.Tempesta, my beloved muse, once more, I would have been lost without you.Tessie, thanks so much for adding me to your Alert status!preensAmanita Lestrange, Antonia is a bit of a character, isn't she?I don't know if I'd describe her as "trashy", but she's definitely in a class by herself.As for what her relationship with Sirius will become… well, you'll just have to wait for that, right?Thanks to everyone who reviewed.JOh, and Antonia says thanks, too… (but she gave Amanita the finger for calling her trashy… grins)

As always, please review!We fanfic authors need our egos stroked, you know!

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She lay against him, one thigh casually draped over him."You, my love, are going to cause me to lose consciousness if you improve much more," she murmured, her tone slightly breathless.

Severus gazed at the blond nymphet that lay beside him.She wore this look of awe that would have warmed him if not for the fact that he felt like he was on fire where she touched him."I had a very good teacher," he replied, trailing a lazy finger up the creamy whiteness of her thigh.

Thoughts of the Defense Against the Dark Arts position popped in her head at the use of the word "teacher".Should she bring it up now, while he was in a good mood, or should she keep silent so as not to spoil the mood?It was, after all, the first moment of peace that they'd had since she'd moved into the castle…

She snuggled closer, hoping that the feel of her against him would act as a distraction."Severus?Can I talk to you without you getting angry with me?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, and a faint sneer etched across his face.He just _knew_ that he wasn't going to like this…"Talk," he said coldly, after he repositioned himself in a sitting position."But I want your wand somewhere out of reach."

She batted her blue eyes innocently and gave him her sweetest little "who, me?" smile.When he didn't budge, she tossed her willow wand over on their dresser."How long do you think the Dark Lord would let you live while you had a wife in the ministry?Especially if you were married to an Auror?Fudge wanted to promote me to an Auror, and then perhaps to an Unspeakable.And, as you've said, I'm a muggle-lover.I was alone and unprotected in my apartment, and I'd still be alone and unprotected, even as your wife, because you wouldn't be aloud to move your spouse on the grounds with you.I would be dead within the week.And so would you."

He nodded coldly."I'm not disputing your decision to leave the Ministry.I'm not some pathetic, penniless wizard.I could support you and your children on my salary alone."

"But would you want to?Does it seem fair, that you would suddenly be the sole means of support for three people?Your money is yours, love, and I didn't marry you to take it."

Snape nodded coldly."Then why couldn't you ask for the Potions job?You're every bit as good at Potions as I."

She gave a wan smile."I did.Dumbledore pointed out that the Dark Lord would get suspicious over any changes in your position at Hogwarts, especially right now.Once this mess is settled, we can switch positions.You can have your dream job, and I can still work here and be with you."

"How long until this mess is settled?We've yet to truly vanquish Voldemort," he replied bitterly.

She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him, her blue eyes wide with emotion."Severus, look at it this way…You'll get half of your dream.There _will_ be a Professor Snape teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.It just won't be you, right away.Although it will be close: your wife, the person who would die for you, will be teaching.I know Dark Arts.That's why Fudge wanted to make me an Auror.But I don't know much about _teaching_…"

He glared at her.

"Look, you're the better man for the job, and we both know it," she admitted.

He cut her off."Considering you aren't a man at all…"

"Don't be facetious."She continued as though he never interrupted."But you can sit with me and work through the lesson plans with me.I can teach your lessons.Just think of the advantage it would give our side, if we could teach these kids how to fend off the Death Eaters."

He sighed and wrapped an arm around her."I don't have to like it.But I'll support you.The truth is, I need you."

She smiled.She'd just been given an admission of need from a man that feels that needing anyone else is a terrible thing."I love you."

He smiled back at his wife.He loved her… he hated her…she had to die…He would kill the fucking Death Eater that came near her.

He pulled her closer, hoping that her touch would stamp out the conflicting thoughts running through his head.He held her until he fell into a restless sleep, but he kept reaching out for her as the nightmares came.

***

She awoke to a thin ray of sunshine filtering through the narrow windows of the dungeon and a band of fairies brushing her hair.Disoriented, she swatted the fae away and felt her eyes come into focus.It had been a terrible night.She kept waking up every time Severus would talk in his sleep.As she heard him cry out things like, "No, not Lily!" and "Please, don't take her…", she would whisper reassuring things in his ears.As much as Antonia loathed hearing the dead woman's name trip so lovingly from her husband's lips, she knew that meeting the Dark Lord must have brought all that pain back.But she wouldn't deny that her soul ached when she heard him cry out "Don't!I love her!"

She felt a fae brush gently against her face."I'm coming," she hissed, annoyed by their impatience."Just don't make too much of an ass of yourselves at breakfast, or Dumbledore could make you leave."

They made a little heart formation in the air.One of them squeaked and blew her a kiss.

She laughed quietly and shook her head as she slipped on her robes.She kissed her sleeping husband gently before she turned her attention back to the fae."Let's go back to the lake, so you guys can run around and play as much as you'd like without disturbing anyone else."

Noiselessly, the petite blond glided through the castle, as silent as the Bloody Baron in his silvery bloodstained robes.She walked out on to the grass, feeling the dampness of the morning dew absorb into her lavender robe.The witch and her fae resumed their spot by the lake, which also happened to be a particularly bright and sunny spot.

She heard footsteps behind her nearly thirty minutes later."Hello, Sirius," she greeted coolly, not even bothering to look up.

He settled down beside her, exactly where he had sat the day before."Good morning.I'm surprised to see you up this early," he offered companionably.

She nodded at her fairy friends, who were happily flitting about near the top of the water, much to the irritation of the resident water fae."They woke me up.They were in the mood to play."

"They follow you everywhere?" he inquired.

She smiled softly at her companions."Pretty much.They'll leave when I ask them to, and, of course, they don't follow me when I apparate.If I do that, then they just wait for me at home."

"I've never seen fairies just endlessly follow a witch around before…"

She shrugged, her golden hair falling around her.

"Snape hates them, doesn't he."A statement, not a question.Sirius was rather certain that he already knew the answer to that.

"He doesn't care for them, no," she admitted.

He sighed deeply."Ah, yet another source of friction for you and the potions master…How on earth do you expect to maintain a lasting marriage with someone who really doesn't get along with you?"

She quickly found herself growing annoyed with the tall, broad shouldered man who was far too willing to partake in her company."What does it matter to you?He doesn't like the fairies.Big deal.A lot of people don't."

"But you do," Black pointed out.

"Sometimes.There are times that I send them on their merry little way."

"I just don't understand what you see in him," Sirius complained.

A sweet smile spread across her face, brightening her countenance."I see the world.He's everything that I ever wanted.And when he kisses me, I know that he really does love me…"

He snorted."Are you sure that you don't mean 'he won't leave me'?I don't see Snape as being capable of loving anyone."

She bit her lip and turned away.She'd heard whose name Severus had been crying out in his sleep… and it wasn't hers…

Sirius kept on."How long has it been since he's shown you any sort of affection without you initiating?Or without him taking you to bed when he does initiate?"

She felt tears stinging her eyes.Had he shown any sign of truly caring for her since she took the Defense Against the Dark Arts position?Was she only valued as a mere object, rather than cared for as a person?She thought she was going to be sick.

She heard a heartbroken sob and felt her shoulders shake.Only when Sirius put a comforting arm around her did she realize that those sickeningly pathetic sounds were coming from her.

"Shh…"He pulled her in his lap, amazed at how very weightless she was, and rocked her against him."It's okay," he murmured gently, stroking her soft blond hair as he held her.

"What if… what if it's all a lie?" she sobbed.She'd never felt so lost in her life.

He kissed her flaxen locks affectionately."I'm sorry," he whispered, "I shouldn't have just kept going…Severus Snape has never been an easy creature to get along with, and you have the misfortune of being married to the bastard."

"It's not his fault," she hiccupped."I-I took his job, I p-push his buh-buttons… I'm not easy to be with…" 

He held her tightly as sobs shook her body.He couldn't help but feel badly for anyone who had the misfortune of caring for Severus Snape.And that it was _her_…With her face, she could have had so much more.He tilted her chin up and forced her blue eyes to gaze upon his face."Hey," he said softly."Don't ever let me hear you sell yourself short like that again.I happen to think you're pretty great… even if you _are_ a bitch."With that, his lips brushed hers gently.

"So," a cold voice spat, filled with hatred."I fall asleep with my arms around you, oh, loving _wife_, and I wake to find you curled up with the bastard that tried to kill me?"

She leaped up from Sirius's lap."No!It's not _like_ that!How could you think that I would do that to you?" she cried out, staring into the face of her enraged spouse.

_"You're the only one that I've ever really wanted_," he sneered, mocking the words that she'd so lovingly spoken to him."I can see that.I'm the only one that you've ever really wanted until the next 'only one' comes along."

Hurt flashed across her face."Do you honestly think that something would be happening with someone else?It hasn't even been two fucking weeks, and you're already accusing me of having a lover.That says a lot: either you really do think I'm a whore, or you really have no idea how wonderful of a lover you are."

Sirius stood.He really wasn't sure _what_ he should do…The way that Snape was treating Antonia filled him with rage, but the thought of him having sex with her nearly made him ill.

Severus glared at Sirius."I'd like to speak to my wife," he said frostily.

Black's eyes narrowed as he glared at his old rival."You will treat her with respect.There's nothing going on between Antonia and me.She needed a friend because of how _you_ treat her."

Antonia placed a hand on Sirius's arm and looked up at him."I'll be okay.Really.Please go," she asked softly.

"If he does one thing…Just…"Black stalked off.

Snape's shoulders slumped; the fight went out of him."I've never treated you like less than a lady.I've always been amazed that you saw anything in me.I know that I'm not the most attractive man out there, Antonia, but I can offer you one thing that Sirius Black can't.I love you."

They both looked defeated.

Her blue eyes were downcast."How could you think that I would be unfaithful?"

"I saw that bastard's arms around you.I _saw_ him kiss you.My eyes do not lie," he added waspishly.

At his tone, the fight went right back into her."And I heard you cry out in your sleep last night.And the name you cried out wasn't mine," she countered bitterly.

"What are you talking about?"

Her blue eyes narrowed icily."I sleep right beside you, darling.Every toss, ever turn, every sneeze…_And every time you scream for Lily_…I hear it."

"I saw her for a moment.Then she turned into you, and Voldemort was standing over you with his wand, and you were begging him not to killyour children.He screamed the killing curse, and all three of you were dead."He looked away before she could see his eyes water."I don't want to live without you, Antonia.Living with you may be agony, but living without you is bound to be worse."

"I don't understand anything anymore, Severus.You don't talk to me unless I'm angry.You don't touch me unless it's to make love to me.You treat me like I'm the enemy," she said quietly."I feel like you aren't willing to forgive me for taking the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, even though it's only temporary.That's when you started treating me like… like…"Antonia paused and took a deep breath."If loving me and being with me doesn't make you happy, then please tell me now.If you decide that you're going to leave me, I'd rather it be now than later."

He knelt before her on one knee and took her hand in his."Antonia," he began, looking up at her, "I won't leave you.I know we've only been together a short time, but I already don't know how I lived before you."

"I love you.I don't want anything to come between us…Not this battle with the Dark Lord, not my children, not the Defense Against the Dark Arts position…"

She felt him stiffen at the mention of the job."Severus, I'll tell Dumbledore that I've changed my mind.I'll go back to working at the Ministry.I don't _care_ about that position.All it did was give us an opportunity together, but it seems like it's tearing us apart, instead.If it's going to cause you to resent me, then it isn't worth it."

"No," he said reluctantly."I can't have you in a job that could get you killed.And I can't be without you."

Slowly, a beautiful smile spread across her face.She was convinced, truly convinced, that Severus Snape really did love her.

She sat down on the grass before him and rested her head on his knee."Why can't we get it together?Why do we have to argue like we hate each other?"

He touched her face with a gentle tenderness."Because we are both so certain in what we believe that we take it personally when someone else disagrees…"

"What's going to stop us from tearing each other apart?Neither one of us really knows how to give in."

He sat down on the grass and pulled her into his lap."Antonia, look at the two of us.Does anything about us being together make sense?Look at us.There's you…You're blond and beautiful…Your skin feels like satin and your hair is like the sun. You smell like peaches, your kisses taste like strawberries.You're brilliant; everyone loves you…"

She scoffed.She could think of a few people that would like her dead… but only after they bedded her, first, of course.

"…And then, there's me," he added.

She shook her head."You have to be the most brave and loyal man that I know.You're willing to try to do something that no one has ever done: you try to love me.And I don't know how you do it.I know that I say things to you that hurt you, that make you feel like less of a man.I don't mean to do it.Things just… come out, and I know that I shouldn't say them.And, for the record, there's quite a few people who don't love me."

He gently brushed his lips against hers."How could you say that no one has ever tried to love you?You're everything a man could want."

"It's only because of my face and my body.If I were ugly, I would be stoned.When you hear people talk about me, do they ever say how smart I am, or how kind I can be?No.It's always my face or my body…How flawless I appear to be…How they'd love to take me to bed for the weekend…And if it weren't for my satisfactory performance in bed, they'd never stay with me past the weekend._They never, ever try to love me_."

"Then they were bloody fools.They had the most wonderful, loving woman in the world before them, and they _chose _to never see more than the obvious," he declared.His fortune at having such a wonderful creature in his arms never ceased to amaze him.

"It's always been like this.When I was growing up, my father referred to me as his little gem.Not because I was wonderful and special, but because I was a pretty child.I used to stare in the mirror and wish that I would be ugly.And it never happened.My mother always told me that my face would be my fortune.They never really loved me."

He didn't know what to say to this revelation.

"Even David…He used to tell me that he loved me, and he wanted to marry me…'Make our family legal,' he'd say…But when I asked him what he loved about me, he would tell me that I was beautiful."

He held her tightly and buried his face in her hair so that she could not see the rage in his eyes at the men who'd come before him."Antonia Delaney Snape, I've never loved you more than I love you now."

She looked up at him, adoration reflected brightly in her blue eyes."I love you."

"And I always will," he added.

***

Sirius stood in Dumbledore's office."I don't understand what she sees in him," he grumbled, pacing in front of the window.When he looked out the window, he could just see the couple sitting together at the lake.He didn't know what, exactly, they were doing, but he had a sinking feeling that he really didn't want to know, either.

Dumbledore looked at his friend with a smile."Honestly, Sirius, you should understand these things by now.To love is to love.There's no logic behind it."

"But, sir, look at them…"

"I've seen them," he replied patiently."I saw them get married.I've seen them argue.I've seen the glances they pass when they think that no one else is looking."

"He's disgusting."

"Now you're just making it personal, because of the tumultuous relationship that you and Severus shared while growing up.If she were sitting there with… say, Remus, you wouldn't have these feelings."

"Probably," he admitted.

Dumbledore closed the curtains, blocking Sirius's view of the lake."They're like the story of Beauty and the Beast.However beastly and horrid the Beast was, the Beauty couldn't help but see past it and care for him."


	8. Descent to the Maelstrom: There's Someth...

A/N:All characters belong to JK, except Antonia.Blah blah blah, et cetera, et cetera.Thanks so much to those who've put me on Author Alert status.Talk about an ego stroking!JAnd reviews from all have been greatly appreciated.However, the ratio of readers to reviewers is still horrendously low! I mean, 46 readers to one review!Come on!Please?hopes she's groveled sufficientlyAnd, thanks for reading.

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It was the first day of term.After Severus and Antonia spent an uneventful summer (with bickering kept to a minimum), they were definitely ready for the term to start.To Antonia, it represented a new beginning.To Severus, it represented being one year closer to having the Defense Against the Dark Arts position… and being rid of that damned Potter brat.

As the students filed in the Great Hall for the feast, there were murmurs and whispers, and numerous surreptitious glances at the professors' table. They could hear whispers of "hot" and "babe" from some of the students.

At the Slytherin table, Draco found himself staring at the blond woman.He was in love.There was this beautiful woman with hair as golden as his was white…Her hair fell past her waist.She was…Wow.

At the Gryffindor table, the fifth years were chattering like mad over the blond at the professor's table, as well."Harry," Ron hissed."Look at the woman sitting by Snape!"

Harry glanced over at her and nearly toppled out of his chair."She's really pretty…Look, Snape isn't glaring at her like he usually does when we get a new teacher."

"Maybe she's not teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Ron suggested.

"Don't be ridiculous," Hermione scoffed."That's the only position open."

"But look at her," Ron protested."She's _way_ too pretty to teach Dark Arts…"

Hermione responded defensively."Why can't a woman teach Defense?Do you think that we aren't smart enough or brave enough?"

Ron opened his mouth to respond when Dumbledore stood up.

"Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts'.Before us spans a new year, bright with possibilities.We have new faces, new prefects…"

At the Gryffindor table, Hermione beamed.

"…and new professors.I'd like to introduce Professor Snape, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

_"They can't have made Snape a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!"_ Ron hissed.

"Well, Dumbledore just said that they did…"Hermione looked ill.

"He still hasn't introduced us to the woman," Harry pointed out quietly.

Meanwhile, the Slytherin table had erupted into cheers.Their head of house finally had the perfect position that he'd wanted.And they'd finally have a good Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

Draco smiled, a small satisfied smile.Yeah, this was going to be his best year at Hogwarts' ever.

But, even at the end of the feast, no one truly had a clue as to who the woman beside Snape was.

***

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asked as they both disrobed for bed.(And, for all those out there that are wondering if it's boxers or briefs, the answer is none.)

She shrugged off her pure white dress robes, revealing alabaster skin underneath."As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose…"

He gave her a tiny, affectionate smile."No wife of mine will do poorly in the Dark Arts.We've worked on your lesson plans.You'll have no problems with the Slytherin students, unless they want to experience the way that I treat Gryffindors…And you'll have no problems with Gryffindors because they won't want to deal with McGonagall…Hufflepuffs are too stupid to cause a problem, and Ravenclaws are... well, you were a Ravenclaw."

She slipped between the sheets and felt the reassuring shift of weight as her husband lay down beside her."Have I shown you my appreciation for all the help you've given me?" she purred, looking unbelievably sexy as she lay on her side.

He faced his wife."Not in the least," he sniffed, sounding offended.

"Well…I guess I'll just have to do _something_ to let you know how appreciated you are…"She rolled him flat on his back and began placing light, feathery kisses all over.Her lips gently brushed his face and neck, coming so close to his own lips…Her fingers skillfully traced over his body.

He grasped her waist and brought her close against him.He kissed her, gently at first, and more and more insistently."God, I love you," he whispered against the softness of her flesh.

She kissed him again, and collapsed in the safety of his arms."I'm so lucky to have you…"

He kissed her forehead and rolled them both on their side.He slipped one of her silky thighs over his hip and heard her sigh with contentment as he traced his fingers up the smoothness of her shapely thigh.It never ceased to amaze him how well she fit against him.Like they were made for each other.

Gently, Snape rolled his wife on her back.His lips were on her slender throat, and slipping further down.His thin lips closed over one dusky nipple, and he lavished attention on her full breasts until she moaned with delight.He felt her trembling fingers curl into his back, clutching him against her as she wrapped her long legs around him.

In a way, the sounds she made when he touched her were as wonderful as feeling her flesh beneath him.She loved him and trusted him enough to let go and to submit, rather than be the dominant one.That was a thing of beauty.

He gently slid his hands on her biceps, pulling her hands off of his back and putting them over her head.He felt her tremble against him, her blue eyes closed and her breathing ragged.Her fingers curled around the pillows above her head as his lips left a blazing trail down the lushness of her breasts and down the flatness of her belly.

"Love you," she exhaled, her voice ragged.

He looked up at her with onyx black eyes and gave her a crooked… almost smile.Her legs tightened around him as he slid inside her.He heard her soft sigh of pleasure…

The two lovers fell asleep entangled in each others' arms.

The Snapes awoke to the curtains being jerked open by a team of fairies.Antonia blinked a couple of times and stretched.It was time for her to get up, anyway.The fae just chose increasingly irritating ways to do so.

Severus buried his head under the blankets, moaning, "The light, the light, the terrible light."

Playfully, Antonia swatted him with a pillow."First day of classes, sleepyhead.Get up."

He groaned beneath the coverlet."God, I hate mornings."

She grinned impishly."Let's see what I can do to convince you that mornings," she purred, slipping a delicate hand under the covers.

He sighed contentedly when he felt her fingers trail lightly up his back.She started to crawl under the covers with him when he bolted into a sitting position with a yelp.

"What?" she asked, puzzled.She hadn't done anything to him…Her hands were actually warm, for once…

He showed her his left arm.The Dark Mark burned black."You know that I have to go," he said, stroking her face tenderly.

She bit her lip and tried to keep the tears out of her eyes."I know," she choked out.She watched him slip out of the bed and put on one of his black robes.

"I love you," he reminded her as he picked up his broomstick.

She rushed out of bed and threw herself into his arms."Just be careful.Do whatever you have to do, but don't let him kill you," she cried, her voice muffled against his robes.

He kissed the top of her head and stroked her blond locks."I won't do anything stupid.I have something to live for, this time."

She choked on a barely suppressed sob. 

"Antonia, it's time," he whispered, gently disentangling himself from her embrace.He threw some powder in the fireplace and watched the red flames turn green."I'll be back as soon as possible."

"I'll tell Dumbledore what's happened," she offered as he stepped into the fireplace.

He nodded, and announced, "Astronomy tower."And he was gone.

Antonia bit her lip and slipped on a black silk robe.She quickly tore it off and threw it down._He's not dead, Antonia.No mourning colors for you_, she thought, quickly pulling out a deep blue robe.Not only did it match her eyes, but it was in her old house colors._Much better.You will not dress like a widow before your time_, she reprimanded herself.

She shooed away the fae as they swarmed in, wanting to put up her flowing blond hair as she often let them."Not this morning.No time," she said, impatiently running a brush through her own hair.

One of the fae made a very rude gesture with her middle finger and buzzed off.

"Same to you," she grumbled as she headed into the 'loo to brush her teeth.

Five minutes after Severus's departure, she was rushing out of their bedchamber to the Great Hall.

"Good morning, Antonia," Dumbledore greeted as he spread jam on a slice of toast.He saw the glint in her eye and quickly set down the knife and toast."Yes, let's go to my office…"

Quickly, she ushered him up the stairs."Severus is gone.He's been called."

Dumbledore nodded grimly."We'll just have to cover for him until Voldemort allows him to return."

"I have the morning off.I can teach Gryffindor/Slytherin fifth years this morning, and then take the Hufflepuff/Ravenclawsafter that, but I have my own classes to teach in the afternoon…"

"I will take his afternoon classes," Dumbledore offered.

She nodded."Hopefully, he'll be back by then, and not too damaged…I'm sure the Dark Lord doesn't want him to create a fuss…I can't believe he'd call him now, on the first day of term…"

"I can," Dumbledore said quietly."He would want to have proof for himself where his loyalties lie.If they were with me, then Severus would not have gone."

"But… his loyalties _are_ with you, sir," she protested.

"I know.But Voldemort cannot."

She nodded and allowed Dumbledore to escort her back down to the Great Hall.She tried to eat a blueberry pancake.It tasted like saw dust.

She felt the curious eyes of the students upon her as she put down her fork and said quietly to the teacher, "I can't eat this.I'm just going to go ahead and prepare for my first lesson."

Dumbledore nodded understandingly.Even McGonagall looked sympathetic to the witch's plight.

Amid curious glances and whispers, Antonia regally swept out of the Great Hall, holding her head high.

** *

Students poured into the potions dungeon, all showing up on time.Antonia stood at the front of the class, watching the damp dungeon fill with students all clad in black.She saw them stare at her with complete amazement.And she would have sworn she heard whispers including the words "hot", "sexy", and "beautiful."If she wasn't mistaken, she'd also heard a student refer to her as "walking porn."She tried to look exceptionally stern.

She looked at the clock and began speaking at nine a.m. sharp."Good morning.I am Professor Snape, and I'll be filling in for Professor Snape for the morning."Against her will, she smiled at how ridiculous that sounded.

Students were looking at her as though she were mad.

"That was about as clear as mud, wasn't it?" she sighed."Allow me to further clarify.I am Professor Antonia Snape.I will be filling in for my husband Professor Severus Snape for the morning."

A student on the Gryffindor side raised her hand. 

"Yes, Miss…?" Antonia responded.

"Hermione Granger.Are you our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" the girl with the bushy brown hair inquired.

"Yes.Now, on that note, let us worry about the Dark Arts when it is time.At the moment, we are on Potions.Can you all please turn to the first page of Moste Potente Potions for Fifth Year Students?"

Half of the students were rustling through their bags for their books, the other half was watching a swarm of fairies carry a large tome over to the witch.The entire class was watching as the fae turned the book to the appropriate page.

"Fairies?" a boy with white blond hair on the Slytherin side sneered."Our Dark Arts teacher has fairies chasing after her?"

She affixed him with a withering glance that would have frightened Severus Snape himself."Yes, Mr. …"

"Malfoy," he responded haughtily, aghast that the woman didn't know his name."Draco Malfoy."

"How very nice for you, Mr. Malfoy.Yes, as you see, those are fairies.They have proved more useful to me than a thousand house elves.And I would remind you to keep a more respectful tone in your head when you address me.I assure you, I do have far greater influence over the head of your house than you do.And I will not hesitate to use it if you cannot mind your manners," she responded icily.

The Gryffindors all looked at each other, amazed._She_ married Snape?She was way too cool to have married _him_…

"Apparently, the first thing on the agenda for the day is Shrinking Potions.Neville, I've been warned that you are positively abysmal with potions.However, feel secure knowing that I am not going to scream at you, nor will I dock your house points if you botch it.I am here to help you, not to terrorize you."

The little round boy nodded, looking, for the first time ever, remarkably at ease in the dungeon.

"What we'll do," she began, "is take the belladonna…Make sure you wear your gloves for this…And we'll chop it up very fine.Mind you, don't shred it, but chop it as finely as you can.Your knives should be sharp enough for the blade to cleanly slice it if you just press down on it.Don't drag your knife across to slice.That will ruin it."

Without even glancing over in the Slytherin direction, she remarked, "And, Mr. Malfoy, if you would so kindly resist the urge to project your blade in the direction of the Gryffindors, particularly one Mr. Harry Potter, it would be greatly appreciated."

She looked at Neville reassuringly."That's right, Mr. Longbottom.Gently, not too much effort.Remember that the belladonna will not jump up and bite you."

The little witch glided around the classroom, seeming to float, so graceful was her stride."Careful, Mr. Thomas.We want to make a shrinking potion, not a shrinking poison.Not too much belladonna.It's incredibly toxic."

She glanced at the tall boy with red hair."Mr. Weasley, right?"

He nodded, glancing at her skeptically.

"Of course.You've got your father's red hair," she smiled.

Antonia spoke aloud to the class."Now we powder the orris root.Pull out your mortar and pestle from under your desks, please?"She waited until the shuffling had slowed, and said "Use only half an ounce of the orris, please.Measure carefully.This is, in fact, a very difficult potion.I rather would have…Well, that's neither here nor there.But do be careful.I would hate to have a student explode because he used too much orris…"

"Miss Parkinson!" Professor Snape snapped.

The pug-faced girl looked up at her with surprise.

"You weren't going to pour that excess orris into Mr. Longbottom's cauldron, were you?"

"No, ma'am," she responded sullenly.

"I would certainly hope not.Mind you, I am not the Professor Snape that you are accustomed to, but I dare say that he would find such a behavior from one of his own house to be entirely unacceptable," she replied sharply, her lips pressed together.

_Actually, no, ma'am, he'd probably take points from Gryffindor…_Harry thought.He liked this Professor Snape.She seemed to be… fair.And non-partisan, apparently.

"Mr. Finnegan!Do _not_ flick that eye of newt across the room!" she hissed."If I have to reprimand one more of you for this childish nonsense, I will not bother referring you to your potions master.I will deal with you myself.I do not play favorites, and I do not have patience for endless stupidity while working with hazardous chemicals!"

The class then behaved themselves and did some rather successful potions making. 

"Mr. Longbottom, may I see you after class, please?" Antonia asked pleasantly as the students packed up their possessions.

Neville's round face fell as Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at him with great sympathy.

"Yes, Professor Snape?" he stuttered as he walked up to her.

"Neville, relax.I'm not going to scold you, scream at you, take away points, or give you detention."

He relaxed… but just barely.

"You did a very good job on your potion, today.The consistency was adequate, and it worked properly.Did you do this on your own, or did you have help from another classmate?" she asked gently.

"Hermione helped some," he admitted.

She smiled, refreshed at not having to look up too much.The boy was only a little taller."I understand that you have difficulty with this class.Would you like assistance?"

He looked terrified that she would relay this conversation to her husband and said, "Thank you, Professor Snape.I-I have to go to transfiguration, now…"The pudgy little boy ran out of the dungeon.

She sighed and shook her head."Ah, Severus, you've got those children terrified of you."But, then, she reminded herself, she _did_ marry a complete and total ass.

Her second potions class passed without a hitch.First year children from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.There was a little girl named Carmen from Hufflepuff that would give Severus fits.She melted her cauldron and burned up part of the desk by adding the eye of newt _before_ the dragon's blood, rather than after.

"Honestly, Carmen!Can you _please_ listen to my instructions, rather than trying to rush ahead?I have no desire to send you back home to your mother in pieces because you steadfastly _refuse_ to listen to my instructions!"

"Sorry, Professor Snape," she quivered.

_Ye Gods, Severus, if this is how my boys behaved in your class, then I'm going to have to give you a medal when you get home.I'd be tempted to kill them, myself!_

"Remember, students, that I am not your regular potions master.I will see the Hufflepuffs tomorrow, and the Ravenclaws on Wednesday.

She left the potions dungeon after all of her student and trudged up to the Great Hall for luncheon, worried about her love._Severus, please be okay.I don't think I can do this without you._

She was about to round a corner when she heard a group of boys talking.

"You mean that blond witch at the table is _Snape's wife?_" a voice whispered, amazed.

She heard the familiar voice of Ron Weasley."Yeah, I know!How the Hell did a slimy git like Snape manage to marry a dish like her?"

"Ugh!I've been fantasizing about Snape's wife!That's disgusting!"

"He must have used a love potion.There's no other way that someone that beautiful could trouble herself with a vicious git like that," another voice decided.

Antonia was shaking with rage._How dare they?_She walked around the corner, and saw six very uncomfortable looking boys.

"You six, my office._Now_," she hissed, her voice deadly, her blue eyes colder than the Hogwarts lake.

They looked very nervous as they followed her through various halls and corridors."Sit," she snarled, pointing to a couch.The door magically slammed shut behind them.

They all jumped and sat where she indicated.

"I want your names.Mr. Weasley, Mr. Thomas, and Mr. Finnegan, I am already familiar with the three of you."

Ron Weasley's ears were turning pink, while Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Fred Weasley," one of the twin boys stated.

"George Weasley," said the other.

"Lee Jordan," said the last boy.

"Let me tell you something," she snarled, perfectly enraged."I am married to Severus Snape by my own choice, not because of something that your illustrious potions master brewed up.If I ever hear you or one of your little friends imply something so vile, disgusting, and deceitful again about my husband, you will find out exactly how much alike Severus Snape and I are in temperament.In fact, you may even discover that I'm worse."

All six boys gulped before her.

"What's more, if you had any inkling as to what sacrifices that man has made for the wizarding community, you would be singing his praises, rather than participating in undeserved defamation of his character."

"Don't cross me.Any of you.I don't care that you are all mighty Gryffindors.I don't care that you, Mr. Weasley, are Harry Potter's best friend."She glared at all three Weasleys."I don't care that you, Fred and George, are Quidditch beaters.Nor do I care that your brothers are legendary._That will have no bearing on the behavior that I expect of you_.Mr. Thomas, Mr. Finnegan, you will be in my class this afternoon…It's never very fun to have a class when a teacher is waiting to pick apart everything you do, is it?And, Mr. Jordan, do you wish to continue to be announcer for Quidditch games in your seventh year?"

All of them looked horrified.

"I will not tolerate rude comments and innuendoes about my marriage.Not from any of you.Now get out of my sight."

The boys practically ran out of her office.


	9. Descent to the Maelstrom: In Lover's Eye...

A/NAll characters are JK's, blah, blah, blah.Shakespeare's sonnet 55 isn't mine, either, but, since he's been dead for over 300 years, I don't think I need to worry about _him_ suing me.

Thanks to Tempesta for being my muse, and thanks to Amanita Lestrange, Tessie, and Hermione for being consistent reviewers.

Byrdgirl: this is far from the end.There's lots more to come as the Death Eaters rise to power once more.

To everyone else: review?Please?Even if it's just to say that you think the story sucks and Antonia should be shot… or cursed.Whatever.I see the hit meter climbing, so obviously, people are clicking on the link… are you clicking and running, or really reading?If you're really reading, let me know what you think!

Thanks again,

Tanasia Maleficarum

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It was dinner time.The students and teachers were all safely tucked away within the confines of the Great Hall.Antonia glanced at the empty space beside her and said nothing.

"Antonia, why don't you try some of the kidney pie?" Dumbledore said mildly.

She shuffled her food on her plate."I'm really not hungry, sir," she replied morosely.

The other teachers looked at her sympathetically."Antonia, really, not eating won't bring him back any quicker," Minerva reminded her.

"I said I'm not hungry," she snapped.This time, a hint of impatience tinged her voice.

"Antonia," Dumbledore reminded.His voice held a hint of reproach.

She sighed."I'm sorry, Minerva.I just can't eat when I don't know what's happened to him.Suppose they've gone on a raid?Suppose the Dark Lord just got bored and decided to kill Severus for fun?He's out there, and here I sit, like a spoiled princess, letting my brave knight fight my battles for me."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Antonia!Must you be so dramatic?Severus would be out there, regardless of you being here," Minerva cried, irritated with the blond bombshell's worry.

Her eyes narrowed and her voice was quiet and cold."You're right.He'd be there whether I existed or not.The difference is, now he has something to live for, and thinking of that at the wrong time could get him killed.Pardon me for worrying about my spouse, Minerva.Of course, perhaps you've never had anyone in your life that you would willingly die for… or that would willingly die for you.So, I should excuse you for not understanding."She threw her napkin down on the table."Now, if you'll excuse me from dinner, I have things to do."

Dumbledore nodded, and watched the pale witch rise and glide out of the Great Room."Minerva, was that really necessary?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

She gave Dumbledore a look of annoyance."Yes.She's been pacing around like a wraith since Severus went away this morning.I'm quite tired of it."

"Some of us deal with unexpected departures of loved ones differently than others, Minerva," he reminded.

She cast an unpleasant glare at Antonia's retreating form and went back to eating her dinner.

Antonia had returned to their bedchamber in the dungeons."Severus, where are you?" she cried.She was here, in their bedchamber.Dominating the bedroom was their big, beautiful, comfortable bed, where they'd made love so many times.That was the bed where they'd had the most restful sleep and the most hateful of arguments.That bed was, in a word, their sanctuary from the rest of the world.

But there was no Severus with her to share it.

She looked at the small basement-style window and saw the blackness of night.Yet he still had not returned.

She pulled off her robe."_Accio_ dressing gown," she listlessly commanded.

For the first time in months, she slipped on her dressing gown.For the first time in months she put it on without her husband's eager hands removing it.The witch slumped down in a chair and summoned a bottle of bourbon and a shot glass (a souvenir from her days with a muggle lover) as the fae brought over a tattered copy of Shakespeare's sonnets.

She turned to Shakespeare's sonnet 55, it's pages tattered and yellowed with age.It was always the one that was the most special.It was the one that made her think of Severus.

_Not marble, nor the gilded monuments  
Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme;  
But you shall shine more bright in these contents  
Than unswept stone besmear'd with **sluttish time**.  
When wasteful war shall statues overturn,  
And broils root out the work of masonry,  
Nor Mars his sword nor war's quick fire shall burn  
The living record of your memory.  
'Gainst death and all-oblivious enmity  
Shall you pace forth; your praise shall still find room  
Even in the eyes of all posterity  
That wear this world out to the ending doom.  
So, till the judgment that yourself arise,  
You live in this, and dwell in lover's eyes._

_ _

It was how she felt about Severus.Nothing could ever besmirch his honor, nor should time ever diminish the deeds that he had done.Time would never wear away at the love that they shared.

She poured herself another shot of bourbon and shooed away a disapproving fairy.She lifted the glass and said softly, "Here's to you, Severus.May you come home soon… and in one piece."She downed the shot in one gulp and set the glass down with a _thud_.

He left her that morning at seven o'clock.And now, here it was, approaching the witching hour, and there was still no sign of him.She never realized, until now, how much she associated Hogwarts with Severus.

She remembered, even as a student, how much his presence had meant to her.She thought back to her school days…A good day was not determined by how many points she had won for her house, nor was it determined by the marks she made on her assignments.A good day was determined by Severus's acknowledgment.A bad day was determined by the lengths that he went to avoid her.

And now?Now, it was Severus who kept her here.She cared not for the classes that she taught.Of course, she was surprised at how much she'd enjoyed instructing the students.But it wasn't for them, nor was it for herself, that she was here.No, she'd come to be with her husband.Having her children so close at hand was, of course, a very wonderful bonus, but she'd always known that they would be leaving for Hogwarts when they were of age.

But thinking of him and crying for him wouldn't bring him back any quicker.But there was no way that she'd be able to sleep in that bed without him.So, she did the only thing that she could think of: she poured herself another shot of bourbon.Perhaps his absence wouldn't hurt so much after she was drunk.

Four shots later, she could no longer stand.She'd given up on successfully pouring the drink into that tiny shot glass, which she swore was dancing across the table when she tried to fill it.Her head was starting to ache, and if those fucking fairies bumped _one more thing_, it was going to be the last thing the little shits ever bumped again.

"Fuck the glass," she grumbled.With shaking fingers, she drank straight from the bottle.

She still missed him.Every thing seemed to scream for his absence.Fortunately, she'd had enough bourbon to at least take the edge off…

As the clock approached one, she saw the flickering orange flames of the fireplace turn green.She smiled and cried out, "Severus!"She then winced, as it made her head ache.

He stepped out of the fireplace and brushed soot off of himself.He looked perfectly exhausted, but no worse for wear."Antonia…You waited up," he half-smiled.

She launched herself out of the chair, wanting no more than to throw herself in his arms.However, she'd forgotten that she became too drunk to stand about three shots ago…

She made it about two steps across the cold floor before she saw the stones rush up to meet her.

He sniggered at the sight.His wife, his fair bride, was sprawled across the smooth stones in a heap."Antonia, what have you done to yourself?" he asked softly, picking her up off the floor.

"My good friend Ezra Brooks from the States kept me company while you were gone," she slurred, a hand wildly flinging in the direction of the half-empty bottle of bourbon on the table.

He studied her as she dangled limply from his arms."I have never, in all of my years, seen anyone so lovely look so pitifully ridiculous."

"I'd drink to your health, but the bottle seems to be moving," she mumbled.

He suppressed a laugh and gently brushed his lips against her forehead."I predict that you will wake up in the morning with a horrendous hangover."

"I'll drink to that," she replied.She passed out in his arms.

He sighed and shook his head.Why had she done this to herself?It wasn't like getting three sheets to the wind would bring him home any faster…Gently, he slipped his bride between the sheets and tucked her in.He kissed her forehead lovingly, and found himself wondering if she'd survive the Severus Challenge… assuming he ever had time to finish the damned drink."I love you," he whispered."And I'll be back soon… not that I expect you to regain consciousness while I'm gone or anything…"

Silently, he slipped out of the bedchamber.

He quietly crept through the halls of Hogwarts and headed for Dumbledore's bedchamber.He softly rapped on the door."Sir?"

He just hoped that McGonagall wasn't in there.He was always afraid that, on night, he would go to Dumbledore's suite and a sleepy, yet obviously annoyed, Minerva would answer the door.While he'd suspected for years that something was going on between the two of them, he _really_ didn't want to know for sure.

The door slowly creaked open.Much to his relief, it was Professor Dumbledore that stood on the other side.

"Come inside," Dumbledore quietly instructed.  
"Sir?I have news for you about the Death Eater's first raid," he said quietly.

Dumbledore nodded grimly."There's one Auror that I trust with the Ministry not to get you killed.I'll tip him off."

Severus nodded."There's a family in Devonshire.Wife's a witch, husband's a muggle, and they've got six half-blood children.The Dark Lord wants to eliminate them as an example to those who would 'sully the wizard lineage with filthy muggle blood.'They also helped lead to the capture of the Lestranges."

Dumbledore nodded grimly."I'll get the message out in the morning.When is this due to happen?"

"He didn't tell us.But he said that he wanted to make sure that those bastards knew what they were going to die for…"

"The Lestranges were captured on the night of a full moon, if I recall correctly.Voldemort will want them to be tortured under the light, so that they'll die remembering the Lestranges being dragged away by Aurors…" he thought out loud.

The headmaster turned his attention back to Severus."Was Antonia finally sleeping when you got back?"

Severus sniggered."Far from it.Actually, she was completely drunk off of some Kentucky bourbon.She is presently passed out and safely tucked away in bed."

"She was miserable today."

"She tried to stay up until I came back."

"Did she manage?"

"Barely.She passed out when I got back.I predict that your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be feeling a bit under the weather in the morning."

***

Antonia woke up to the fairies flitting softly across her face."Gods, can't you guys please just leave me the fuck alone?" she groaned.She felt like she'd just spent nine hours under the Cruciatus curse.The thin beam of light that came through the small windows made her eyes ache.Her head was throbbing.Even her hair hurt.

"Good morning, sunshine," Severus greeted.His voice dripped with sarcasm.

She clutched her head, willing his words to stop echoing about.

"Drank a little too much last night, eh?" he said.

She looked a bit green as she nodded.

"Are you thinking maybe you should have stopped _before_ the shot glass started dancing?"

She whimpered.His words just kept rattling around in her head.

"Do you _really_ think it was a good decision to get smashed beyond all meaning when you have to teach the next morning?"

She closed her eyes to shut out the offending light, and tried to shake her head.The movement made her hair hurt more, however.

"And you aren't going to do this again, are you?No matter how long it takes for me to come back from the Dark Lord?"

"Not on a school night," she croaked.

He sniggered."Not exactly the answer that I was hoping for, but it will do."He sat down beside her on the bed and helped her into a sitting position."Drink this," he ordered, handing her a smoking goblet.

She hoped it was hemlock.It couldn't possibly be worse than the way she was feeling now.

She downed the bitter brew, gulping it noisily.Had it been anyone but Severus, she would have demanded to know what it was before even considering it, and probably still turned it down.But this was Severus.He was her life.

And she knew that she was his.

She handed him back the still-smoking goblet and slumped forward, gasping.But her head didn't ache so much…

"Come on, Sunshine," he ordered, pulling her out of bed."Into the shower you go."

He didn't bother stripping off her dressing gown before he scooped her up.Nor did he bother before he shoved her in the shower.

She gasped with shock when the icy water hit her."You greasy bastard," she shrieked.

He crossed his arms and looked at her with a faint sneer."True enough, but you, however are getting cured from the hangover from Hell, so I'll forgive your bitchiness."

She _did _feel a bit better…

She twisted and squirmed her way out of the clingy, wet dressing gown and tossed it at him.The heavy wetness of the material slapped him with a _pop!_ and she hurriedly adjusted the water to a decent temperature.

"Thank you," he replied sarcastically, peeling the wet fabric off of his face.

"Glad to be of service, my love," she replied sweetly.She really was feeling better.The sensitivity to light had passed, her hair no longer ached, and her head had stopped pounding.

He sneered.

She smiled adoringly."Come here," she whispered.

He obliged, albeit cautiously.

Her arm snaked out of the shower and she yanked him in with her.

"Antonia!" he sputtered.

"Paybacks are a bitch, aren't they, darling?" she replied pleasantly.

"What the Hell are you doing, woman!" he roared as she dumped some shampoo on his head.

"It's your turn, darling," she responded, maintaining that sticky sweet voice.

He positively snarled at her as she began stripping off his robe.

"Shut up, Severus.Just settle back and enjoy…"

The glare he gave her made it clear that he most certainly would _not_ enjoy a second of this.

She smiled impishly and purred, "I promise, I'll make sure you enjoy it…"

Triumphantly, she tossed his robe on the floor outside the shower and began lathering him up, her hands sensually tracing the pink bath puff up and down his tall, lean form."Are you enjoying it, Severus?" she whispered, her blue eyes bright.

He groaned."Very much so, my lady," he replied, his voice raw.

"We do aim to please, you know…"She guided him back under the falling water and rinsed her peach scented soap off of him.She reached up to his shoulders and pulled him down on his knees.He rested his head against the flatness of her belly and wrapped his arms around her.

She was soft and smooth, her skin slick with clinging droplets of water.He felt her fingers running through his hair, lathering up the shampoo.He didn't bother to point out that he'd just washed his hair on Saturday.

"Severus, darling, you know that I love you, right?"

"Mmmhmm…"He was wary.The last time she'd said that to him, she had just gotten the Defense Against the Dark Arts position.

"We're going to have to change your shampoos.And you'll have to use it more often."

He didn't bother to argue.He'd never realized that something so simple as running fingers through his hair could feel so wonderful.

He slowly dragged one heavy fingertip down her back, down her firm backside, and down the back of her thigh.He heard her sigh and felt her fingers slow in his hair as he lightly skimmed his fingers up the inside of her thigh.

She sighed softly and snuggled him closer."I love you, Severus.I don't think you know how hard it was for you to be away."

His lips gently grazed just below her bellybutton."I hated it, Antonia.I hate standing there with those people, pretending to be one of them."

Her fingers tightened in his hair as he gently draped one of her legs over his shoulder.He brushed his lips against the inside of her thigh, his lips moving higher and higher.

She was leaning against the shower wall, gripping the back of his hair almost desperately."Severus," she whimpered when his lips made it to their goal.

He felt a marked twinge of satisfaction as she was limp against him.She was his, and his alone.

***

# The Great Hall

# Breakfast

"Where the Hell is Antonia?" Minerva asked, annoyed by (what she considered) the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's snubs.Who the Hell was she to think that she was too good to at least have _breakfast_ with the other teachers?

"Severus came home last night," Dumbledore said mildly."I expect they've some, er, catching up to do…"

The other professors looked mildly nauseated at the thought of that beautiful witch having sex with _Snape_, of all people…

"I've lost my appetite," Professor Vector, the arithromancy professor, said, pushing back his plate.

When they did finally stumble down to the Great Hall, both of them still had very wet hair.Antonia's eyes were slightly glazed.

"Late night last night?" Dumbledore asked, looking at the two professors with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Ugh.I woke up with a hangover," Antonia admitted."Severus was kind enough to take care of that for me."

Minerva looked like she was going to throw up, and several of the other professors looked away.

"He made a _potion_, for Gods' sake!Would you people _please _get your minds out of the gutter!"

"And hopefully, my wife has learned not to drink in my absence."

A tender look was passed between the two.For the first time, some of the professors realized the obvious._He really does love her… and she truly loves him._


	10. Descent to the Maelstrom: A Simple Kind ...

A/N: What's JK's is hers, what's mine is mine.Thanks so much for reviewing me!You like me, you like me, you really like me!Jhappy naked Pagan dance

Amanita: What will happen to Antonia will happen to her.She knows how things are, and, to her, it's all worth it.She finally got the love of her life.What more could she ask for?Oh, and the Severus Challenge is in the first chapter.

w&m law:She's a lush, but she's a cute lush, right?

Hermione: thanks so much for the consistent feedback.

Candace & Phyllia: thanks.

Lindsay Beth: I'm churning out as much as I can, without rushing it and turning it into a plothole landmine field.

Tempesta: I love you!Thanks for being my muse and beta reader.

Now, on to the story.J

**********************************************************************

"Are you going to actually go to the Great Hall for luncheon, today?" Minerva asked, making a rare effort to be friendly to the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.

She smiled and shook her head as they walked down the halls to their classrooms."Probably not.I think Severus arranged to have a lunch delivered to our room.We don't get to spend as much time together since the classes have started.We both have a free period before lunch, so we'll grade papers together." 

Minerva shook her head. Antonia's delight at the prospect of an afternoon alone with Severus _grading papers, _of all things, was the type of delight that most would show at getting to go to St. Kitts for holiday."As much as you and Severus look forward to your time alone, don't you think that you should make an effort to get to know the other professors on a more professional level?After all, I'm still learning to relate to you as a colleague, rather than as a student."

"We'll show up for dinner," she promised.

Minerva was skeptical, but nodded in acceptance."I'll see you later," she parted, turning down a separate hall.

Antonia smiled her farewell and began her journey to her classroom.

Her classes passed by without event.She had no outstanding students, much to her dismay.She didn't expect to get any Aurors or Anti-Death Eaters out of _those_ two classes, anyway.Of course, she didn't think any of them were talented enough to be Death Eaters, either, so she supposed that the world would be safe for a few more years.Of course, the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad would be kept busy for quite some time because of these kids…

Her free period didn't come soon enough.She'd just suffered through two class periods with Hufflepuff kids.They really _weren't _the brightest crayons in the box, but at least they were willing to work hard.

She was relieved when her free period came up.She was happy to run off to her room, even if it was for nothing more than to be alone with Severus.

She opened the door and found Severus pacing, looking as though he was searching for the right words.So deep in thought, he failed to notice when she walked in the room."Severus?"

He jumped, clearly startled by his bride's appearance."Antonia… I didn't hear you come in."

She flopped down on the bed."That's obvious, darling.What's on your mind?"

He hesitated, and then sat down beside her in their bed."I had something made for you since I didn't really have an engagement ring for you."

She smiled."Really?Severus, that really wasn't necessary.I have you.That's all that I really wanted out of the deal."

He glared at her."I _know_ it wasn't necessary," he replied testily."I wanted to do something nice for you, if that's okay."

She smiled."As long as you know that I love you, and that love isn't contingent upon what you buy."

His gaze grew more loving."Always.I just…I think you deserve this."He pulled a velvet box out of his robe and opened it.

A tiny band of platinum with a black onyx, smooth and flat in the ring with a small diamond in the middle winked up at her."Severus, it's beautiful!"She tossed her arms around him and gave him a loving embrace.

"I love you, Antonia Snape."He kissed her, his lips brushing her forehead."Antonia Snape.I never get tired of hearing that, you know."

She curled up against him, positively enamored with the feeling of his arms wrapped around her and holding her close.

"We still haven't put this ring on," he reminded her.

She took it out of the box and slipped it on.It fit her perfectly."It's beautiful," she whispered, amazed to see the onyx of his eyes replicated in her ring.

"Not as beautiful as you."

She smiled.His constant references to her looks were not her favorite thing, but she was learning to get used to it.

"Are you looking forward to the afternoon classes, darling?"

She frowned."I have fifth year Slytherins for my last class.For some reason, they were unable to behave themselves properly when I ran your double potions class with the Gryffindors."

"That's because the Gryffindors are horrible."That old sneer was back across his face.It nearly always appeared whenever a Gryffindor was mentioned.

"No, darling, it's because your children behaved like little monsters."

Severus stiffened with indignation."Mine?They have never been anything but perfect during my classes," he protested.

"Could it be that you are allowing yourself to overlook their poor behavior, simply because you dislike Harry Potter and the other Gryffindors so much because of James?"

"I think not."

She sighed."You're right.You don't think.At least, not where that little beast Draco is concerned.He was disgustingly arrogant and rude."

Snape shook his head."In his case, the apple didn't fall far from the tree.He's just like his father."A look of loathing etched across his face.The thought of Lucius Malfoy left a bad taste in Severus's mouth.

"I caught him with a picture of me.He was trying to bewitch it to take its clothes off."

That got Severus's attention."He did _what_?"

"You heard what I said.He'd gotten one of the pictures of me out of the Hogwarts teachers directory, and was trying to bewitch her into taking her clothes off."

"He didn't _succeed_, did he?" Severus inquired, his voice a nasty whisper.

"No."

He relaxed."Just youthful pranks.I'll explain to him that it is inappropriate to mentally undress my wife."

"If it had been a Gryffindor, you would have been down in Dumbledore's office, screaming for expulsion.I firmly believe that the little rat is perfectly aware of the inappropriate nature of his actions."

"Your point is?"

"Explain to Draco that I will _not_ tolerate that sort of behavior.I simply came to you about the offending behavior because you are the head of his house.Not because you are my husband and I wanted you to fight my battles for me."

"He's not a bad child.He's just…"

"He's not really a child anymore.He's getting ready for his OWL's, this year.He's at the point when he should have a rough idea of what he wants to do with his life.Of course, knowing that little brat, he's going to follow in his daddy's footsteps, and become a loyal servant of the Dark Lord…"She took one look at her husband and stopped."I'm sorry, darling…"

Severus looked at his wife, stunned. "And you aren't willing to do a thing to stop this from happening to him, either, are you.How can you teach a child to defend himself against the Dark Arts, if you can't even teach him how to avoid practicing them?"

"If the desire to become a Death Eater, just like Daddy, is already there, how am I to stop it?"

"Become his friend, rather than his rival.Do _something_ to convince him that he would be accepted to fight against the Dark Lord.All that you are doing right now is convincing him that there is nothing more that he can do, aside from become one of the Dark Lord's servants.You're telling him that he has no chance, simply because his name is Malfoy.How is that any different than my treatment of Potter?"

He looked at her with disappointment, the fire still burning in his black eyes.It was a fire of conviction."Why do you think so many of us Slytherins end up as practitioners of Dark Magic?It's because we are ambitious, and that is a good thing.But so few people are willing to give us any credit for that ambition _because_ we are Slytherins!And that leaves us with Dark Magic as the only outlet for our goals.You can stop Malfoy from going down that path."

_"It's different because Potter doesn't try to get my portrait to do strip teases!And don't you try to guilt trip me because the masses see the Slytherins for the reptilian monsters that they are,"_ she hissed.

"But Potter has all ready managed to offend you, though, hasn't he?What did he say when he found out that you, the beauty, married a greasy, slimy _Slytherin reptilian monster_ like me?It wasn't complimentary, was it?"His voice was deadly cold.

"At least he had the grace to look ashamed of what they were discussing!"

"And you haven't even given Draco that chance, yet!How the Hell is he supposed to make good for his offensive behavior if you don't even give him a chance?"

"What am I supposed to do?Give him a chance to corner me in the hall and grope me?"

"Antonia, you're being ridiculous.You are a fully trained witch.You were nearly an Auror.You aren't frightened of a student.If you are, then you have no business being in this castle in your present position."

She bristled."I most certainly am _not_ afraid of a child.I have used the Killing Curse before to protect myself from grown wizards.I will not allow a mere boy to intimidate me."

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

"No!I'm trying not to blow your fucking chances at winning the House Cup, this year!"

"How so?"

"Because if that little puke pulls the stunts and gives me the attitude that he's been giving me, I'm just as likely to take fifty points off as I am to look at him!"

"You aren't being fair," Severus accused."You should see his father.It's not like Draco grew up with a loving mother like you.His mother is a cold, fake bitch whose entire life seems to revolve around being a trophy wife.Not like you."

"When is life fair?Is it fair when you leave me to go serve beside the Dark Lord?Is it fair when we find that a family has been slaughtered because they don't hate Muggles?You tell me, Severus.Where's the fairness?"

"There is none," he replied bitterly."And there never has been.I just hate to see a boy punished by life because of who his father is.Lucius Malfoy is a cold bastard.And he'll give Draco over to the Master as soon as he gets a chance.The Master is already asking about him.And, while Draco may be the image of Lucius, Lucius holds no more regard for that boy than he would for a puppy."

Her thoughts went back to another time…

It was Paris.She was in a wizard bar, tossing back the bourbon shots.She was "celebrating" the one year anniversary of David's death at a bar in France, where she was visiting for a Ministry clinic.

_There was a man across the bar.He was beautiful, in an icy cold kind of way.Pale silver hair the color of moonlight, worn back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck, and a beautifully formed body.And he was giving her the eye._

_Antonia smiled and raised her glass up to the stranger in silent toast._

_He came over to her and sat down in the next stool at the bar."What are you drinking?"His voice was low and deep, like melted butter.It was the kind of voice that constantly evoked images of a sensual nature.It was also a voice that contained an air of disdain for all around him.As if everything in the area was beneath him._

_She smiled in greeting at the handsome stranger."Bourbon, straight up, no chaser."_

_He picked up her glass and sniffed the whisky.He winced and put it back down."How much have you had to drink?"_

_"Five shots, I guess.I refuse to count."_

_He gave her a look that could only be described as raw lust."Bartender," he began."Can you bring the lady over a bottle of your finest chardonnay?"_

_The bartender nodded in ascent and disappeared behind the corner._

_"What was that for?"_

_"Because.If I'm going to shag a beautiful drunken blond, I'd rather it be a beautiful drunken blond on a champagne drunk, rather than a bourbon drunk."_

_"What makes you so certain that you can have me?" she replied, irritated by his smug tone._

_"The fact that you're still here talking to me, and you haven't slapped me or tossed your drink in my face," he replied blandly._

_She reached up to slap him, just itching to wipe that arrogant smirk off of his face.He caught her hand in mid-air."Darling, you lose points ifyou attempt to strike me only after I put the idea in your head."_

_"You're an ass," she replied._

_He smiled with his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes.No, they maintained that same cold look that they had when he was watching her from across the room."But you have some appreciation for that, don't you?"_

_She gave him a crooked smile."You'd certainly like to take me out of here and get me somewhere more comfortable, wouldn't you?"_

_He nodded."Are you game?"_

_She looked the stranger over._What the Hell?I'm in another country.What are the odds of me ever seeing this guy again?_ she thought."Why not?Let's go."As he slipped her cloak on her shoulders, she glanced at the stranger."What's your name, anyway?"_

_"Lucius…"_

_ _

She felt sick.Her one night stand was the father of one of her students?And a colleague of her husband's?This couldn't be happening.But how many cold, blond British wizards could be named Lucius?

"Antonia?Are you okay?"

She smiled weakly at her husband."Yeah, I'm fine.I was just remembering things…"

He looked at her quizzically.

"You're right… I should try to be more understanding of Draco.If I had a father like that…"

He drew her close and kissed her."I'm glad you see it my way." 

She smiled shakily."Sometimes, different events coming to light can change one's views."

"Thank you."

She sprawled out in the bed and smiled seductively."Here we are, in this great big, comfortable bed.Why are we talking?" she purred.

He slid a hand up her thigh and moved over her."Good question…"

***

"I promised Minerva that we would show up for dinner in the Great Hall tonight," Antonia said as she slipped her clothes back on.

"Damn.Why did you have to go and do that?"

"Because she guilt tripped me.I'd be much happier to come back to our room and make love until sunrise, but that will have to wait until after dinner."

He smiled."I love you, you know."

She leaned over and kissed him, a quick little peck on his hooked nose."Love you, too."

The newlyweds rushed out of their bedchamber and off to their respective classes.

Slytherins actually listened with rapt attention throughout her lesson.Draco Malfoy refrained from making any rude comments, although he did stare at her backside every chance he got.She would have sworn at one point, he was trying to look down her robe when she was bent over helping Crabbe with a wand movement.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'd like a word with you after class," she whispered as she paused by his desk.She did not want to make an already unpleasant situation more so by calling attention to him.

He grinned and nodded.

At the end of class, Antonia sat down on one of the desktops and simply looked at Draco."Is there something that you would like to say to me?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"I'm not impressed with the behavior that you've displayed.Your attitude has been abominable."

He glared at her."I've been pretty damned nice to you, lady."

"Excuse me?I will not be spoken to in such a manner by a student.You may address me as Professor Snape.Not lady, and you will keep the profanity out of your language when you speak to me."

"Whatever."

She resisted the urge to shake him."You know, I am _trying_ to give you a break.I know that you tried to bewitch a photo of me to take my clothing off.You will _never_ get to see a glimpse of me in less than proper attire, do you understand me?Such behavior is entirely inappropriate, and will not be tolerated."

"What are you going to do?"  
"Detention, points off your house, push for expulsion?How far I go is actually up to you, Mr. Malfoy.It all depends on to what lengths you're willing to go to anger me."Her voice was icy.She really didn't like this insolent little worm that sat before her.

"Try it.I dare you," he hissed."I don't think you want to mess with my father…"

She felt a quiver of fear, but quashed it.What were the odds that Lucius would remember the drunken blond he took back to his hotel room in Paris over ten years ago?Hell, _she_ barely remembered… assuming that it was the same guy, anyway.

"I don't think you want to mess with _me_, Mr. Malfoy.Let me remind you that you _need_ my class to go on to your fifth year, and a good portion of what I teach is on the OWL's.Now get out of my sight."

Draco Malfoy skulked out of her classroom.She slammed the door with a swish of her wand and started cursing a streak of words that would have made the British Royal Navy blush with shame.

"Of course, Severus.I listen to you, and the little bastard _still_ threatens to sic his father on me.And now everything could get fucked up.Damn it."She said all of this as she paced in front of her desk.

"Bloody Hell," she grumbled aloud.She realized that there was no way that she could get herself out of this one.She would just, quite simply, have to wait and see what happened.

And one thing that Antonia hated was waiting; especially if she was waiting at the mercy of someone else.

She managed to shake off her apprehension by the time she made it to their bedchamber.Severus was already there.

"How did it go with Draco?" Severus inquired.

She looked at her watch and smiled."You know, we have a couple of hours before dinner…"

He chuckled."And what, exactly, does Mrs. Snape have in mind?"

Antonia wrapped her arms around her husband and purred seductively, "Maybe we should just see what comes up…"

"You're absolutely terrible, you know," his voice rumbled as he scooped her up in his arms.

"That's not what you said last night…"

The only sounds that could be heard from the Snapes' room for the next hour and forty-five minutes was gasps, cries of pleasure, and an occasional creak of the mattress.It turns out that they had both forgotten to put on a silencing charm.

Down in the Great Hall, the students were spilling in and filling the tables for their dinner.The professors were all at their table, with the exception of Severus and Antonia.

"Should have known that they'd skip this one, too," Minerva grumbled.

"Minerva, they _are_ newlyweds," Dumbledore reminded.

"They are also teachers," she shot back.

"Well, you no longer need to upset yourself over the absence of Professors Snape," Dumbledore said mildly.

Severus and Antonia quickly slipped into their seats.Her hair was slightly mussed and a rosy glow not normally present lit up her face.Severus looked like he was ready to collapse from exhaustion.

"Did you two have a nice afternoon?" Hagrid asked.

Antonia looked at her husband with a Mona Lisa smile on her face."Oh, yes…It was absolutely delightful."

Severus reddened slightly."Hagrid, would you please refrain from asking my wife those kinds of open-ended questions?"

The other teachers sniggered slightly.

"But, Severus, you're the only professor here with a, uh, life, now that Antonia's here," Professor Vector joked.

"Aleister, you really mustn't tease Severus so," Antonia defended lightly, putting an affectionate hand on her husband's arm.

"Try some of the lamb," Severus encouraged, dishing up a spoonful of the tender meat and popping it in Antonia's mouth before she could further orchestrate his embarrassment.

"Children, please," Minerva mock-scolded, amusement etched into her face.

Antonia took pity on her husband as she chewed and swallowed the excessively large piece of meat.However, it was such a large piece of meat that she was chewing for five minutes before she could speak…

Which gave the other professors another five minutes to chew on her husband.

The Gryffindor table noticed the merriment at the professors' table.

"Look at that," Ron pointed out.

"Whoa…Look at Snape.He looks almost… happy," Hermione commented, astonishment plainly in her voice.

"I still don't understand what Professor Snape the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher sees in Professor Snape the slimy git," Harry remarked.

"Who cares?She's pretty cool, at least," Ron replied, shoveling up some of the lamb.

Hermione glared at Ron."Has it occurred to you that there might be more to the new Professor Snape than we think?Suppose she's really a spy for You-Know-Who, and that's why she's with Snape?"

"Suppose you're paranoid?Look at her.That's real," Ron responded.

"This blond witch just suddenly _marries_ Snape, and we're not supposed to think anything of it?"

"She's for real, Hermione.She used to work for the Ministry.My dad knows her.She was on the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad.Dad likes her," Ron insisted.

"There's something that isn't right about her." Hermione was being stubborn about this one, and she wouldn't be satisfied until she figured out what.

"We'll see you guys in the morning," Antonia said to the other professors as they all began to leave the Great Hall.

Sprout pretended to look shocked. "You mean you're actually going to show up for breakfast?"

Antonia smiled impishly at the herbology professor."Well…we'll show up.But we'll probably be late.Maybe we should go upstairs and consult Professor Trelawney?"

Minerva choked on the last of her drink at that comment."Antonia, would you _please_ not say things like that when I'm drinking?"

She giggled."Sorry…"The Defense instructor turned her gaze back to her husband."Are you ready to go to bed?I'm really quite exhausted…"

They continued walking out of the Great Hall together."I have to go to my office and check on a few things, first.I'll meet you in our bedchamber?" Snape suggested.

She nodded."I'll be waiting…"

He smiled as he watched his wife depart.He could stand back and watch her shapely hips swaying as she walked for hours.He forced his eyes to shift their attention elsewhere and he headed in the opposite direction.

He noticed Draco heading out to the owlery, but thought nothing of it.

Severus finally made it back down to their room twenty minutes later.

"What took you so long?" she asked.She was stretched out before the fireplace on a soft tapestry rug.

He noticed that she was wearing the ring that he had given her that afternoon… and nothing else."I got caught by Peeves on the way back."Severus sat down on the floor beside his wife and ran his hand up and down the bare skin of her back.She sighed contentedly and closed her eyes.

He just couldn't get enough of touching her.And he was certain that he never would.


	11. Descent to the Maelstrom: Everybody Else...

A/N: Antonia's mine, that's it.Thanks to all that reviewed.With the ff.net hit counter being disabled, that was the only way that I knew for sure if someone had read my stuff.So, please, help my fragile ego and review!Even if you think it sux, say so.It's always nice to have feedback.

_Rap, rap, rap._

Antonia blinked.Bleary eyed, the witch noticed that her husband was still beside her.She buried her head under the covers.

_Rap, rap, rap._

She groaned."Wha?" the blond grumbled, her voice gritty with sleep.

_Rap, rap, rap._

"I'm coming," she mumbled."_Accio_ dressing gown."Antonia grabbed the floating garment out of the air and was tying the sash around her waist as she heard another _rap, rap, rap!_

Antonia padded across the cold stone floor in bare feet."What?" she mumbled sleepily as she opened the door.

She became a bit more conscious when she saw who stood on the other side of the heavy wooden door."Sir?"

Albus Dumbledore stood across the threshold, his face grim."I'm sorry to wake you at this early hour, Antonia, but there is a visitor waiting in the potions room for a Professor Snape.The visitor refused to clarify which Professor Snape was requested, so I thought it best to wake you both."

Antonia nodded sleepily, beginning to wake up."I'll wake Severus."

Dumbledore nodded unhappily."Do be quick, Antonia.I want to get this over with as quickly as possible."

"Yes, sir."

Dumbledore walked away and she closed the door.

"Severus, wake up," she said urgently, shaking his shoulder.

"Good God, woman, what do you want?"

"One of us has a visitor in your classroom.Professor Dumbledore isn't sure which one of us has been requested."

He groaned."If it's a pissed off parent, it's probably me.I don't think you've been here long enough to alienate anyone…"

"Then, fine, _you_ get up and deal with it and let me go to bed."

He yawned."I don't think so."

The witch swatted her wizard with a pillow."Come _on_!Dumbledore himself came down to our dungeon."

"Fine," he replied shortly."I'm getting up."

She handed him his robe."I'll be right behind you, darling.I just want to get myself looking like a human, first."

"Of course._I_ always look ghastly, so I don't need time to clean up."

She sighed."Severus, please.I'm not saying that, and you damned well know it.I know you aren't a morning person, but neither am I.And I'll be right down."

"Fine," he snapped.He put on his standard black wizard robe, pulled on his heavy black boots, and stalked out of their bedroom.

"Damn," she sighed.Antonia took a quick shower and slipped on her clothes.Her hair was still wet when she joined her husband and their mystery guest in the potions dungeon.

Severus and a tall blond man with icy good looks stood about, chatting about the joys of Slytherin.He looked familiar.Incredibly familiar…

She gasped when he faced her full on.It was him.

The man looked surprised for a second, but it was quickly replaced with a smile of mastership."Hello, lover."

Antonia paled.She noticed Severus's grip tighten on his wand as he passed a doubtful sidelong glance at her._In two words_, she thought, _you've managed to make Severus doubt me again.Thank you, Lucius._

"Lucius, this is my _wife_," Snape interjected, his voice icy.

"Oh, she and I met some time ago…I'm sorry, dear, what was your name?"

"Antonia Snape.And yours?It seems to have slipped my mind," she replied, her tone biting.She was doing her damnedest to keep the terror out of her voice, but she could smell her own fear.She just hoped that the other two occupants of the dungeon didn't smell it, as well.

"I'm surprised that you don't remember.Best night of _your_ life," he sniffed contemptuously."It's still Lucius.Although, I believe that night you called me _master_…"

Snape's glare grew deadly.There was no sneer across his face.No, this expression could only be described as blood-lust.

She scoffed."Best night, my ass.I barely remember you."

His gray eyes turned cold."I could make you remember," he promised, moving closer to her.

"If you would refrain from touching my wife," Snape said sharply, his voice snapping like a whip.

"Your wife, Severus?"Lucius chuckled scornfully."I would have thought that you could do better than this little slut."His gray eyes raked across her figure, appraising her as though he'd appraise a horse."Of course, perhaps she settled for you simply because she'd already fucked every other wizard.I imagine her pickings had gotten a little slim…"

He saw the flash of her hand and felt his head snap to one side.

"I thought of it this time without you putting the idea in my head, bastard."She felt a rush of satisfaction at the sight of her hand print on that son of a bitch's face.Her own hand ached from the force of her blow, but the pained expression that flitted across Malfoy's face made it worthwhile.

Malfoy looked murderous.His hand snaked out towards her before Severus stepped between them, his wand in his hand."You will not touch my wife, Lucius, regardless of what capacity you may have touched her before."

Malfoy's gray eyes narrowed."Having to have someone else fight your battles for you, now, eh?"

"State your business," Snape hissed, still shielding Antonia behind his back.

"My business, it would appear, is with your _wife_.She's been giving my son a hard time."

"If you wish to address my wife, it will be done with Dumbledore present.Or your wand in my hand."

Lucius smiled coldly at Antonia."Would you like another night?Of course, I wouldn't sleep with you now if you begged me…Your, uh, _standards_ seem to have dropped significantly since then."

"Not hardly.At least I can remember Severus's name the next morning," she sniffed.

"Listen to me, you little bitch.You will not give my son any further grief.What's it to you if he bewitches your picture to take off her clothes?Given enough alcohol… bourbon, if I recall correctly… you'd take off your clothes anytime and anywhere, and for anyone."

Severus pointed his wand at Lucius."Don't make me kill you.It wouldn't take much to push me to it, right now.And you know that our master has insisted that I be every bit as proficient in Unforgivable Curses as you."

"But the difference is, Snape, you're too cowardly to use them."

"Touch my wife and find out," he promised, his black eyes glittering."And your boy will need to learn how to properly address his professors.Perhaps he needs to sit out from Quidditch until he gets a respectful tone while addressing Professor Snape."

"You're making a mistake," Malfoy replied calmly.

"The only mistake that has been made this morning is when you came in to my classroom and insulted my wife.Draco is a fine boy.He just uses poor judgment.His actions towards my wife are just an example of it, and it is my job to teach him how to use good judgment.Without your undermining."

Lucius glared menacingly at the professors."This school is going to the dogs.I should have sent Draco to Durmstrang."

"Probably," Antonia agreed."Now, if you're quite finished, Mr. Malfoy, I have quite a bit to accomplish.And, really, I'm quite bored with you.Good day."She turned on her heel and walked out of the dungeon.

Moments later, Severus rejoined her in their bedchamber, slamming the door behind him.He pointed his wand at the walls and announced "_Silencio Externum!"_He glared at her, white-faced with rage."You slept with Lucius Malfoy?"__He looked sickened by the sight of her.

She flinched at the hatred in his eyes."It was just a one night stand," she rushed, "In Paris.I was there for a Ministry conference for the different countries' Accidental Magical Reversal Squads.It was the anniversary of David's death, and I just got drunk in a bar.He was there."

He looked repulsed."How could you?"

"I was drunk, and I didn't care.I think I almost half-hoped that he was one of those deranged killers that pick up women in bars.I'd rather hoped that he would take me to bed and murder me as I slept, or that he would push me over the side of the balcony, or something.I didn't want to go on anymore.Being with someone else just made it hurt less."

"Of course.You weren't really a drunken whore.You were just lonely and pitiful," he said in a gentle, mocking voice that dripped with his customary sarcasm.His face twisted into a hateful mask."You make me sick.I can't believe that I ever gave you my time," he spat, his voice now holding all of the wrath of a wronged and vengeful god.

"Severus, please!" she cried, her voice containing a note of pleading.

But he would not be dissuaded from the verbal barrage he lay upon her."How many of my other fellow Death Eaters have you slept with?The whole group?Did you tell the others that it was okay, that you knew that they didn't really mean it?"

"No!" she screamed.

"Is there any Death Eater you _wouldn't_ sleep with?"

"The only Death Eater that I would sleep with is _you_.The others before you?Why should they matter?"

"I don't like the idea of my wife being a Death Eater left over," he hissed.

Her shoulders slumped."Of course.I'm a big whore.I'm everything that they've ever said that I was.And then I found you.But, of course, I was so fucking worthless before you, finding you and loving you won't make a bit of difference, would it?Once a whore, always a whore, right?"Her voice was bitter.

He drew his wand and pointed it at Antonia."There was a time that I would have just killed you, rather than listened to your pathetic rambling over how _hard_ it was, just to be so fucking beautiful.How _lonely_ you were after the muggle that you were screwing died by his own stupidity.Consider yourself lucky that I've grown kinder with age," he sneered, looking at her as though she had all the importance of an annoying gnat.

"_Kinder?_Where's the fucking kindness in that?It would be much kinder of you to kill me than to allow me to stand here before you while you look at me as though I am worthless whore."Tears filled her blue eyes."Why don't you just kill me?Do us both a favor?"

His wand hand dropped to his side and he set his wand down on the table."Why, Antonia?If you had to go home with someone, why _him_?Weren't there other men that were looking at you that night?"

"Because I was stupid.I made a mistake.I'm so sorry, Severus…If I'd had it to do all over again, I never would have gone to bed with him."

Severus looked away from her.He didn't know if he should slap her or if he should hold her.He loved her.He hated her.And every time he closed his eyes, he could see Lucius Malfoy's filthy hands on her.He wanted to kill the bastard for defiling her.Lucius Malfoy didn't deserve to touch her, nor should he ever have had the opportunity to.

"Who else?"His voice cracked like a whip.

"Excuse me?" she gasped, incredulous.How the Hell could he ask her something like that?

"Who else have you been sleeping with, Antonia?Is anyone else going to surprise me with revelations regarding the chastity of my _darling_ wife?" he mocked.

She looked down at the stone floor."Severus, I really don't…"

"Who else?" he demanded."Or would I be better off asking who you _haven't_ slept with?"

"Do you want me to rattle off a list?" she hissed.

"Yes!I want to know who else is going to come up and tell me something that I didn't know about my wife!Did you sleep with Sirius Black after we graduated?Or Peter Pettigrew before he ran away to live the life of a rat?Or maybe James, after a drunken argument with Lily?"

Her face remained in a mask of denial."No!I never—"

"What about Lupin?Did you curl up with him in front of the fire when he wasn't prowling the countryside eating things?"

She stepped back, stunned."How did you?"

Severus looked at his wife with disgust."You slept with Remus Lupin?How could you?Have you no standards?"

"I _never_ had sex with Remus.It was after David died.I was upset.Devastated, really.He was my friend.He came over and he stayed with me.Nothing more ever happened than a few kisses.But you know what?Remus would never treat me with so little respect."

"That's because Remus has never been told that you fucked half the Death Eaters!Did you sleep with the Dark Lord, too?"

She stepped back, stunned."How could you say such a thing?Do you think so little of me?"

"Right now?Yes," he responded cruelly.

Suddenly, there was a _crack_, and Severus's face stung."How dare you?Who the Hell do you think you are to talk to me like that?You know, Severus, I might have been the biggest slut imaginable," she spat, "But at least I don't kiss the hems of the Dark Lord.Oh, and I assure you, if I _did_ sleep with him, it would have involved him kissing the hem of _my _robes, rather than the other way around."

His face reddened."I have never wanted so much to hurt someone as I do you at this moment.You make me sick."

"Not as sick as I make myself."Without another glance at her husband, she walked out of their bedchamber.

Her life before him had come back to blow up in her face.She could live with that.But she'd be damned if she'd let him see her cry over it.

When breakfast rolled around, Antonia was one of the first professors in the Great Hall.Severus was the last.He took his customary seat beside Antonia, but refused to look at her.Likewise, she focused her eyes in every direction but his.

Dumbledore, in effort to break the tension, said lightly, "So, is everyone going to Hogsmeade today?I understand that Zonko's has gotten some new product in.I've heard that it's from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, as well."

The other professors made appropriate noises, but Severus and Antonia persisted in avoiding each other.

As the students began to file out of the Great Hall, Dumbledore said quietly, "Professors Snape, I need to speak to you both in my office."

Both nodded.

They sat down in his office in two great chairs. Not coincidentally, they picked the two chairs that were the farthest away from each other.

"Lemon drop?" he offered.At the look on the Snapes' faces, he tucked the baggie back in his desk."Er, right.So, what is it with the two of you?Yesterday, you were loath to share each other even long enough to join us for meals.Today, you don't want to be in the same room."

"That's very personal, sir," Antonia replied stiffly.

"Be that as it may, I find your behavior to be entirely inappropriate.You two managed to show enough restraint in public when you wanted to be together.Can you at least make the effort to _pretend_ to like each other in front of the students?" Dumbledore pressed.

"I'm sorry, sir.I've simply discovered some things about my spouse that certainly would have delayed the haste in which we married," Snape replied, looking at Antonia with repulsion.

"Sir, perhaps it would be best if I moved into the bedchamber usually received for the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" Antonia suggested, her voice tight.

"That would be best," Severus agreed.

Dumbledore shook his head."I'm afraid not.In light of the occurrences of late, one of them being the clearing of Sirius Black's name, I've given that chamber to him."

"Is there another room that I might move to, sir?"Her voice, usually light and pleasant, was now shaky and gravelly.

"I'm afraid not, Professor Snape.You two will have to work out whatever problem you are having.If you do not wish to be together at the end of the term, then we can figure something out."

"I don't wish to be with her _now,_ sir."

"You should have thought about that before you married me.Hypocritical bastard."She rose to her feet and headed for the door."I'm sorry, sir.Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you love a person if he doesn't love you back."

With her head held high, Antonia walked out of the office.Severus thought he heard her choke on a sob as the wall slid shut behind her.

"Severus, what are you doing?" Dumbledore asked, his face unsmiling.

"She's done some things, sir, that I find unforgivable."

"Before she married you, I presume?"

"Yes."

Dumbledore sighed."Severus, I tried to warn you when you and Antonia first got involved that she didn't exactly have the most savory past.But, then, neither do you.Of course, you ignored me and pursued her, anyway."

"I shouldn't have," he admitted.

"Do you love her?"

"Very much, sir."

"Then why are you punishing her for something that happened before you found each other?"

"If I'd known, I never would have touched her."

"Really, Severus.You've done some things that you aren't proud of, and she seems to have gotten past that.Yet you have difficulties doing the same?"

"_She_ knew what I'd done.I've had no such luxuries."

"Has it occurred to you, Severus, that Antonia was so reluctant to tell you anything of her past because of how you're behaving right now?"

He was silent, pondering the words that Dumbledore had spoken.After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Snape spoke."You're right," Snape admitted.

"She's very upset right now.What do you think you should do?"

"I see your point, sir.Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my wife."

Snape went back to the dungeons to find Antonia quietly weeping over a bottle of bourbon and her book of Shakespeare's sonnets.

# When to the sessions of sweet silent thought

_I summon up remembrance of things past,_

_I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,_

_And with old woes new wail my dear times' waste:_

_Then can I drown an eye, unus'd to flow,_

_For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,_

_And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,_

_And moan the expense of many a vansh'd sight:_

_Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,_

_And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er_

_The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,_

_Which I new pay as if not paid before._

_But if the while I think o thee, dear friend,_

_All losses are restor'd and sorrows end._

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?Thou art more lovely and more temperate," Severus quoted softly.

Her eyes were puffy and her face was red."I wasn't reading that sonnet," she sniffled.

He sat down at her feet and gazed at the flawless beauty that he'd married._Not flawless, _he corrected."I'm sorry, Antonia," he began hesitantly."I was being hateful and horrible.I was hurt.I admit that.But I still behaved like a boorish ass.Can you forgive me?" he asked, before her on bent knee.

"I love you.As much as you hurt me, I'm madly in love with you.It's a terrible, stupid thing, but it's the truth.I just don't understand how you could suddenly turn on me like that, after you defended me in the dungeon."

"A man that I detest has carnal knowledge of my wife.He took great pleasure in giving details, so I would know that it was the truth.I didn't like how that made me feel.And I took it out on you."

"How are we going to be happy when you get angry with me over things that have nothing to do with our relationship?What happened in Paris was so long ago, darling, and it had _nothing_ to do with us.That you would be so cruel over it… well, it hurt."

He took the book out of her hands and shifted the bourbon to one side, then rested his head in her lap.He opened his mouth to say something, and remembered what he'd said about his wife and Voldemort."I'm so sorry…I don't know how you can forgive me."

She stroked his black hair lovingly, not minding that it was getting greasy again.He was back in her arms, and he still loved her.That was all that mattered.


	12. Descent to the Maelstrom: The Art of War

A/N:What's mine is mine, what's not belongs to JKR.That said, thanks to Tempesta.You, my love, are my muse, and I would be essentially lost without you.Tessie, thanks so much for taking the time to email me when ff.net was being an ass and not letting anyone review.That you would go the extra mile to give me feedback means a lot.Thanks again.Amanita, thanks for reviewing **before** ff.net went to Hell again.(I swear, I wish they'd get all the damned bugs fixed!)

Oh, and because of all the crap that ff.net has been doing, lately, Tempesta and I are working on starting another site for HP fics.I'll post the URL once it's up and running.

To everyone else, thanks for reading!I'll excuse y'all for not reviewing this time, since ff.net wouldn't let me _anything_ since I posted chapter 11.;)

And a warning: this chapter is a bit more graphic than the others.Not with sex, but with violence.You've been warned!

***********************************************************************************************

It was close to midnight when he felt it.The Dark Mark was burning against his flesh.He didn't say anything to Antonia, this time.He didn't want to wake her and upset her.He knew that it would cause a delay.He knew how the Dark Lord felt about delays, as well.Like a thief in the night, he crept out of bed."_Accio_ robe," he whispered. 

His clothes soundlessly slipped into his hands.There was an occasional rustling sound as he dressed himself.He was certain the creaking of their bedroom door would do him in.

But she heard nothing.Antonia was still sleeping soundly when he departed from the grounds.

They were all wearing their Death Eater hoods when they apparated at the Dark Lord's side.

"Tonight," the monstrosity began in his high whine, "We shall remind the world of our superiority…"

He listened to the words of the Dark Lord, trying to be as much of a faithful follower as he could.But much of the time, his mind was focused on memories of what had been said fifteen years before, rather than what was being said at the present.

He blindly followed along when they apparated to their next area.It was a small neighborhood in what looked like was once a farming community.He heard them before he saw them.There he was, in his old nightmare again, only this time, the nightmare was real.

There was fire around him.People were screaming.There were howls of agony and sobs of terror.Invariably, it was followed by a green flash of light, and then silence.In the background, he saw her.A beautiful little girl with red hair and green eyes.It was a shame that she was wearing such a brilliant shade of white.They would find her, and they would torture her, for, not only was she a muggle, she was a muggle who would most likely grow up to be beautiful.

Sadness weighed down on him when he realized that, after tonight, she would be dead, and would grow up to be nothing, for she would not grow at all.

A thought rushed through his head._I can save her_.Yes, he could save that child and her family.She was Lily all over again.If he could save Lily this time, his penance would be complete, his sin would be absolved.

He willed himself to be invisible to his brethren in the Death Eater hoods.Let them not see as he did this one thing right.He grabbed the little girl and clamped a hand over her mouth."Don't scream," he whispered."These men have come to do a bad thing to your family.Go.Get them out of here.Tell them not to take anything with them, because there's not enough time.Run through the forests, hide in the trees.And don't come out until the sun rises."

The child looked at him, terror in her green eyes.

"Do you understand what I am telling you, child?"

She nodded, her little red braids bobbing.

"Go."

"Come with us," she whispered.

"I cannot.I'm one of them.Go save your family."He watched in the shadows as the little girl ran through the smoke.Her dress was no longer white as it was bathed in soot.

_Perhaps you saved one, this time,_ he thought.

It mattered not.There were still at least a hundred more in this area that would be beyond his salvation.And their blood would be on his hands, for, whether he liked it or not, his words to Lily… the child… were accurate._He was one of them_.

And he would be one of them until they were no more… or _he_ was no more.

He heard the screams again.A woman, a muggle woman.She was screaming for help as one of the Death Eaters pushed her down and threw himself on top of her.Snape turned away, sickened.He wouldn't watch them rape that poor woman before they finally killed her.He heard the sounds of animals dying, and saw a cow running across the open stretch.

The cow was in flames.It gave one last sound of agony before collapsing in the field, still on fire.

There was the sound of gunfire and a scream.Against his will, his eyes turned.The Death Eater was dead on top of the muggle woman.As she tried to crawl away, a curse was shouted and a flash of green light struck her.Severus knew from his studies that she was dead before she hit the ground.

There was a man in overalls.He was holding the gun.At least, he _was_, until a Death Eater pointed the wand at him and screamed "_Wingardium Leviosa!"_The muggle floated into the air, screaming in terror.

Severus didn't want to die like that.

No, not even close.He wanted to die an old man at Antonia's side.

But as the fires exploded and the green lights flashed, as the muggles screamed for someone to save them, for God to take them, it seemed less likely.

The little girl.He saw her and two adults, her parents.They were carrying a small child who was wailing in the darkness.How difficult it must have been, how frightened they all had to be…He thought he could see tears on the little girl's face sparkling in the night.

He hoped that no Death Eaters could hear them above the other screams of terror.He hoped that the other Death Eaters were too busy killing someone else, rather than noticing that family that was trying to escape in the darkness.

A Death Eater charged them._You aren't going to kill Lily again_, he thought as he raised his wand."Avada Kedavra!" he hissed.Never before had he been filled with such righteousness when he made a kill.

The Death Eater charging the family collapsed in the field. 

Lily… no, not Lily.The little girl.She paused and looked at him for a moment before she rejoined her family's sprint into the forest.

They were safe.But how safe he would be when the Dark Lord looked into his eyes remained to be seen.

Suddenly, the heavens opened and torrents of rain fell.

"Get out of here!" the Death Eaters were screaming as they disapparated.Another of them had fallen in their midst, his life taken by a Killing Curse thrown by an Auror who was on the scene.

He gave one last thought to the little girl and her family.He disapparated as an Auror moved closer to him.But before he left, he launched the Dark Mark in the sky.

They all apparated at the same clearing in the woods where they were, before.This time, they were all back in their appropriate places within his circle, kneeling before their master."Would anyone like to tell me," the snake man hissed, forked tongue flicking, "what happened?How did a normal raid go so wrong?Three of our men are dead.An Auror showed up.The area is probably crawling with them, now."

The man walked around the circle, taking in the appearance of his servants."Perhaps we need to think about how such a mistake was made… and how an entire family of those filthy muggles were allowed to go free."

He paused in front of Severus, who carefully pushed all thoughts of the child to the back of his mind._"You will stay after the others leave,"_ the creature hissed under his breath.

"Never before," Voldemort announced, his voice loud for his Death Eaters once more, "have I been so disgusted with a raid.This was to be fun, to be easy…Instead, _we_ were nearly defeated.Randall Dupree, Marcus Malloy, and Barry Buchanan were lost.They were brave men who died a death befitting that of a Death Eater.But it is too early in the battle to lose anymore of your brethren.I want you to go, and to think.Think of how my sons were lost.Think of what we can do to punish those stinking muggles for forcing us to hide our magic and to suppress our true nature."

The Death Eaters began to disapparate around them, one by one._Pop, pop, pop!_

Finally,they were alone.

"Tell me, Severus," he hissed, running his long, inhuman fingers down Snape's throat."How is it that something so simple as muggle torture goes wrong?An entire family gets away?And one of our own is dead in a field by the Killing Curse, chasing, it seems, after _muggles_—" He said the word with disgust."—and not an Auror in sight?"

Severus swallowed tightly."Perhaps the first Auror came on to the scene before we knew?"

"Perhaps… perhaps…I just find it interesting that all of these things begin happening after you take a Ministry bride."

Severus tried not to let his surprise show.How did he know?

"I know everything, Severus.Sometimes, it's like I can crawl into your head, so clear are your thoughts."

"May I speak, my Lord?"

"You may."

"My wife left the Ministry.Her loyalty is to _me_.Her former friends of the ministry are my enemies, therefore, they are her enemies."

"And she supports herself how?" Voldemort demanded.

"She teaches at Hogwarts, so that she may remain by my side."

"You will have to bring me your wife, Severus.I know Narcissa Malfoy well enough.I know that she is an asset to our cause.I must wonder, will your wife be a faithful servant to us?Or will she be a millstone around your neck?"

Severus looked up at him, pale."My wife?"

"I want your wife.To see her.To be sure that she will not be our downfall."

"When, my Lord?"He hoped he didn't throw up.Waves of nausea were reflected internally.

"When I see fit."The Dark Lord turned at looked at the sky.A rich orange was beginning to appear in the horizon."You are dismissed."

He kissed Voldemort's robes."Thank you, master."He disapparated.

***

She lay in their bed, still sleeping.He was grateful.It had been a hard night after a day with too little sleep.He was disappointed that Lucius Malfoy wasn't listed among the dead.

Tenderly, he stroked her cheek.She was still here, alive, and she was his."I love you, Antonia."

His mind's eye imposed the face of Lily over that of his wife."Lily," he whispered, still gently touching her face."I saved you, tonight.I'm just so sorry I didn't do it right the first time…"

The woman in his bed shifted again, and her face was once more the countenance of his Antonia.

He was lost.Waves of nausea swept through him as he recalled the events of the night… the events of his life.That little girl… Hopefully, the Aurors found her and her family and altered their memories.They did not need to have any memory of the horrific events that had befallen their friends and neighbors.

No, there were some horrors that people were better off not remembering.He, unfortunately, had no Auror to erase his memories.And the screams of those people that he could not save would forever be in his head.

Antonia's eyes fluttered."Severus?What's wrong, darling?What happened?"The anguish was written across his face.Even in her sleepy state, she could see it.

"I don't know what I am anymore," he confessed.

He knelt beside the bed and rested his head on her breasts.He could hear her heart beating.It made him feel less hideous, to know that there was someone beside him who cared for him.He needed to hear and see representatives of _life_.

"Shh," she whispered, stroking his oily locks.He smelled of smoke and of terror, but it mattered not.All that mattered was that he was here, that he was with her, that he was still alive.

"I've seen horrors tonight that could drive a man mad, Antonia," he whimpered."If the Dementors ever get a hold of me, I'd lose my sanity in five minutes."

"Shh…It will be okay, darling.I promise.There will be no Dementors for you to fear.Nothing will hurt you.Not here, not while you love me."

"I'm no better than _them_," he cried.

"You are, darling.You still love.You care for things.The world has not become all about dominance for you."

"I killed a man tonight, Antonia.I pointed my wand at him and I used the Killing Curse.I didn't flinch.I just… I just did it."

She didn't act sickened or horrified.No, she just kept stroking him, telling him that it would be okay."You didn't strike him down in cold blood.I know you.I know you aren't like that.For you to use an Unforgivable Curse, he had to have been doing an unforgivable act."

"He was going to kill her all over again.I saw Lily there tonight."

"Severus, you couldn't have seen Lily," Antonia protested weakly.

"I know that it wasn't her, but at the same time, it _was_ her.A little girl with her red hair, with her green eyes.She was wearing a white dress.I sent her to get her family out of their house before the Death Eaters marched on them.When they were running for the forest, a Death Eater came up, ready to kill them.So, I… I killed him first."

"Darling, you did the only thing that you could do.Had you not killed that one man, an entire family would have been slaughtered.And for what?For not being of a pureblood wizarding family?What is the value of pure blood, anyway?Even the Dark Lord himself cannot boast of such a lineage."

"It was almost as though I made up for not being able to save Lily."

She felt sickened.She wanted to scream.Lily, _Lily, LILY_!That was what the world was about to him!Where did she figure in?Then, she realized what a bitch she was being.The death of Lily Evans Potter had haunted him for fourteen years.At this time, her husband needed her unwavering support, not her petty jealousies.

"Lily wouldn't have wanted you to torture yourself like you've been doing.I think she'd be glad that you found me, again."

"I know.But it isn't over.The Dark Lord… he suspects that my loyalties may have wavered.He wants to meet you."

She trembled."I won't.I won't do it."

"He'll kill us both if we don't.We have no choice."His voice was grim.He'd just left that Hell, and he knew that he would have to go back.And he would have to bring his lover with him.

"Why did you have to answer his call?Why did you have to go?We should be in the south of France, enjoying a quiet, peaceful life.Perhaps we should be living in the States with the Yanks.We should be anywhere but here, worrying about this!"

"It's the only way, Antonia."

"Why?We can… we can run!We can just pack our bags and disappear in the night, and take the boys with us.There's a way where they'll never find us!"

"No, Antonia.It doesn't work.Lily and James thought so, too, and they are dead.This is our only chance.I have to bring him down.As long as the Dark Lord walks, I'll never be free of him."

"May I be perfectly honest with you?" she asked, her voice hushed.

He looked up at her and took her hand in his."That's all that I could ask of you."

"I'm afraid."

"So am I," he whispered.

"Join me in the shower?"

He tried to smile at her."Gladly."

She padded, barefoot, to the shower.He loved to watch her.When she was unclothed, every stretch, every movement was a sensual torture.

Against his will, his mind's eye shifted.He heard her turn on the water, he felt her pull him in behind her.But he was seeing the Dark Lord standing with them under the full moon.He saw the Dark Lord touch her face; he heard the Dark Lord tell her how lovely she was.

When she refused to serve the Dark Lord, he saw his master pick up his wand and place a body bind curse on him.Worst of all, he saw the Dark Lord begin to torture Antonia… and there was nothing that he could do, except listen to her screams.

"Severus," she whispered.There was a vacant look in his eyes as he sank to the floor."Severus!" she screamed, shaking him.

His eyes lost the vacancy, but there was a terror in his arms when he reached out and grabbed her.He pulled her down to the floor with him and held her tight.

"Severus, please!You're scaring me!What's going on?I don't understand any of this!" she cried.

His arms were wrapped around her so that she could not move, so that she could scarcely breathe."My Antonia," he sobbed.

She saw the tears running down his face, the tears that she was powerless to stop.

"Severus, I don't know what to do," she wept, burying her face against him.She couldn't bare to lose him, not again.But he was terrifying her beyond any fright the Dark Lord could give her.

"Just don't leave me," he begged."I know it's selfish of me, but please don't pack your bags and leave me…I don't know if I will come out of this alive, but I'd rather be dead now than to have him take you from me."

"I can't leave you," she whispered, her tears mixing with the sprinkling water from the shower as both poured down her face."You're my life, Severus.I'm so afraid of what will happen to you."

He kissed her, a hard bruising kiss that held all of the pent up emotion from within.He felt her kissing him back with equal ardor.There were forces out there that were beyond their control.But they had each other.And that would be enough to get them through.


	13. Descent to the Maelstrom: Godfather Deat...

# A/N:see the previous chapters.I've already made this speech.J

Katie Weasley: You hit the nail right on the head with Antonia.

Amanita Lestrange: I have a special surprise just for you in an upcoming chapter…

Tessie: I'm glad you enjoyed the story thus far.

Rushumble, Francesca, Jade, PotterLovingAsh, and Catriona Snape, thanks for your reviews.There's more great stuff to come!

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# 

# 

# 

# One week later

She heard a cry in the dark, one so filled with anguish that it woke her from her pleasant slumber."What's wrong?" she murmured sleepily.

He mentally lit a candle and showed her the Dark Mark on his arm.It was black and burning into him."It's time," he said to her, gripping her hand."And he'll want you to come, as well."

The blond witch nodded and slipped into a set of black robes.Yes, black seemed to be the appropriate color when you were meeting the one that would, most likely, be the cause of your death.

"Are you ready?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"As ready as I will ever be," the woman replied grimly.

He threw some powder in the fireplace and watched the flames turn green."Then let's go."They stepped into the fireplace together and wrapped their arms around each other."Astronomy tower," Snape announced.They then disappeared.

In the astronomy tower, he stepped out of the fireplace.He held out a hand to his wife and tried to prevent her from bumping her head on the low grate.

"Ouch!" she cried, clutching the top of her head with one hand while attempting to dust off soot with the other.

"Shh," he hissed furiously, pulling his broom out from the closet that he'd hidden it in just days before.

"You'd better let me fly," she insisted."You're abominable on a broomstick, and we both know it."

"I really don't…"

"Shut up, Severus.There's no way in _Hell_ I'd let you fly with me on the back of the broom.I'm no great athlete on the back of a broom, either, but at least there's no danger of my crashing."

They were late enough, already, so he gave in without (much of) a fight.

At Hogsmeade, Antonia landed behind The Three Broomsticks and transfigured the broomstick to look like a rock.

"No, don't turn it into a rock!" Severus hissed.

"Do you want me to turn it into something obvious, like a magenta sphere or something equally stupid?"

"No, but you'll lose it!When we get back, you won't remember which rock it was…And you _know_ I won't recognize it…"

"No, I won't," she protested."Put the damned thing in your pocket, we won't have to worry about it."

He complied and wrapped his arms around her as they apparated together.

There they were, in the middle of the Dark Lord's circle.It had been nearly forty minutes since the Dark Mark had burned upon his arm, yet they'd finally made it.

There was no anger written across the ghastly monstrosity of the face belonging to the Dark Lord.The Death Eaters stood around them in the familiar circle that the Dark Lord so seemed to adore.

The red eyes of the Dark Lord raked her body, seeming to take in every detail, every nuance of her."So this is your wife, my son?" a high, cold voice inquired.

Severus kept his eyes respectably downcast."Yes, my Lord."

She fought the urge to laugh at that voice.Someone so monstrous, so deadly, had a voice like a pre-pubescent little girl?

When he looked at her, he saw the most angelic looking creature that he'd seen in quite…It had been a long time.He almost smiled when he saw her before him.She stood straight and met his reptilian gaze head on.

"She has spirit, my son.She does not cower before me," he hissed, fixing his beady red eyes on her.

"I am loyal to my husband.What he supports is what I support," she responded, her voice firm and…

What else was it that Voldemort heard in her voice?Was it… pride?Yes, pride.This woman appeared to be proud of whom she served.

"I would like you to enter my circle," he pressed, pulling out his blade."I would like you to wear my mark on my arm, to be one of my children."

"I cannot."

The other Death Eaters fixed their gaze upon the woman who stood in their midst.There were gasps and whispers._Surely, she's given the wrong answer, now...She's made him angry…He'll kill her for sure…_She was lovely.She was unattainable.She was also about to die.

He raised the dagger, ready to plunge it into her heart.It was, certainly, a blunt muggle way to kill, but was it not fitting to take the life of one who refused to serve with the same blade that marked those who would?Yes, he would kill her, and the little bitch deserved to die for her treachery.None had ever denied him their servitude when he asked so kindly.Not without perishing for their foolishness, anyway."Why not, beautiful one?What causes you to speak such foolishness to one who could kill you where you stand?"

He saw something flicker in her beautiful eyes.Fear, perhaps?Would her life end now, for this?"For a reason that you would understand, sir.One cannot serve two masters.I have taken a vow to serve my husband before the Gods, until death do we part.Any service that I provide to your cause would be for my husband, whom I already serve."

He saw his son on the ground before him, his eyes closed.Was his son trying to close out his fear?

Ah, yes.That was fear from his son.Fear of losing his own life?No, not at all.This fear was selfless.This fear was based on that of losing his love.But did his son deserve the affections of such a glorious creature as this?After all, not even a veela could be this beautiful.

He turned his gaze back to the breathtakingly lovely witch who stood before him. He smiled at her… if that is what it could be called when his reptilian lips drew back."You are a smart girl, Antonia Snape."He reached out and stroked her face, an almost loving gesture."A beautiful woman…"

She trembled beneath his touch.Not much, not as others had done, but it was still there.But, to her credit, she did not flinch, nor did she look away.No, her gaze was as strong and steady as it had ever been.Her face stayed bland and his fingers moved down the side of her face, down her neck.His fingers strayed down to the swell of her breasts when she snatched his hand away."I cannot allow that, sir.I took a vow to my master for no other to touch me in that manner."

He saw his son tense.Was he waiting for her to fall?It was of no concern to the Dark Lord.All that mattered, truly, was this woman before him.Oh, how she'd brought back memories…Yes, there were memories in his life of a fair one that he would have done anything for.

The master heard a snigger from behind him.Voldemort's eyes blazed with uncontrollable fury as he raised his wand and his voice was gravelly with rage as he roared, "_Crucio!"_

He saw her close her eyes.Was she waiting for the pain to overtake her?Did she believe that he could be so unfeeling as to direct his wrath on this beautiful creature that stood before him?Well, he could, but that was beside the point.

He could almost feel her relief when she heard the screams coming from someone behind her.She whirled around and saw a Death Eater…Wormtail, apparently, since a silver hand was twitching along with the rest of him.

He threw his head back and gave a laugh of genuine amusement."I like her, my son.I've never had a Death Eater's wife speak to me in such a manner."His scaly hand still held hers, and he raised it to his reptilian lips.His glowing red eyes racked her form in a covetous manner.

There was something on her face that he couldn't quite discern…Was it… loathing?Did she, too, hate him for what he had become?Yes, of course she did.His own beautiful one hated him, too, at the end.He felt something at that realization…What was it?It was vaguely familiar, but it was something that he'd not felt in so very long.Of course, it had been a very long time since he'd felt _anything_ that was not related to his ambitions.

Ah, yes.He knew what it was.It was sadness.What a shame that this woman, whom he would make his queen in a second, did not want a thing to do with him.No, she loved his son.Which meant that she loved him not.

The Dark Lord dragged his eyes away from the beauty whose hand he now clutched."Stand proud, Severus.Stand as proud as your wife," the monstrosity encouraged.How deserving of this treasure's affections was his son?

He stood on his feet, all six feet and four inches of him standing straight and tall.

Antonia took her eyes off of the creature who held her hand and gazed at her husband.Adoration was clearly reflected in her blue eyes.A loving smile stretched across her lips as she looked up at him.

Voldemort looked upon that exchange with a sense of loss.No woman would ever gaze upon him in that manner.Not ever again."Yes, she belongs at your side, doesn't she?" he remarked, giving her hand over to Severus."You two will produce strong, healthy children that will follow in my footsteps.You've chosen your wife well."

_I couldn't have chosen a better woman for myself… although she was every bit as pleasing to the eye and equally as disagreeable as your Antonia,_ he thought wistfully.

"Thank you, my Lord," he murmured.

"Take your wife home, my son.Treat her like the treasure that she is.For, if you refuse, I may very well be tempted to take her for my own."

She gave a nervous laugh and stepped closer to Severus's side.

"I will always cherish her," he promised.That was no lie, and the master knew it.The Dark Lord nodded approvingly as they disapparated.

And there it was.His own love, reincarnated, it almost seemed, was gone once more.

***

He kissed his wife and tucked her back into bed.The night's events had been difficult for both of them, but, fortunately, it was the weekend, so there were no classes to worry about, nor was his house playing in a Quidditch match.

When he was certain that she had fallen into a restful slumber, he left her alone in their mammoth bed.

Snape trudged up the stairs and through various secret passages, taking the quickest way to Dumbledore's office that he possibly could.After all, he was quite exhausted, and he had no desire to try to find the hallway that only led to Dumbledore's office on the fourth Saturday of the month.

"Chocolate frog," Snape said to the Gargoyle statue.The statue moved, revealing the staircase that went up to Dumbledore's office.

"Hello, Severus," Dumbledore said, not even looking up from the papers he shuffled across his desk.

"Sir," Snape responded.

He put the papers down and gave his potions master his undivided attention."What's happened?"

"I took Antonia to the Dark Lord."

The twinkle was absent from his blue eyes."And what did Voldemort do?"

"He adored her.He asked her to become one of his servants, and seemed amused when she turned him down.There was no anger or malice directed at her.She was just…He treated her like something special that should only be treasured."

Dumbledore sat back in his chair, pondering Snape's words."Of course.She _is_ just the type of woman that Voldemort has always gone for.Even her name would strike a chord with him…"

Snape was confused."Sir?"

He smiled."Do you think that Voldemort was always a monster?He was once a boy, you know.He was a very popular boy who became Head Boy here.The girls here would worship him, much like they worshipped Sirius Black and James Potter when _they_ were students."

"What does that have to do with my wife?"

He sighed."Severus, there are some things that are beyond explanation.Suffice it to say that the monster who now seeks to kill was once a boy who sought to love."

Severus left the headmaster's office, holding no clearer of an understanding of Lord Voldemort's behavior than he did before.

***

"You had something that you wished to share with me, my son?" a cold, high voice asked.

The man knelt before his master, his silver blond hair gleaming in the moonlight."Yes, master…My brother Snape's wife is not one that you would wish for one of us to associate with…"

Voldemort remembered the soft flesh of the woman who'd stood before him, unflinching, only hours before.He'd _love_ to have a better association with that woman…"Explain."

"Her children."

"The woman has offspring?"

"Halfbloods, sir."

Voldemort's eyes glowed."She needs to die.To further sully wizard blood like that…She _voluntarily _slept with a muggle?That is unforgivable.And I must wonder how faithful Severus is to the cause…"

"Indeed, my Lord…"

"A man has been known to commit acts of great stupidity for a woman," the Dark Lord mused.Images of her beauty flooded his mind's eye.Yes, even _he_, the great Lord Voldemort, would be tempted to do foolish acts for the favor of this woman.But to allow the filthy hands of a muggle to touch her?

Voldemort snapped to attention."You are dismissed, Lucius.I shall call you when I decide what action is to be taken upon that muggle-loving bitch."

"Yes, my Lord."Lucius disapparated with a _pop_.

Voldemort couldn't believe it…This beautiful, charming woman, so loyal to her master… was a _muggle lover?_She'd had children with a _muggle_?How could she?

How could she walk around with that face, that body, looking so like his Angelina?That beautiful face of hers so resembled Angelina, especially when she smiled up at Snape.Yes, he found it wholly believable that Snape could commit acts of colossal stupidity for that face.Had he, the mighty Lord Voldemort, not once found a face so fair that he would go to any such lengths to place a smile on it?

He sighed.It was truly a waste, but he would have to kill her.Yes, she would have to die.

He went down to the tomb which he called his home, left alone with his thoughts.Would Antonia die bravely, like that Potter mudblood bitch?Or would she die in terror, begging him not to kill her?

Voldemort had a feeling that the bitch was going to stand bravely and face him proudly when he killed her.Of course, he would have to eliminate her children, as well…

No matter.He would rid the world of the trash that had threatened his kind since the beginning of time, and he would be respected and feared beyond any other.

# He lay himself down in his crypt, with visions of that rare and radiant maiden the angels called… not Lenore, but Angelina, whose face would smile upon him nevermore. 

# 

# ***

# 

# One week later

"You faced you-know-who?And _lived_?"Minerva McGonagall was astonished.She threw her arms around Antonia hastily."He could have killed you!"

Antonia sighed."Well, he didn't.He actually seemed… he seemed to _like_ me.It was bizarre."

"You were lucky."

Antonia shook her head."Luck has nothing to do with the Dark Lord.And I can't shake the feeling that it's going to come back to haunt me."

"May I ask you a question, Antonia?" she asked, slouching back on a chair in her bedchamber.

Antonia leaned forward in her chair, sipping a cup of tea."You just did," she replied, her voice light.

"No, I'm serious."

She looked at the Transfiguration professor, pretending to be confused."I thought Sirius was upstairs…"She snapped her fingers."It's that damned polyjuice again, isn't it."

"Antonia, really!" Minerva scolded, her voice still maintaining its good humor."I'd really like to ask you this…"

"Of course."

"What did you ever see in Severus?"

Antonia's face lit up."I've loved him since I was a little girl.I loved his brilliance, his cunning, his kindness…"

Minerva choked on her tea.

"Good heavens, Minerva, are you all right?"

Professor McGonagall wiped her face with her napkin."Yes, you just surprised me.I'd never thought I'd hear someone extolling the virtues of Severus Snape."

"What of you and Dumbledore?" Antonia teased."Even when I was a student here, I always thought there was more than a professional relationship between the two of you…"

"That's neither here nor their," Minerva said evasively, slightly reddening.

Antonia laughed at the apparent discomfort of her colleague… and friend?

Yes, friend.Minerva McGonagall had become quite a good friend to Antonia over the past couple of weeks.And Antonia knew intuitively that Minerva's friendship was genuine.

That was quite an interesting thing to Antonia, who'd never really had a real friend.She was surprised to realize that she… well, she rather liked it.

"Thank you," Antonia said quietly, looking deep into McGonagall's eyes.

"Whatever for?" she replied, confused.

"For being my friend."

***

Severus knocked on the door.He didn't want to do this.He loathed this person.This person wasn't fit to walk the earth, whether in human or dog form.The man was disgusting and despicable.

This was a mistake.He turned and started to walk away when he heard the door open.

"Snape," a voice growled.

He turned and faced the man in the doorway."Black.I have something that I need to discuss with you."

"What do you want?" he demanded.

Snape looked around.The hall was empty, but, really, one never knew…That damned Potter boy was always skulking around where he wasn't wanted in that cursed invisibility cloak."Perhaps we could discuss this in a place where we will not be seen?"

"Fine.Come in."

Snape followed Black in his bedchamber and watched him close the door.

"Talk," Black commanded.

"You seem to be rather fond of my wife…"

Black cut him off."You come to my room for this?You know that I care for Antonia.She's a beautiful, special woman who could do much better than the likes of _you_."

"I didn't come here to go over how terrible I am for Antonia," Snape responded with a sharp voice, letting his irritation show.This wasn't how he had intended for things to go at all."I don't deserve her.I know this.But I love her, and she loves me.I can't ask for anything more, because I deserve far less."

"Then what do you want?"Black was growing annoyed.This tall, greasy git was standing in _his_ sanctuary.And he didn't like it.

"I need you to take care of her."

"What are you talking about, Snape?That was about as clear as mud."

Snape looked away, so that Black could not see the pained expression on his face."Voldemort made me take her too him."

"_WHAT?!"_ Black roared."How could you be so fucking stupid?!"

"It's custom," he responded testily."Actually, I broke custom.I married Antonia without the Dark Lord's approval.So, I had to take her to see him to gain his dubious favor."

"Lovely.Abso-fucking-lutely lovely," Black remarked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"He went mad over her.He thinks that she's delightful.And she impressed the Hell out of him."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Malfoy."

Black pulled out a pack of Dunhill cigarettes and lit one."Nasty habit.I thought I gave it up in Azkaban, but lately, it's been incredibly appealing with all of the nonsense going on."

Severus looked at Black like he was mad.They were both marked men, each in his own way.Why Black would deliberately kill himself with something else was beyond him.Unless, of course, he knew that he was not going to be around long enough for the tobacco to kill him.

"Sit down, Snape.I have a feeling that this is going to take a while."

Snape sat down on an antique red velvet couch.That couch had probably been here since the days when Dippet was the headmaster.

"Well, talk," Black pushed."What does Malfoy have to do with this mess?"

"Lucius had an… interlude… with Antonia about ten years ago in Paris.After seeing her here, he threatened her.He knows about Antonia's children.He'll tell Voldemort…"

"Thus removing Antonia from his favor," Black murmured, flicking his cigarette in an old cauldron that had become his ashtray.

"Precisely."

"I'll kill him," Black replied, his voice calm, but his eyes dark with rage."I'll go to Malfoy Manor, I'll find him, and I'll kill him."

"A particularly charming thought," Severus agreed."I've already considered that.It won't do any good.By now, that bastard has told the Dark Lord about her."

"Fuck."

"My sentiments, exactly."

Black stood up, pacing before the wooden bench he'd been seated on."I don't like you.That much hasn't changed.But I have a soft spot for your wife…"

Snape narrowed his eyes._You certainly have a "spot" for my wife, but I doubt if it's soft_, he thought.

"…and I don't want to see _her_ hurt.We'll have to stay by her side.If you go to see Voldemort, I need to know.I'll stay by her like glue while you're gone.The last thing that we need is for her to go out to the lake with her fairies and get dragged off by twenty men in Death Eater hoods."

"She can't leave the grounds.We have a better chance of protecting her _here_ than anywhere else."

Sirius nodded."Do you _honestly_ think she's going to politely allow us to be on her heels at all times, trailing after her like two lost puppies."

"You resemble that puppy remark far better than I…"

"Watch it, Snape."

"You're right, though.She'll throw a fit.She insists that she can take care of herself, and she'll insist that there is no danger to her from the Dark Lord."

"There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.Sometimes Antonia tends to cross that line." 

"This _is_ my wife that we are discussing…"

"Come off it, Snape.We both know that she doesn't always think things out as she should…"

He was silent.It was too true, and they both knew it.After all, if Antonia actually thought before she'd act, then she wouldn't have gotten trashed a few weeks ago, nor would she have gotten drunk in Paris and fallen into bed with that scum Malfoy.

Sirius noticed that there was no come back."You really do trust her, don't you?"

Snape nodded."If she wanted to leave me for someone else, all the time that I could spend trying to keep temptation away from her wouldn't do me a bit of good.She's with me because she wants to be.That's all the assurance that I should need."

"'Bout damned time you figured it out."

"But you'll help protect her?"

"I'll die for her, if necessary," Black promised.

The potions master nodded somberly."That's all that I could ask of you."

"Have you told Dumbledore about this?"

"No.He can't protect her.She can't know about it, because she'll do something stupid, like go off after Malfoy, and Dumbledore can't follow her around constantly," Snape replied.

Black lit another cigarette.He realized that, if he wasn't careful, he was going to revert back to his old, chain-smoking self on the back of a flying motorcycle."She doesn't honestly think she can take Malfoy, does she?"

Snape smiled."The Ministry of Magic seems to think she can.They almost made her an Auror."

"Almost?"

"She married me.It would be rather difficult for an Auror with license to use the Killing Curse to be married to a Death Eater," he reminded.

"Oh, yeah.That," Black answered, his voice heavy with irony.


	14. Descent to the Maelstrom: Arsenic and Ol...

A/N: read any of the first chapters for a disclaimer.I'm tired of rewriting it.J

Katie: Angelina will be further explained, but it will be a while.Perhaps once Antonia's finished shouting orders in my head.She really is a demanding little witch, you know.

Amanita: Yeah, I know.I wanted to bitch slap him, myself, but, you know, he kept looking at her and thinking Angelina.She was something special, you know.

w&m_law: Sirius serves a purpose in this one.And, well, Sev is very near and dear to my heart.

candace, Amanita Lestrange, w&m_law, tessie, Catriona Snape, Lindsay Beth, rushumble, Katie Weasley, Whitebears, and Tom Riddilpley:Thanks for the reviews!

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She laughed as he carried her across the dungeon to their bed."I love you, Severus Snape," she said, a loving smile across her face.

"And I, you, Antonia Snape."He kissed her, and felt her arms wind around his neck.She was feather light.He had a feeling that he'd never grow tired of carrying her off to bed.

She sank into the soft mattress, and smiled with anticipation when she felt his weight pressing down on top of her.She'd come to know every nuance, every sensitive spot…She'd learned how to make her husband purr with delight and how to drive him mad with desire.And she loved every second of it.

Likewise, Severus had learned how to make Antonia quiver and shiver, and how to make her beg for more.They could never get enough of each other.

She felt one of his hands sliding under her robes, lightly caressing her legs, sliding up the silkiness of one perfectly shaped thigh.She kissed him, little kisses seeped in her adoration, brushing his lips, his cheeks, his chin, his neck…Wherever her lips could find him, she bestowed him with those angel-soft kisses.

His head slipped down, unfastening her robe with his teeth.She shivered at the coolness of the night air against her bared flesh.

He paused for a second, content to let his eyes feast upon the perfection before him."So beautiful," he whispered, his lips brushing the satiny smoothness of her breasts.He felt her stiffen beneath him as his lips closed under one dusky nipple.He teased her with his tongue and his teeth, giving his undivided attention to the perfection of her until she cried out with pleasure.

"Severus," she whimpered, her hands in his hair, her fingers tangled in the midnight strands.

He felt a rush of triumph as he looked up at her face.She was limp with pleasure, yet agonized by his robes being in her way.With shaking fingers, she sought to remove the offending garments.He took pity on her ineffective fingers and pulled them out of the way.Lovingly, he kissed her fingertips and placed her arms above her head.

Her eyes blazed with passion as his robe fell open.With impatient hands, she pushed the annoying fabric off of his shoulders, slipping it down his strong arms.The black wizard robe fell to a tangled heap on the stone floor.

She desperately pulled him back down to her, wanting to feel all of him against her.

His skin was hot as she brought the length of his body against her.Antonia wrapped her arms around her lover, binding him to her.His breathing grew harsh as she placed feathery light kisses on his face and neck.She wrapped her legs around him and cried out as he slid inside her.

They collapsed together and fell into a deep sleep, secure in the comfort of one another's arms.

***

She woke up to feel him thrashing beneath the covers, apparently in the throes of some terrible nightmare."No!No!Don't kill…" he murmured.

"Shh," she whispered, cradling his head against her breasts."I'm right here, darling…"

She gently stroked the side of his face, murmuring comforting nonsense.He quieted in her arms.

But only for an instant."I won't let you take her!No, master!I'll kill you, first!"

"No one will take anyone from you again," she whispered, kissing his forehead."I won't let them," she promised.

"Master, you promised that you would leave her to me!She belongs by my side!Don't kill her!Please!DON'T KILL HER!"Tears trickled down his sleeping face; his hand flailed desperately for his wand.

Antonia tensed.He wasn't talking about _her_… was he?Rather than soothing him, she listened.There was no way that he would tell her these things in his waking hours."Don't kill who, darling?" she whispered, hoping that he would answer in his restless dreaming.

"Don't kill my Antonia…I can make her see the way, master…She can learn to hate muggles as much as you…Please, master, I promise, I'll make her see…I'll do anything, just don't take her!"

She felt sick.This wasn't one of his nightmares when he was dreaming of things that had passed.This was a nightmare where he was dreaming of things that would come.Had someone tipped off the Dark Lord about her…

_Lucius Malfoy._Of course.That little worm would gladly tell her secrets to the master.Oh, but it would serve a dual purpose.It would earn the bastard favor with the master, and it would punish Severus for insulting him.Not the least of it would be the satisfaction at punishing _her_ for her treatment of Draco.

"Severus, wake up," she whispered, shaking him.

"Antonia!" he cried out in his sleep.

"I'm right here, darling.Please wake up."Her voice grew more urgent, her shakes a little less gentle.

His dark eyes blinked at her for a moment.

"I'm right here, darling.You must have had a terrible nightmare," she comforted.

Gratefully, he snuggled deep into her embrace.He gripped her tightly, his fingers biting into her tender flesh."I'm so glad you're still here."

"Shh… It's all right, Severus.I love you, and I'm right here."He fell back into a restful sleep, his head resting on her breasts.

She slipped out from her husband's sleeping embrace gently, so as not to disturb him from his much-needed rest.Silently, the witch dressed herself, paying no attention to the bruises he'd just given her.She quietly let herself out of their bedchamber, much like a thief in the night.

Antonia winced as she heard the door close behind her with a soft _thud_.She waited out in the hall, hating the sound of her breathing.She was certain that her husband would wake when he reached out to find her in the night, only to feel the cool satin of the sheets beneath his fingertips.

She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.He was asleep.She'd chased his nightmares away, for now._Move, Antonia_, she admonished herself.She tiptoed down the hall, her bare feet making no sound as they lightly struck the stone floor.

The witch pulled out her wand."_Lumos_," she hissed.Antonia went into the potions dungeon, and commanded the candles to light.

The delicate light of the candles danced along the stone, lighting the room with the ever-wavering flames.The orange-gold light of the beeswax tapers gave her flesh a luminous quality, but she was oblivious to her face in the mirror.Her face mattered not, for, while her mother would tell her that her face was her fortune, she knew in her heart that it would be her downfall.Besides, she did not come to this part of the dungeons to admire her own face in the looking glass.

No, here, in the solitude of the potions supply room, her face was as unimportant as the sun rising in the morning.Both seemed to be rather relevant to some, but, in this dark room beneath the earth, they were both inconsequential.

She pulled a small vial out of one of the many drawers."If you're determined to see me dead, Voldemort, it will be on my terms.I won't die screaming," she promised, her voice resolute.

Looking across the supply shelves, she could see all that she needed for her task.Belladonna, arsenic, foxglove…Ah, yes, the most deadly potions fixings in the world, and they all were carefully placed on shelves before her.

"I won't let you kill me," she swore, remembering how the beady eyes had raked her before.She refused, steadfastly _refused_ to be a pawn in this stupid game that was being played.She wasn't going to let him kill her, nor was she going to let Lucius Malfoy degrade her.Not with his hands, nor his words.

"My name is Antonia Snape," she whispered, tossing in the toxic stem of the angel's trumpet for a good measure."You will not get an opportunity to lay those heavy Death Eater hands on me again._Any_ of you…"

Puffs of green and blue smoke filled the dungeon, while flashes of emerald and sapphire explosions lit her face from time to time.Her eyes had taken almost a manic expression, so fixed was her gaze._This_ was what she was born to do.Her life, her training…She was meant to spend her time in the dungeons, brewing the most toxic, no, the most deadly, of all potions.

A soft smile spread across her face as she gently stirred the evil witch's brew.The gentle humming that came from her could only be compared to a happy housewife singing as she cooked a delightful dinner for her family.This potion was her finest ever; it was the most important mixture that she'd ever brewed.While this potion may take her _own_ life in the end, it would save her sanity and her self-respect.

Antonia poured the mixture into the vial, her wand holding the cauldron and the tiny glass tube steady.Once it was full, she corked the small vial and tucked it in her pocket.She swore to never be without it.

No, those bastards would never catch her unaware.And should they use some disgusting manner of treachery to find her, she would be prepared.

She poured the rest of the potion into a larger vial and sealed it with another cork.But, of course, if she ever had to use the first vial of the poisonous brew that she'd made, she knew without a doubt that she'd never use the rest of it.No, this brew was definitely to be used only once.She just couldn't bare to see the rest of her beloved labor to be wasted.

Antonia waved her wand about and cleared her mess.Severus would never know that she'd been down here.

She held the potion up and let her eyes lovingly drink in the sight of the murky brown depths."What a wonderful poison," she whispered.How lovely it was.She had brewed it herself, in the darkness of night, with no deadly cookbooks and no prying eyes to assist her.This delightful dose of death was her own concoction.

And it was, without a doubt, the most potent potion that she had ever brewed.

"Let this be my lasting tribute," she murmured grimly, tucking the vials away in her robes.

With her trusty wand, she cast out the candle flames of the potions dungeon, and stalked back to the bedchamber that she shared with her sleeping husband._He must never know…_

She cast her robe onto the floor and slipped between the sheets.Severus's arm snaked out and pulled her against him.She kissed her husband's sleeping lips, loving to see his countenance peaceful with sleep.No, she was in no hurry to die.But she was not afraid of it.

He blinked once, then twice, and looked at his loving wife with sleepy eyes."I love you," he whispered, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"I love you, darling," she promised, sinking deeper into the comfort of his embrace.No, she most certainly did not want death to come for her.She wanted nothing more than to grow old with her husband, and to spend that long and aging life in the security of his arms.

She fell into fitful slumber, dreaming of herself with white hair and a slightly stooped posture, of Severus with white hair, and of Matthew and Jonathon as grown men, with their own children to look after.In her dream, the adults were sitting on the porch, while the children were running about the front lawn.She dreamt that one of the children was a little blond girl, with a band of fairies following her about…

Yes, she had very pleasant dreams that night, indeed…Except for the reptilian face with glowing red eyes that would spy upon her family from the shadows…

She awoke that morning to her husband's tears scalding her breasts.Noiselessly, he wept against her, clutching her as though he feared that she would disappear if his arms loosened their hold against her.

"What's wrong, my love?" she murmured sleepily, stroking his raven colored locks.

"My whole life, I've wanted someone that I could love, that I could have for an equal.And I have that.I have you."

"Shh," she whispered, wrapping her arms more firmly about him, one delicate hand still stroking his hair, the other on the pale flesh of his back."I'm not going anywhere.I've loved you my entire life.And I swore that I would remain by your side ''til death do us part'.And I meant it."

"I'm afraid that death will come too soon, Antonia."

"Death will come when it is ready.Don't be afraid of anything, Severus.Be brave; face down your enemies.Fearing it will not prevent it from coming to pass."

He turned and kissed her breast, that same wet spot where his tears had fallen only moments before."I don't want it to happen.I've lived my entire life in the shadows, and now I have you, my one ray of sunshine.You've made me happy.But, without you?The light goes out, and I'm in that darkness again."

"Do something for me, darling…Whenever you start to feel that darkness coming back over you, just remember how much I love you.I won't stop loving you after I'm dead.I love you, and that kind of love is eternal, just like this onyx that you gave me.I love you now."She kissed the top of his head gently, soothingly."I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorrow," she added, not remembering where that line originally came from.But it was the truth, and that was all that mattered.

"I would willingly die for you, Antonia," he promised, his black eyes boring into her blue ones.

"And I would do the same for you.But we don't have to worry about that, right now…We're both here, we're together.And, even better, we're alive."

_But for how long? _he wondered, but not daring to voice that thought to Antonia.She needed, he could see, to pretend that everything was happy and normal right now.He kissed her fingertips and rested his head back on her lovely breasts._But if that's what she needs, then so be it_.

"Don't you think we should go and join the other professors?" Antonia whispered.It was time for breakfast, and she was rather hungry…Late night love-fests and midnight trips to the dungeon could definitely cause a girl to work up an appetite.

"Not yet," he pleaded.He wasn't ready to relinquish her to the others, yet.It was far too early to share her.

She smiled, remembering a passage from one of Shakespeare's plays."Fear no more," she murmured.

"What?" he asked, looking up at his bride with confusion.

"This just seemed fitting.It's from _Cymbeline_."

"What's the entire quote?" he asked._Or do I really not want to know?_

She smiled obligingly and quoted:

# "Fear no more the heat o' the' sun

_Nor the furious winter's rages;_

_Though thy worldly task hast done,_

_Home art gone and ta'en thy wages._

_Golden lads and girls all must,_

_As chimney-sweepers, come to dust._

_ _

_"Fear no more the frown o' th' great;_

_Thou art past the tyrant's stroke._

_Care no more to clothe and eat;_

_To thee the reed is as the oak._

_The scepter, learning, physic, must_

_All follow this and come to dust._

_ _

_"Fear no more the lightning flash,_

_Nor th' all-dreaded thunderstone;_

_Fear no slander, censure rash;_

_Thou hast finished joy and moan._

_All lovers young, all lovers must_

_Consign to thee and come to dust."_

Snape gaped at his lover."Have you any idea how depressing that is?"

She smiled, her blue eyes twinkling with merriment."But the point of it is where the beauty comes, darling.While Cloten may have died in the play, his fear came to an end.Death is not the end.It is simply a new beginning without fear."She kissed him and added, "I rather thought that you would have been impressed by my memory of the classics, rather than bemoaning the finality of it all…" 

"I'd prefer it if you'd recite sonnets to me in bed, rather than excerpts involving the very thing that I wish to avoid…"

"What would you prefer, Severus?A bit of the thirty-second sonnet?'_If thou survive my well-contented day, When that churl Death my bones with dust shall cover…"_

"Uh, no.Actually, I was thinking something along the lines of the eighteenth sonnet…_'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?Thou art more lovely and more temperate…"_

She kissed his hooked nose and laughed. "If only that were the whole of it…"

"I know the whole of it," he shot back testily."But while I am lying in my bed with a beautiful blond witch, I prefer to remember the joy of poetry, rather than the death that it glorifies."

She stretched her arms above her head and said, "How about this one?This is from muggle music from the sixties…_'I thought love was only true in fairy tales…Meant for someone else, but not for me.Oh, love was out to get me… That's the way it seems…Disappointment haunted all my dreams…Then I saw her face… Now I'm a believer…"_

He gave her a crooked half-smile and said, "That's more like it… except that it's muggle trash that will not stand through the test of time."

Antonia raised her eyebrow."Need I remind you, darling, that Shakespeare was a muggle?"

At the sound of his silence, she pushed him off of her."Okay, that's enough.If your wife doesn't get some nourishment soon, she may very well die of hunger."

"Can't have that, now, can we?"He slipped out of the bed and watched Antonia do the same.As she seemed to glide across the floor to the wardrobe, he just couldn't shake the thought that she was poetry in motion.Every movement she made, no matter how slight, made her seem more beautiful.

He was rather surprised when she pulled a black robe out for herself.She wouldn't wear black, ever.Always said it was a mourning color, and there were no deaths that she was prepared to mourn at this time.

Yet, it was so.She turned to him, her face even more the color of alabaster, her eyes even more luminous within the pale confines of her face.

"Are you ready for breakfast, my love?" she purred, tying her hair back with a ribbon of old lace.

He forced a smile."Let's go."

They walked out of the room together, hands entwined."Oops, I forgot something.I'll be right down," she added.

"No, I'll wait," he offered.

Something in her eyes flickered."Okay," she said warily.

He started to follow her back in their bedchamber when she closed the door in his face. What was with her this morning?

In the bedchamber, Antonia was mentally kicking herself._First day you made it, and you don't have the damned bottle in your pocket_, a voice hissed.Another voice responded, _What's the big deal?You're going to the Great Hall for breakfast, and the Dark Lord isn't so stupid that he'd attack Hogwarts!_The other voice in her head rebutted._What did Mad-Eye Moody teach you, if nothing else?Constant vigilance!_

She hastily tucked the small vial of poison in her robes.She would never leave this bedchamber without it again. 


	15. Descent to the Maelstrom: The Pride and ...

A/N: see disclaimer in chapters 1-12.Special thanks to Tempesta for being my beloved muse and beta reader.

Amanita: So, the Monkees aren't your favorite, eh?Well, Severus agrees with you, but Antonia felt the need to give you the finger. ; )

Tessie: I loved your surprise for me…It was beautiful.J

Katie Weasley: Angelina's time will come, but not in this fic.

Kris: I think if I'd have made Antonia mary-sue-ish, she'd probably reach up and bitch slap me.

Gryffindor: You just gave me the most amaaaaazing praise!Thank you so very much!blushes

Roll of honor is at the end of the fic

And now, on with the show.

***********************************************************************************************

He woke up to hear a scream.It took him a moment to realize that it was himself.The Dark Mark on his arm was blacker than the night and it burned painfully."Antonia," he whispered, shaking his wife."Antonia, wake up."

She blinked sleepily and looked up at her husband."What?It's the middle of the night…You can't _possibly_ be waking me up for sex right now," she mumbled.

He gave her a half smile."I wish…The Master is calling.I have to go."

"I love you," she whispered.She kissed him gently and watched him slip out of bed.

"Tell Dumbledore that I've left.And don't leave the castle without Black."

She looked at him quizzically."_Sirius Black?"_Her voice displayed her incredulity.

"Yes, Sirius Black," he replied, spitting the name out like it tasted bad."I don't like the bastard, but he can take care of you while I'm gone."

She rolled on her side and watched him mournfully."I don't need to be taken care of.I need you.

"Hey," he called softly as he tied his typical black robe around him."I love you.And if someone else is around to take care of you and watch over you, I don't have to worry about you while I'm gone."

The Death Eater picked up his broom and stuffed his wand in his pocket."Miss me, okay?"

A beautiful smile spread across her face.It was a smile filled with love and affection for him.That was a smile that would see him through the night with the other Death Eaters."You know I will," she promised.

He tossed the floo powder into the fireplace and walked into the green flames.Then, he was gone.

He was alone in the north tower.Like a thief in the night, he launched himself on his broom and set out to Hogsmeade.Severus spent most of that time repeating in his head _Don't look down, don't look down…_The man was terrified of heights.(Why do you think he only refereed _one _quidditch game?)

Fifteen minutes later, he made it to Hogsmeade.He hid his broomstick behind The Three Broomsticks and disapparated.

He found himself in his place in the master's circle, crouching at the Dark Lord's feet.

"Tonight, my children, is a very special night," the Dark Lord announced."Tonight, we shall overtake the Dementors and bring home Amanita and Bertrand Lestrange.They chose to go to Azkaban, rather than to betray or denounce me.Such loyalty must be rewarded."His air of righteousness and grandiosity was infectious among his followers.

_To face the Dementors…_ he thought.Gods, how he was terrified of them.What, he wondered, would he hear when they came upon him?How long would it take him to go mad?He braced himself against the involuntary shudder that racked his body.

"Come, my children!" Voldemort cried, rousing his Death Eaters to great spirit."Let us rescue your brother and sister, and bring them the glory that their loyalty has earned!"

The Death Eaters cheered madly, excited by the prospect of bringing two of the most exalted members of their family back to their midst.

Snape, however, forced his cheer, though he'd rather do nothing than rush back to Hogwarts and disappear with his wife and children… _er, _her_ children_, he hastily corrected.

The Dark Lord droned on and on, endlessly, about the wonders of being a Death Eater, and seeing the wizard world be restored to its position of superiority over the muggles, the mudbloods, the muggle lovers, and everyone else who disagreed with the Dark Lord's manifesto .Severus, however, was wondering what it would be like to have a child of his own with his wife._Not,_ he amended, _that her sons aren't wonderful children… and even learning how to finally mix a damned potion, but still…_

__"Let us go, and free my faithful supporters," he encouraged."We shall bring the Dementors back to our side, for our aims are theirs.We shall make the Dark Mark the most feared and respected spell in the history of wizardry!"

The Death Eaters rose to their feet and apparated to the island.

***

Antonia rolled out of bed.It was icy cold this morning, and Hogwarts was bathed in snow.Christmas break approached, bringing forth new and happy possibilities.She was excited.It would be her first Christmas at Hogwarts, and her first Christmas as Severus Snape's wife.

She wanted to go to Hogsmeade today, with the rest of the students.Actually, she'd rather go to Hogsmeade and apparate to London, so she could bring home some Christmas presents for Severus and the children.She knew that this would be the best Christmas that she'd had in a long time.

The fae, however, were not enjoying the cold.No, the little buggers were shivering in the air before the fire, which was improving the temperature and burning out some of the dampness in the dungeon where she dwelled.

"You guys are a bunch of pansies!" she laughed.She summoned her dressing gown over to her, and slipped in on beneath the covers.She found it rather difficult to find amusement in _anything_, since Severus was gone, but she would try to be happy.

She dressed herself in a heavy robe the color of emeralds and put on her warmest shoes over a pair of thick, woolen socks.As soon as Antonia dug out her cloak, she remembered her husband's admonitions.She was not to leave the castle without Sirius.

"Damn," she cursed.What the Hell did it matter if she went out alone?After all, the Death Eaters were a little busy, right?

"You win, Severus," she said aloud to the empty air.

Antonia trudged up the stairs to go have breakfast in the Great Hall with the rest of the staff.

***

Severus heard the screams of the inmates, mixed in with their wails and sobs.There was, he knew, not much left of some of them.He could feel the happiness seeping out of him, and a cold misery being left in its place as they approached that desolate castle on the peak of the island.

A Dementor glided over to them, its breath rattling in its chest.Voldemort spoke."We have come to ask you to return to our side," he announced.The Dementors had no effect on him.Perhaps that was because the Dark Lord himself was every bit as cold as those Dementors. 

The lone Dementor lowered its hood…

"I think you will reconsider," the master hissed at the lowering hood."I can do better than drive you off with a pitiful little Patronus Charm.I can destroy you."

The skeletal fingers slowly pulled the hood back into its proper place.

"Very wise of you, my friend," Voldemort hissed.

He turned to the Death Eaters."Go, my children.Release those that would support me.The ones that will not?Let the Dementors have their way with them." 

They scattered throughout the forbidding castle that was only spoken of with fear. 

Oh, how Severus hated it here.He hated the thick stone walls, besmeared with dried blood and covered with a growth of thick, hairy mold.He hated the dampness that seeped through the stone, nearly into the very marrow of his bones.But the most torturous aspect of all was the loss of hope.What was it that Dante had written in _The Inferno_?What was that sign above the entrance as Virgil escorted the Pilgrim into Hell?Ah, yes…"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

_Dante_, he thought grimly, _must have been a wizard._After all, how could anyone so accurately depict the agony of those losing their very minds, as well as their very souls, without having witnessed it in a place such as this?

A Dementor approached him from behind.He could feel the monstrosity, the error of the gods, before he could see it.He couldn't help but hear the screams of those that he'd killed in the past.Severus felt himself drop to his knees.The uneven stones cut painfully into his legs.He pressed his hands over his ears, trying to block out the unearthly sounds of those death screams.

He dug deeply within himself, desperately searching for a happy memory.Something, anything…_Antonia's smile_, he thought."_Expecto Patronum!"_he cried, pointing his wand at the horrendous creature now before him.

Out of the tip of his wand came a whiff of smoke…That smoke was changing to a shape…Antonia, a smoky and hazy Antonia, but it was her, none the less…She glided through the air to the Dementor, and then the Dementor let out a final rattling sound…She glided closer to it, not just driving away the Dementor but she was…

She was destroying it.The Dementor shuddered once more, and dissolved into nothingness.The only thing that remained of the Dementor was its foul black robes and its bony hands.

"I love you, Antonia," he said to the Patronus as she turned to him.

She smiled at him, love and affection mixed in with the breathtaking beauty of her countenance.Then, she disappeared.

***

Sirius Black joined the staff at the table for breakfast on the weekends.He was always happy to see Antonia when she strolled in the room.

"Good morning," she murmured pleasantly to the other professors.

"Where's Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"He didn't tell you?"She'd certainly thought that he would.

A look of understanding crossed the headmaster's face."Ah, yes.I am aware of Severus's absence."

The teachers all chattered about this and that, not really noticing Sirius's protective stance over the blond witch beside him. 

"Sirius, please," she hissed."Must you hover so?"

"I'm not taking any chances," he responded grimly.

She sighed."Do you want to go to London with me?I have some shopping to do for Severus and the boys for Christmas."

"Antonia, you shouldn't even leave the castle!" Sirius replied shortly._The woman,_ he thought, _is barking mad.Death Eaters on the march, and she wants to go shopping…_

"I know you're worried about the big, bad Death Eater brigade."Antonia made them sound as harmless as the Salvation Army asking donations."But, really, darling, I'm sure they're busy doing more dastardly things than trying to accost a shopping woman."

"I wouldn't," he said shortly."Not when that shopping woman is you."

"I'm going shopping," Antonia announced in a voice that left no room for argument."All that remains is to determine whether or not you wish to accompany me on my little expedition."

It was Sirius's turn to sigh."Yes, I'll go with you.But that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

***

Severus pulled himself up to his feet, reprimanding himself for being such a ninny.To collapse before a Dementor…Ugh.He hoped that none of the other Death Eaters would hear of this.

He dusted himself off and resolutely forced his feet to move.Further into the dank misery of the prison he went.

He drew a breath, careful not to breathe too deeply.He was used to unusual odors from his potions laboratory; in fact, he often savored them.But here, the smell of fear, urine, and unwashed bodies permeated the air.And, to his dismay, the farther back in the dark corridors he went, the heavier the stench became.

In the cells, he found them.Yes, they were filthy, and their hair had grown shaggy and matted with neglect.Yes, they reeked to high heaven, and their eyes had taken on a vacant quality…But it was them.He had found the Lestranges.

Did he let them out, so that those two lunatics could wreak havoc on the world once more?After all, fourteen years in Azkaban couldn't have helped their dispositions…Or, did he risk everything and just kill them on the spot? 

He closed his eyes and thought of Antonia.If he killed them, then he would be no better than the rest of the Death Eaters.Not only that, but the Dark Lord would kill them both for his treachery.If he let them out?Well, he could count on Black and Dumbledore to keep her safe.And, surely, Antonia would obey his instructions to stay on the grounds…Wouldn't she?

***

Antonia and Sirius walked through Diagon Alley together, his arm protectively wrapped around her.Of course, there was little to no danger of anyone recognizing her, so heavily bundled in cloaks was she.

"Do you know what you want?" Sirius pushed.

"I was thinking about a broomstick for both of the boys…Maybe a Nimbus 2001.I can't get them _both_ Firebolts for Christmas without going back to work for the ministry."

"Broomsticks for them both?Okay.Anything else?"

"New robes, of course.And we'll have to stop by Honeyduke's and bring home tons of chocolate frogs for them," she smiled.

"Another time," Sirius said nervously."I don't want to be out too long.It's bad enough we're out here at all."

"My children will _not_ be deprived of Christmas just because Lord Voldemort is on the loose."

Gods, he was amazed at her.A woman so tiny and delicate should be docile, right?"Then _I_ can go to Honeyduke's for you, once you're back at the school.You don't have to come with me for that."

She sighed.Antonia knew that she would have to pick her battles wisely with this man, and candy from Honeyduke's was not worth it."And I think I want to get Severus some new vials for the potions lab…And whatever else catches my fancy for him."

Sirius rolled his eyes."The man is a viscous bastard, Antonia.I will never understand what you see in him…"

"I love him.And that's enough.You've never understood, Sirius.You've seen us together constantly since June, and here it is, six months later, and you still question it."

He shook his head."I suppose I always will.I know that you could do better…"_I would take you from him in a second, Antonia.You've always meant something to me…Perhaps it's because you're the only one that ever refused me…_

"I can't do better than a man that loves me," she replied firmly.Her tone left no room for argument, and the subject was closed.

They walked into the apothecary and were greeted by the smell of something resembling rotten eggs.She hated that vile smell that permeated all apothecaries of the wizarding world.But the treasures that were there for her to choose from made it tolerable.

She pointed out the crystal vials."Look at the craftsmanship in that…I've never seen such a work of beauty…"She had to have them for him."And that platinum cauldron…He'll never _use_ it, but it's so very beautiful," she sighed.

She paid the gold for those possessions and requested that they be shipped to Hogwarts.Of course, the apothecary agreed.

"There.We've done that.We've ordered the brooms.Are we ready to go back to Hogsmeade?" Black pressed.

"Not yet," she replied, eying Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.

Sirius groaned."You're going to take me _dress shopping?_"

"Yes.Of course, you _are_ welcome to head back without me at any time…"

"No.We'll go dress shopping."

She smiled triumphantly as he walked into the shop with her, his arm still around her.He looked around him, carefully checking to see if any Death Eater wives were in the shop.

Mercifully, the shop was empty of any other patrons, save themselves.Antonia was eyeballing a set of silk robes, a beautiful ice blue color."What do you think of those?"

Sirius swallowed tightly."Why don't you try them on?" he suggested, his voice a little hoarse.

She emerged from the dressing room, looking all the more like a heavenly creation.The robes were slightly off the shoulder, tightly fitting her arms down to her elbows, where the silk flared out to bells.The bodice of the gown hugged her full breasts and clung to her tiny waist, where the material then fell down to her feet in a delicate pool of silk.

"You…"He cleared his throat."You look beautiful."

She smiled."You think so?"

"Yeah…"

Antonia looked at the price tag on the robes and squeaked."No way.I like them, but not that much."

"Why?I've seen your robes.You've bought some outrageously expensive ones, before."

"Yeah, and I was a ministry official, then, too.I made the money to have those robes."

Madam Malkin bustled over to Antonia and gasped."Good heavens, those robes were _made_ for you!"

"Yeah, well, they weren't made for my budget.Not today, thank you," she declined politely, slipping back into the dressing room.

When she emerged, Antonia saw Sirius and Madam Malkin speaking in hushed tones."Um, if I may interrupt the two of you, I _do_ need to get some robes for my husband and children…"

When they left, her robe orders for her children and for Severus had been placed and paid for.Sirius put his arm around her and gave her a package."I really thought that you deserved this," he murmured, watching her open it.

Inside the small box were the ice silk robes.

***

He swallowed.His heart was pounding in his ears…He raised his wand._"Alohomora!"_

He heard the lock on the cell release.The door slowly swung open with a heavy _creeeaaaaakk!_

And they were there.Before him stood two of the most terrifying Death Eaters to fall under the grace of the Dark Lord.They didn't look too scary then, though.No, one would be too overpowered by the ghastly odor that clung to them to find them frightening.

"The Dark Lord has returned," Severus announced.

A maniacal cackle emitted from the witch."I knew that our years of loyalty to the master would pay off."She stumbled forth, out of the cell that she shared with her husband.He staggered out after her.

Amanita…She had been a lovely woman with coal-black hair before she'd come to this hell hole.She was the prize of all Death Eaters with her flashing blue eyes and her rapier wit.Now?All those curves had left.She no longer stood to a glorious height that rivaled his own.No, she now stood rather hunched over, thin as a rail.Her black curls had grayed while in the prison.Now, it tangled down her back, rather resembling Spanish moss.The witch's blue eyes were vacant.Amanita Lestrange was now just a malicious shell of her own self.

He took in Bertrand, who was by her side.He no longer had his friendly-looking potbelly, nor did he have his old handlebar mustache.No, he was now thin, with no sign of that happy belly having ever existed.A thin sliver of drool trickled down the disgusting beard that hung from Bertrand's face.His hair, once a honey color, was now the color of iron.

Bertrand Lestrange would no longer be fearsome to anyone.

"Come, darling," she coaxed in her raspy voice.She held out a gnarled hand to her husband, and he took it.

It had been done._He_, Severus Snape, had accomplished it.The Lestranges were free once more.

So, how was that for an ending?Write up a review and let me know what you think.

Oh, yeah… I've been meaning to do this for about the last fourteen chapters, but I thought I'd finally get around to crediting all the people/groups that Tempesta and I filched names from.

My Antonia: Willa Cather;Descent to the Maelstrom: Edgar Allen Poe;Breaking the Girl: Red Hot Chili Peppers;Beauty and the Beast: take a guess;There's Something About Antonia: variation of the movie _There's Something About Mary_;In Lover's Eyes: William Shakespeare's sonnet 55; A Simple Kind of Life: No Doubt;The Art of War: an incredibly old text by Lao-Tzu;Godfather Death and the Angel of Light: inspired by Terry Pratchett's characterization of Death;The Pride and Prejudice: Jane Austen… I think that about does it.

And the reviewers… thanks so much!Amanita Lestrange, Tessie, Alicia Johnson w&m_law, PotterLovingAsh, Katie Weasley, rushumble, Lindsay Beth, Kris the Intrepid Geek Queen (I love that name),Gryffindor, and Whitebears


	16. Descent to the Maelstrom: Much Ado About...

A/N:See any chapter up to 12 for disclaimer. 

Okay, guys, ff.net is being evil once more.They've disabled the hit counter, so I have no idea how many people are reading my story unless you review.I don't even expect anything earth shattering and thought provoking from you… just a simple "I 

wuz here" will work for me…So, please stroke my fragile ego and just let me know that you've read it?

Other fic writers or fan artists, I've started a website for my fics because of ff.net being evil so very often.If you'd like to have your stuff put up or linked from my site (since the first page is primarily links to fics within the site, why not link to a few outside of it?), just send me an email at [redwitch96@aol.com][1]

Tempesta, you, my darling, are my beloved muse and beta reader.Thanks so much for the help and inspiration.

W&m_law: Yep, I sure am.An English Education major, to be precise.J

Prue/Alica: Thanks so very much.It's good to know that I'm in good company.

Amanita Lestrange: I don't think your cameo is even **close** to being over with, yet.I still have some uses for your schizio self and your doddering old fool of a husband. 

Katie Weasley: Do we share the same brain or something?

Tessie: Thanks for taking the time to email me when ff.net was being stupid.This chapter is for you… and I think it's got just enough mushy stuff to be perfect for you.Hehe.J

Hazle Lang: Antonia, Snape, and Voldie have all informed me that they aren't through with me, yet.What with all three of them pointing their wands and preparing to use the killing curse, I'm in no position to argue.

PotterLovingAsh: So sorry for the delay.My computer had some really fucked up error, and it refused to open my windows.I had to salvage my files out of safe mode, save to disk, and delete my hard drive.sighBut, now that my computer is up, hopefully, I can start churning out the chapters again.J

The roll of honor is at the bottom.And now, on with our fic…

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Antonia tossed her packages down on the bed and sank down in a leather chair.The fire was blazing, and the candles were lit.The fairies, bless them, had kept themselves busy, using their magic to hang up the laundry that she'd left in a careless heap that morning.

She looked at the parcel on her bed.She still couldn't believe what Sirius had done…

# "I thought you deserved this…" he murmured softly, handing her a flattish rectangular box in brown wrapping.

_She opened the parcel and saw those beautiful silk robes."Sirius," she protested, her voice conveying her flattery and irritation in the same breath, " you shouldn't have."As sweet as his doting nature was, it got rather old rather quickly.Quite frankly, she was getting sick and tired of his smooth attempts at gaining her favor.What would it take for him to get it through his head that she was happily married?More importantly, how would Severus react when he saw them?She couldn't very well take them _back_ to Madam Malkin's…She was stuck with the damned robes, and, as nice as they were, she'd never be able to wear them.At least, not without sending her husband into a murderous rage._

_"I wanted to," he replied.His black eyes burned as they swept her form._

"No, you really shouldn't have," she rebutted as they walked out of the shop.How could he have done that?Did he not think that she was capable of taking care of herself, or did he believe that Severus would have her run about in threadbare rags?

_"Are you ready to apparate?" her protector asked, trying to change the subject._

_"Fine, but that doesn't mean that I can't just pick up where I left off when we get back to Hogsmeade…"Antonia's voice promised that she most certainly would._

_They both apparated._

_In Hogsmeade, they both landed at the edge of the town."Do you have any idea how insulted you made me feel when you bought those robes for me?" Antonia demanded._

_"I wasn't trying to do that…I just wanted to do something nice for you."At the hurt puppy look on his face, she nearly melted._No, _Antonia reprimanded herself_, stay firm, or he'll be doing these things until one of you dies.And if he keeps doing this, Severus may very well kill him.

_Instead, she kept going on her current I'm-really-pissed-off-at-you train of thought."What you did was say that I'm in such a sad financial state that you feel the need to buy my robes for me.You said that my husband cannot take care of my needs, so you must do so.Or, she could have taken that to mean that I am your mistress, and you are keeping your whore in proper garments.Regardless, it was improper.I can't accept them."_

They walked together, heading for the castle, as they talked.

_"I'm sorry.I didn't mean to insult you.It isn't about what Snape can do for you or what you can do for yourself.I just thought…"_

_"You didn't think," she sniffed._

_"No, Antonia, I _did_ think.I thought that you were beautiful, and that those robes were perfect for you.Even though you could buy them yourself, I could see that you weren't going to.And I thought it would be a disservice to allow some other woman to buy those robes, when they wouldn't look _half_ as good on her as they did on you…"_

_He grasped her hand she stiffened.By the hurt look on his face, Antonia knew that he felt it, too."Perhaps, Sirius, you should keep in mind that I _am_ married… to someone else."_

_"I know… and I can't help but think that you wouldn't be if I hadn't been such an idiot at the Yule Ball," he confessed._

_Antonia pulled her tiny hand out of his large one."It doesn't matter.I love Severus.I've always loved Severus.And he's the one that I would have ended up with, no matter how things turned out."_

_"You don't know that," he insisted._

_"Yes, I do.Even if David hadn't died, I would still be with Severus, because I loved him all along.Even if Lily and James didn't die, even if you never went to Azkaban.Even if you'd been a perfect gentleman at that dance.None of that would have made a difference.I loved Severus before all of that.And I love him now."_

_"I could have won you over, you know."His voice was warm and mellow, and it ran over her senses like melted butter._

_She shook her head."There's a reason why you want me, darling, and it has nothing to do with me.You want what you can't have.I'm the only girl who's ever turned you down."_

_"That's not true," he protested._

_She smiled impishly at him, paying no attention to the winter breeze that slowly pushed back at her hood."You mean other girls out there have turned you down?"_

_He smiled back at her."No.You're the only one.But that's not why I want you.And that's not why I can't stop until I have you."_

_A sudden gust of wind blew, knocking off her hood and nearly pushing her off her feet.Sirius put a hand on her shoulder to steady her."You're wrong.The great attraction isn't my face or my body, like it is with most.With you, it's that you've found the one that you can't seduce.For someone who lives solely by seduction, that can be a terrible thing."_

_He wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his strong embrace.Sirius Black, for being such a large man, was incredibly gentle with her.He tilted her chin up with one finger and brought his face down to hers."I could seduce you," he murmured, his breath soft and warm on her face.."In the right time, and the right place, I could tempt you beyond anything else."_

_"Please," she whispered, her voice swept away in the cold wind, "let me go."Another lifetime, one before Severus, a voice like that may have been enough to carry her off to bed.But not now._

_He pushed a blond lock away from her face and pulled her hood back up as he released her._

_Antonia was very relieved when the main entrance to Hogwarts loomed before them…_

_ _

She saw the cheerful orange blaze of the fire turn green and leaped to her feet."Severus?"

His tall, lanky figure stepped out of the fireplace.The potions master looked as though he'd aged ten years in his ten hour absence.He barely looked at her as he walked in her direction.

She thought he was going to walk past her and isolate himself in his own private anguish, but he surprised her.He stopped just before her and said, "I've just unleashed the demons of the underworld."His voice was hollow; his hands were like ice when she grasped them.

"Shh," she murmured, her voice soothing."Whatever it is that happened, you did what you thought was best."Antonia reached up and unfastened the clasp on his cloak, letting it fall to the floor.The fae gave her an annoyed glance as they hung it back in the wardrobe, but Antonia remained oblivious to them.

He shook his head and sat down in the chair by the fire."The Lestranges are free, again, and Amanita has gone completely mad in that hellhole.She'll be more monstrous than before…"He buried his face in his hands, still stunned at what his fellow Death Eaters had become.

Antonia sighed.Amanita Lestrange was a homicidal bitch when she was relatively _sane_…What would she be like now, while still under the servitude of the Dark Lord?"You did the only thing that you could have done, darling," she murmured, kneeling at his feet before him.She unlaced his heavy, black boots and set them beside the chair.

"I could have killed them," he replied flatly.

She smiled softly and shook her head."No, you couldn't.Because you aren't like that.You have thoughts and feelings and, yes, even morals.Even if you don't like to admit it to yourself."

He looked away from her, staring absently into the fire.

She wanted to shake him."Severus, please.You have to listen to me," she pleaded.His eyes still held that lost look, but they were focused on her. "What good would it have done for you to not free them?If you hadn't, someone else would have.If you'd killed them, you would have been killed for it.

"You're providing an incomparable service to the resistance, darling.You are a spy.A spy, not a kamikaze soldier.It is your job to stay at the side of the Dark Lord, but not to die for it.We need someone brave and strong like you.We need someone that can let our side know what the bastard is up to.That someone is you.Without you?We're blind."

He closed his eyes and looked away from her, remote once more.

All thoughts of Sirius and that blasted robe were forgotten.All that mattered right now was that Severus had lost himself in his own private Hell.And Antonia's heart was breaking over it.

She could bring him out of it.She had to.

Slowly, she stretched up from the floor and slid into his lap.His eyes flickered over to her for a moment before he redirected his gaze to the roaring blaze of the fire.His arms wrapped around her, almost reflexively, as she turned and straddled him, her legs bent at the knee.

"Tough day at the office?" she murmured seductively.

"The worst," he sighed as her lips closed over his earlobe.

"I'm sure I can come up with _something_ to make it all better," she teased, her lips moving down his neck.She worked on opening his robes at the same time.Her lips blazed a trail down his chest, lower, lower, and lower still as she slid out of his lap.

She felt his fingers tangle in her hair as she teased him with her mouth and her tongue.She heard the sounds he was making, as though he'd temporarily been unable to intake any oxygen.

"Antonia…" he breathed.His fingers were biting into her shoulders, pulling her up his body, which was now slick with sweat.

She found herself back in his lap, one arm cradling her against him, his other arm furiously working with his hand to get her robes off.The chill of the November air rushed over her own flesh, which was now feverishly hot under Severus's fingertips.

She heard a whimper, and realized that it was from her own throat._Gods_, she thought fleetingly, focusing on how wonderful his mouth felt.A kiss here, a touch there…He was driving her mad.

Antonia turned and sat facing Severus, her legs on either side of his, folded at the knee.She paid no mind to the arm of the chair; it was padded and it wasn't bothering her a bit.Besides…There were more pressing matters at that time…

She leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips.Severus's own hands were shoving off her robes and pulling her against him, his long fingers splayed over the bare flesh of her back.

She felt her bare flesh against his chest, enamored with the feeling of his heart pounding against her chest.With one hand, he held her against him, the other hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back.His lips moved down her chin, down her neck, suckling and nipping at the sensitive flesh.

She gasped as his lips moved down her breasts.When she pulled him inside her, everything else but the two of them together had been forgotten.

He held her close, the two of them still in that antique wing backed chair.

"I love you, Severus Snape," she whispered, thoroughly winded.

"I love you," he replied, resting her head on his shoulder.

The two settled in a companionable silence.

After some time, Antonia found herself getting stiff, and stood up before her husband.

"How did you get that bruise on your leg?" Severus asked, seeing a horrible blue-black stain mar the white flesh of her thigh.

She glanced down."Oh, that.The chair, I think," she shrugged.As easily as she bruised, what was one more?

His gaze shifted over to the bed."What's this?" he asked, staring at a parcel on top of the green coverlet.

"Oh, that…"She looked at the floor, the ceiling, the fireplace…Her eyes went everywhere, except to Snape."It's a, uh, new set of robes."

He opened the box and lifted the garment out of its bed of tissue paper."They're beautiful… but I thought you weren't going to buy anymore robes, since you aren't making Ministry of Magic salary anymore?"

"I didn't," she mumbled, her voice so low and fast that he could barely understand her.

"Excuse me?" he replied, knowing that something was up."If you bought the robes, darling, I'm not going to be angry with you.After all, it's your money, and I have more than enough in the bank to support you and the boys, as well."His voice was smooth like silk, comforting and soothing.She knew that coaxing voice so well.

Still, she couldn't lie to him…Leave out details?Certainly.But lie to him when he directly asked a question?That, unfortunately, was beyond her capabilities."I didn't buy the robes," she replied stiffly.

"Then who did?" he pressed.

"Darling, does it really matter?" she responded lightly.She moved to take the robes and put them away, but he snatched it up out of her reach.

"Who, Antonia," he pressed.His eyes were cold, his voice hard.

"Sirius," she admitted.

"Why did he feel the need to buy you such an obviously expensive gift?" Severus replied waspishly.

"I tried it on at Madam Malkin's when I did my shopping today…You said that you didn't want me to leave the castle unattended.So, I listened to you.I made Sirius come with me."

"I didn't want you to leave the castle at _all!_" he snapped, his voice icy cold.

"I had Christmas shopping to do," Antonia replied angrily."I _do_ still have two boys that life goes on for.I'm not going to hide in the castle like a damned child.I took Sirius with me.I didn't go alone.I followed your instructions, and this is how you behave."

She turned her back on Severus."Maybe next time, I'll fucking take my chances with the Dark Lord.The reception from _him_ can't be any worse than the attitude that you've given me."

"You leave with Sirius.You come back with new dress robes, and an ugly bruise on your thigh.What the Hell am I supposed to think?"

"You bastard," she hissed, snatching up her fallen robes.She refused to stand before him, without a stitch of clothing on, while he accused her of being unfaithful."You think I would betray you like that, then make love to you in the very same afternoon?"

"Perhaps not," he snarled."But Black felt the need to give you the damned robes for some reason.I'd like to know what that reason is."

He hastily pulled on his own robes and stormed out of the room, the ice blue robes in his fists.

When Snape arrived at Black's room, he hadn't calmed down any.No, if anything, he was even more enraged, just picturing the ex-convict's hands on his wife._I'll kill him.I'll fucking kill him._

There was no warning knock.Severus flung the door open to Sirius Black's chamber and found Black calmly smoking a cigarette while reading Tolkein's _Lord of the Rings_.

Sirius looked up, stunned at the force of his door slamming into the wall."What the Hell?Don't you know how to knock, Snape?"

"Don't you know how to keep your filthy hands off of my wife?" Snape countered, flinging the dress robes in Black's face.

"I have yet to lay a hand on her," Sirius protested."When I _do_ finally have her, though, she'll never go back to you again."

Snape withdrew his wand from his pocket.He didn't want to curse Black, though.No, he had this feeling that he would receive far more satisfaction in ripping Black's appendages off with his bare hands."I'll kill you, first," Snape hissed. 

"Better men than you have tried and failed, you slimy bastard."

Enraged, Snape pointed his wand at his tormentor."_Avada Kedav_…"He stopped himself."I could kill you very easily.Don't tempt me," he added coldly.

At that, Severus turned and walked out of the room.

"Snape!" Black called out, poking his head out in the hall.

Severus stopped and turned.

"Come back in here.But leave your wand by the door, this time," Sirius insisted.

"I don't know if it's a good idea for me to be in the same country with you right now, let alone in the same room," Severus declined, his voice tight.

"I survived Azkaban.I think I can handle an unarmed Death Eater," Black replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

He gave his rival a hateful glare, but followed him in the room, anyway.

"Sit," Black ordered, taking Snape's wand at the door.

He sat on that same old loveseat, and proceeded to glare at Black endlessly.

"Just so you know, there's nothing going on between Antonia and me.I'm crazy about her.I think I've always been in love with her, ever since that time we went to the Yule Ball together as students.I bought her the robes.I admit it.Is that the reason that you were ready to kill me?"He said all of this as casually as one might discuss the weather.

"It was insulting," Snape answered, his voice clipped."You behave as though I cannot provide for my wife and family.And you seem certain that Antonia will leave me for you.That you cannot even respect the vows that she took before the gods does not speak highly of you."

"I go after what I want.That's one thing that spending 13 years in prison taught me.Don't wait for what you want, because it might not be there tomorrow."

Snape nodded sadly."I understand that.Just as you understand that, not only would I die for her, but I'd kill for her."

"As much as you hate me, though, you know that she's safe when she's with me…"

"I just don't know if she's safe from you," the potions master remarked, his tone bitter.

Black shrugged."I'd never hurt her.I want her.If she decides to respond, then that's her choice.I'm certainly not going to turn her down…And she'll realize that I'm the right one for her.Sad for you, but true."

He felt sick.In the last hour, he'd accused his wife of adultery, nearly killed a man, and was now wondering if she'd be better off with someone else._Of course she would,_ he thought bitterly._Someone else isn't likely to get her killed._

"Just…I need to go.I'm sure _my wife_ is waiting for me."Severus stood up."I'll just let myself out."He grabbed his wand off the table on his way out the door.

"Don't forget these," Black called out, the robes floating down the hall to Snape.

Cursing, he snatched them out of the air and brought them back up the stairs with him.

He trudged back up to his room, wondering if she was still there.How long would she remain?

He opened the door to their bedchamber and saw shadows cast by the fireplace dancing on the walls.The candles had been snuffed, but the fireplace still had a nice healthy blaze.That alone illuminated the room.my 

She wasn't in the chairs by the fireplace, nor was she by the table.Had she left him? 

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the rustling of sheets.She hadn't left him, after all.

"Are you coming to bed or not?" she asked, sounding relieved and annoyed at the same time.

"Are you still angry with me?" he asked, tossing the robes on the table.He really wanted to throw them in the fire.

"You accused me of cheating on you.What do you think?" she rebutted.He heard her shuffling things on her nightstand table."_Cremare,"_ the witch instructed.

The room was bathed in the soft light of candles.He would never cease to be amazed at how much lovelier she was under candlelight."I was… I didn't…" he stuttered feebly.His voice grew stronger and more biting when he spoke again, "You come home with huge bruises and new dress robes after a day out with Sirius Black.What was I supposed to think?"

She tossed back the covers and lifted a candle so that the flickering little flame cast its warm glow over the ugly bruise."Look at this, Severus.This is a new bruise, and it's right where the chair was against my leg.Oh, and look, it the same shape as the wooden curl on that chair we had sex in this afternoon, too.I can't believe you accuse me of infidelity because you find a bruise acquired from our own romps."

He sighed."I know.I know what happened and I…You aren't going to make me say it, are you?"

"Yes," she sniffed petulantly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, snuffing out the candles with his wand.

"Severus, I don't understand why you would think that I would do that?Don't you trust me at _all_?" she whispered as he slid into bed beside her.

"It's not that I don't trust you…"_It's just that I'm not…I'm not Sirius Black, who always gets the girl,_ he thought.

"Sirius Black can dream about me until Doomsday, for all I care, darling.I don't care for him at all in that way.He is my friend, and he'll never be anything more than that.You know why?"

Severus lay on his back, staring at the dark ceiling.He was silent, but he hoped she'd continue._This better be good, _he thought.

She continued, "Because I'm not in love with him.I never have been.I never will be.You're the only one that I've ever been in love with.And I've always been in love with you.I'm not going to throw that away for something stupid, like Sirius not understanding that he _can't_ have any girl that he wants.He can't have me.I'm not willing to be the pretty girl on his arm.I don't want anyone else but you, Severus."

He remained silent, but he wrapped his arms around her.She was nearly asleep when he kissed her temple and whispered, "I love you, Antonia."

He didn't see the tiny smile that spread across her face.

Thanks for reviewing me…w&m_law, Prue Halliwell, Amanita Lestrange, Katie Weasley, Hazle Lang, Tom Riddilpley, Rushumble, Whitebears, PotterLovingAsh…

Damn it!Oh, yeah, I almost forgot…The title of this chapter is from Shakespeare.

   [1]: mailto:redwitch96@aol.com



	17. Descent to the Maelstrom: As You Like It

A/N:See some of the earlier chapters for a disclaimer.I'm over writing it.If you read, please review…ff.net disabled the hit counter, and so a review is the only way I have of knowing if anyone has read.So, please, say something, even if it's just that you think Antonia's a drunken slut and I have no talent.(Of course, I'd hate that, and I'd really prefer a simple "I wuz here" just so I know that someone showed up if you have nothing more to offer…)

The roll of honor is at the bottom.And now, on with the story…

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She looked at her students, a row after row of Gryffindors."Okay, guys, on that note, your homework for vacation will be a paper on wraiths.Four rolls of parchment." 

She smiled at the groans of protest and said, "You have all of break to do this.I'm sure you can manage.Just have a good time at the Yule Ball tonight, and don't get caught," she said, an impish grin across her face as she looked at the seventh years.

The Weasley twins' ears turned red as they looked at Angelina Bell and Katie Johnson.

"Class dismissed," she breathed, flinging open the doors with a wave of her wand.

***

"Can't we sit this out?" Severus asked, looking at Dumbledore from the staff table.

"Severus, please.I've been telling you for the last thirteen years, you _must_ show up at the Yule Ball.Even having fun is allowed," Dumbledore replied, a twinkle in his blue eyes.

"You don't want to go to the Ball with me?" Antonia pouted.

The other members of the faculty sniggered at the petulance in her voice and the lengths to which Severus would go in order to please this woman.

"Antonia, it's not that I don't want to go with _you_…I just plain don't want to _go_," he protested.

"That's okay, Sevie, you don't have to go," she cooed in a sticky sweet voice."I'm sure Sirius Black will be most delighted to escort me…Especially if I wear those silk robes…"

"I'm going to the Ball," he snarled, baring his teeth."I will wear my best robes and be ready to escort you with a smile."Honestly, he looked more like he wanted to bite her.

"Thank you, darling," she replied, looking up at him with undisguised adoration.

"Snape, I think she's got yeh trained," Hagrid teased in his booming voice.He did adore Antonia, even back in her days as a student.

Antonia smiled angelically."Now, Hagrid, I don't _train_ my spouse.I simply ask him politely and use logic to make my point.He then decides as he sees fit."

Severus looked only slightly mollified at that."I still don't want to go, and I'll have a miserable time."

"How could yeh not go an' 'ave a good time?Yeh'll 'ave one of the prettiest girls as yer date," Hagrid pointed out.

Severus looked at his wife appraisingly."Well," he began slowly, "I suppose she'll do…But we'll have to clean her up, first."

"Beast!" she laughed, swatting him playfully.

He snatched up her hand and kissed her fingertips."Enjoy it, witch."

"Every second of it," she agreed.

Oblivious to the teachers and students in the Great Hall, they leaned in to kiss each other.

Dumbledore sneezed.Loudly.

"Professors Snape," McGonagall admonished.

"Sorry.Forgot about you guys," Antonia admitted sheepishly.

"We noticed," Flitwick tittered in his squeaky little voice.

Antonia looked around the Great Hall and flushed slightly.The students were looking at them both, amazed.The Slytherin boys looked rather envious of Snape, as did most of the male students.However, she noticed that Harry Potter and his crew didn't look envious at all.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Hermione grumbled.

"That's vile," Ron agreed."It's bad enough she _married_ the greasy bastard.She could at least resist the urge to snog the slime ball in the Great Hall…"

Harry himself had turned a peculiar shade of green."Well, Herm, this blows your theory that she's with him for any other reason than love…"

"It seems that you two have created a bit of a disturbance," Dumbledore remarked mildly, taking in the gawking students.

"Um, whoops?" Antonia squeaked.

McGonagall was alternating between trying not to laugh at her and trying to look stern.The result came out resembling a puffer fish.

Dinner didn't end soon enough.

***

She closed her eyes as she felt his lips softly moving down the nape of her neck.His arms wrapped around her waist as she relaxed against him, one large hand cupped her breast.A contented sigh from deep within came from her as he held her tight.

"Wouldn't you rather stay in our chamber and just do this all night?" Severus remarked, his tone suggestive.

"We have to go, darling," she responded weakly.Her voice was telling him that she'd like nothing more than to spend a quiet evening in their dungeon, just the two of them.

"Are you certain?" he whispered, taking an earlobe in his teeth.

"Yes," she answered firmly, pulling away from him."Go get a shower and wash your hair, darling."

"It's more fun when you join me," he pressed.

"But we'll be late," she protested feebly.

"So, we can make a 'dramatic entrance'," he insisted, pulling her dressing gown off.

"Severus, really!" she laughed, giggling as he scooped her up in his arms.

"Are you sure I can't convince you to join me?"He looked at her with something akin to pleading, but far more lighthearted.

She sniggered and shook her head."I'll tell you what…Get your shower and wash your hair, while I try to turn myself into the belle of the ball.If you're impressed, we can try to leave the ball early…I can get a headache…"

He kissed her forehead."And I've got the cure," he leered.

"Arrogant prat," she teased, swatting him playfully as he set her back on her feet."Get ready, now, go on with you."She shooed her husband into the shower and got ready in the main chamber in peace.

He slipped out of the showers and saw her face reflected in the beveled glass.The potions master slowly crept behind her, gazing upon her oblivious countenance.He froze when he saw her putting her waist length blond hair in a French twist.She was… under ordinary circumstances, she was beautiful.But tonight, looking as she did?Here was something special about her that transcended her looks.She was…He smiled.She was his.

The witch turned and faced him, a sweet smile spread across her face."What do you think?"

His black eyes drank in her appearance.She was wearing robes that he'd not seen before, all soft and shimmery black and silver with black lace…The robes were off the shoulder and hugged her full breasts and tiny waist before flaring out at her rounded hips, then falling to the floor in beautiful, shining pools.The sleeves were long and fitted to the elbow, then flared out into black lacey bell sleeves.She presented a delightful dichotomy of a pagan winter goddess of old and a modern pin-up girl at once.For once, she'd actually gone to the trouble of putting on make-up…Her blue eyes were brought out by the earthy eye shadow that she'd applied, and her high cheekbones stood out a bit more than usual…Her lips, of course, were still the same soft, kissable pink that he'd adored.

"Something is missing…" he remarked in a critical tone.

She hastily applied a pair of diamond studs in platinum."Better?"

"No," he answered.

She sighed."The jewelry box is right over there, darling.Check and see if there's something you like better," she replied, pointing to a mahogany chest on the table.

He opened the shining wooden lid and looked through the baubles inside.Diamonds, sapphires, rubies, emeralds, amethyst, tiger's eye, green aventurine, blue and yellow topaz, gold and silver…"None of this will do," he responded, his voice clipped.

"Well, then, what, my love, do you propose I wear?" she sniped.

He reached into the pockets of his robe and pulled out a black velvet jewelry box."I thought this might be appropriate," he suggested softly, opening the box before her.

"Oh, Severus," she breathed.Her eyes feasted upon the magnificent jewels in her lover's hands.A lovely, twelve inch circle of onyx stones laid in a platinum lace with white diamonds surrounding the black stones sparkled up at her.A pair of earrings, black onyx, diamond and platinum, as well, lay in the middle of the bejeweled work of art.Those earrings… it looked as if each earring was a link taken from the necklace, made shorter simply to fit her own slender throat.

She felt his presence directly behind her, and saw the necklace glint as he lowered it in front of her face.She gasped slightly at the shock of the cold metal as he wrapped it around her neck.Antonia shivered; his lips gently brushed that delicate curvature at the nape of her neck and her shoulder."Put the earrings on," he ordered, his voice a loving whisper.

With shaking fingers, she took off the diamonds and put on the lovely new earrings her lover had given her.

"Look at yourself," he said, again in that nearly a whisper of a voice.He turned her to see her reflection in the beveled looking glass once more."You're beautiful, Antonia, so beautiful it hurts."

"I'm not beautiful like you," she answered in a hushed voice.The young Mrs. Snape felt her husband's arms wrap around her waist and lay her hands over his."You're beautiful on the inside, darling.You're so very strong and bright… and you love me….This," she added, making a gesture to her reflection, "This will fade."

"Not in my eyes," he promised, his lips brushing against her temple.

She turned and smiled up at her lover."Shall we go to the ball, or would you prefer to stand here and get incredibly maudlin?"

Severus sighed."The ball, I guess… if we have to…"

"We have to," she replied firmly.

He sneered, and then acquiesced, taking her hand and escorting her up to the Great Hall.

She entered the room with her husband at her side, looking every bit as regal as a princess surveying her domain.

Whispers and hushed words could be heard, babbling beneath the music of the Weird Sisters music as the Professors Snape strolled on to the dance floor.

"Look at Professor Snape," Ron said to Harry and Hermione, looking as awestricken over her as he did Fleur the previous year.

"How on earth does she afford all that jewelry!" Hermione remarked, admiring the platinum on her ears, neck, and finger.

"Who cares?" one of the Weasley twins said, walking up along side his fellow Gryffindors. 

"She's hot," the other twin remarked.

"I just don't know what she sees in Snape," the first twin replied.

Harry spoke."We probably never will, but make sure she doesn't hear us…I don't want to be hauled up to her office and told off, again."

However, Antonia was oblivious to the other students, as well as Sirius Black dancing with Professor Sinistra.No, she had eyes for no one else but Severus.

As the music turned into a waltz, Severus took one of her hands in his and wrapped one arm around her waist.He guided her through the sweeping movements of the dance, his eyes and hers never wavering from each other.All that existed in the Great Hall was Severus and Antonia Snape, and a wizard waltz.The students, the other faculty members, the ghosts?They had all ceased to exist.

The last strains of the waltz resonated in the air as the couple moved off the dance floor."I love you, Severus Snape," she smiled up at him.

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips."And I love you, Antonia Snape."

Draco Malfoy walked up to them both."Professor Snape, may I have this dance?" he asked solemnly, bowing deeply to Antonia.

She looked at Severus from the corner of her eye and he responded with an almost perceptible nod.At that, she smiled politely at Malfoy."I suppose so," she heard herself say warily.

He took her hand and led her out to the floor, looking as regal as she did."You know, Professor Snape, it's too bad you're a muggle lover…You'd look nice on my arm."

Antonia raised her eyebrow at him."There is one word that would describe such an event ever occurring, Mr. Malfoy: pedophilia."Her voice was cold and clipped, her eyes were frosty.

He shrugged."It doesn't matter much, anyway.When my father is finished…"

"I don't give a damn about your father, Mr. Malfoy.And you still need my class for OWLs.Let us not play this wretched game again.Your father has no control over me," she hissed, a polite smile still on her face as he led her through the dance steps.

Wisely, Malfoy shut his mouth and continued his flawless execution of the waltz.

The song didn't end soon enough for Antonia.As Malfoy escorted her to Snape, Sirius came up."May I have this dance, my lady?" he asked, bowing deeply.

She smiled, relieved to be able to get away from that little Slytherin brat a few seconds quicker."Certainly, kind sir," she replied, her voice belying the tension she felt.

Possessively, he put an arm around her waist and escorted her away from Malfoy."What did he say to you?" he demanded.

Antonia shook her head."He's just being his typical little pompous ass self," Antonia replied airily, brushing off her little conversation with the spoiled little Slytherin boy."What of you, Mr. Black?Are you having a good time tonight?" she teased.

He smiled warmly at her."I am, now."

"Sirius, please?You're my friend.That's _all_," she pleaded.

His voice was bemused when he saw fit to answer her."Antonia, I'm not planning on ravishing you in the middle of the Great Hall or some such rot.I promise, you are perfectly safe when you're with me.In fact, I'd go so far as to say that nothing will ever happen… unless you want it to."

"Then nothing will ever happen," she replied firmly.The Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor's tone left no room for argument.

"So, why don't we go ahead and change the topic to something that won't get you angry with me?" he suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Antonia agreed.

"The jewelry…Where on earth did you acquire it?" he asked.

She smiled broadly, a warm and genuine one."Severus gave it to me today."Ah, yes.All someone had to do was ask her about her husband, and Antonia knew that she would be grinning like a fool.

The smile on Sirius's face faded."I rather hoped that you would have worn the silk robes tonight."

"Severus Snape is a very proud individual, Sirius.To wear robes that _you_ gave me while at the Ball with him would be a slap in the face.I think the only way that I could insult my husband more would be if I were to have sex with you right in front of him.Besides, I happen to be rather fond of these robes…"

"I don't want to just have sex with you, darling.I want to tempt you, tease you, seduce you, and make mad, passionate love to you from sundown to sunup.I'll never do anything that you don't want me to."

"Then you'll never lay a hand on me," she hissed."I took vows of fidelity.I'd sooner die than break my wedding vows."

"I don't know, beautiful.I think I could tempt you.If you'd let me kiss you just once, you'd never want anyone else.You'd beg me to touch you," he swore.

She deliberately lost the rhythm and stomped on his foot.Hard.

He winced."Was that really necessary?"

"Yes.Next time, it will be much, much more painful if you insist upon talking such trash to me.I am married.More to the point, I'm married to the one that I've always wanted.You had your chance at a Yule Ball of our own years ago.You blew it.And I'll not be giving you any second chances."

"Yet you give that slimy bastard a second chance every day.I see how he hurts you, I see how he treats you.I would never treat you like that.All I ask is for the opportunity to treat you as you deserve to be treated, yet you refuse me.Instead, you choose to stay with that Death Eater bastard and let him hurt you over and over again…I see the bruises when we sit together at the lake.He beats you, doesn't he."

She was too astonished to speak.Black took that refusal as a tacit confirmation of his worst suspicions.

"He has the most beautiful, passionate woman in all of England, and he beats her.Tell me, Antonia, does he know what to do when he has a warm and willing woman in his arms?Does he make love to you like you deserve to be touched?Does he reach out in the middle of the night simply to hold you and kiss you?Or does he let you lie beside him in that bed at night, only to ignore you?"

Her blue eyes flashed with barely controlled rage as she lifted her knee.Sirius, who was in too much pain to scream, simply hunched over and groaned.She could see tears forming in his eyes."My sex life with my husband is none of your concern, although, I assure you, we most certainly do have one.As for the bruises, I enjoy every second that I earn them."

With that, she turned and walked away, her robes swishing behind her.

Harry rushed over to Sirius and helped him off the floor."What happened?" he asked.

However, his godfather was unable to speak.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, once Sirius was sitting in a chair.

He nodded weakly."I let my mouth get the better of me…Don't ever think that a girl won't turn you down, Harry.Just when you think that, she'll let you know in the most painful manner that your advances are not welcome."

Antonia joined her husband at the table and gratefully accepted a goblet of pumpkin juice."Thank you, darling," she cooed.

"What did you do to Black?" Severus asked, sipping his own beverage.

"He said something that he shouldn't have, and my knee 'accidentally' rose up a little higher than it should as we danced," she demurred.

Severus choked on his drink and set the goblet down in a coughing fit."You kicked him in the…"He was seized by another fit of coughing, made worse by his laughter.

"It was totally accidental," she replied in faux innocence, biting her lip to keep a vicious grin from stretching across face.

Once he'd recovered, Severus looked his wife over appraisingly."How's your headache?" he whispered, a lecherous gleam in his eyes.

"Oh, it's absolutely terrible," she sighed, massaging her temple with a tiny hand.

"Then we'd better tell Dumbledore that you aren't feeling well and get you back up to bed," he murmured, wrapping a protective arm around his wife's waist.

She nodded faintly as he escorted her to the table where Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey were sitting.Minerva and Hagrid were on the dance floor together.

"Professor, I think Antonia needs to call it a night.She's not feeling too well…"

"Perhaps a trip to the hospital wing would be in order?" Madam Pomfrey suggested, rising to her feet.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary, Poppy," Dumbledore answered, his blue eyes twinkling."I think all Antonia needs is a bit of rest in her own bed.Severus, I'm certain, will take _very_ good care of her."He winked at Antonia as Severus escorted her out of the Great Hall.

Once they were in their room, the two erupted into peals of laughter."He didn't believe us," Antonia giggled.

"Well, darling, we _were_ less than truthful…"

"Severus, do you honestly think he would have waved us out the door if we'd said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but I can't stay any longer.I really must take my wife back to our chamber so that I may shag her senseless'?"

"That _is_ why we came back here…So, why are we talking?" he teased, pulling her against him.

"I'm not really sure," she murmured slowly, running her hands up his chest.

"Shall I carry you to bed?"

"You haven't done that in a while," she replied seductively.

"I've been a complete and total bastard, then, haven't I?Let's see what I can do to correct that…"He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bed, laying her on the soft mattress as if she may break.

"Don't forget the silencing charm," she reminded.The last thing that she needed was the Weasley twins to follow them down here and use an amplificus charm.

"Taken care of, my love," he whispered, sitting beside her on the bed.Gently, he removed her slippers and tossed them on the floor.She gasped when she'd felt his tongue on one of her toes.

He kissed and suckled her toes, making her squirm and whimper with delight.He kissed up the side of her ankle, along the silky smoothness of her calve, along the edge of her knees, into the inside of her thigh…

"Severus!" she cried, feeling his head move under her robes.Damnable robes, in her way…She couldn't even touch him for the black and silver concoction.This had to be the most exquisite torture that she'd ever experienced.

He slipped his head out from under the shimmering material and looked up at her.

"If you don't touch me this instant, I swear I'll die," she begged hoarsely.

"Can't have that, can we?" he teased, his own voice ragged.He slipped up beside her and began opening her robes, slowly but surely, starting at the top and working his way down…

She pulled him against her, her movements clumsy, and wrapped her arms around him."I love you," she whispered.

He slipped open her robes gently, while she hurriedly parted his own.She needed to feel him against her.

Antonia pushed his robes off of his shoulders and tossed the black garments on the floor.Her hands glided over his bare, smooth chest; his body was slicked by perspiration.Tiny hands gripped his shoulders, pulling him down on top of her.

She wrapped her legs around him and he slid inside her."Severus!" she whimpered, clutching him like a drowning man clutching a life preserver.

He collapsed on her with a loud cry and basked in the comfort of her embrace.

"Love you," she whispered, stroking his black hair.She felt her eyes glisten with tears, it was such a beautiful experience.

He kissed her gently, wiping the tears from her eyes."I love you, Antonia.And I need you like the air that I breathe…"

The lovers fell asleep, entangled in each other's arms.

Thanks for reviewing: Whitebears, Tessie, Amanita Lestrange, PotterLovingAsh, w&m_law, Prue Halliwell, Byrdgirl, Katie Weasley, §phinx, Rushumble, Maeve, anonymous reviewer, Lindsey Beth, Unicorn Lady, Tom Riddilpley, and Gryffindor.

Tessie:You're right.The second you made a move towards Severus, Antonia would kick your ass beyond all recognition.She's a wee bit possessive of Severus.

Amanita:Now that you've busted out of prison, you'll be around until you receive the kiss or Voldie falls.Which ever comes first…

W&m_law: Thanks so much.J

Prue: Antonia may not be much of a lady, but she sure tries…

Byrdgirl: even when nothing major is happening, I try to make it vital for plot development.After all, **every** chapter can't end with Sev and Antonia wanting to kill each other.

Rushumble:You're kidding, right?Be nice?Where's the plot in **that**?

Maeve & anonymous reviewer: Thanks for reviewing…Now would you **please** keep it up?hehe.

Tom Riddilpley: Angelina will have her time.She'll be pretty pivotal in a tale of her own.As for Sirius?Well, he might be a lecherous bastard, but he's got his uses.

Gryffindor:::slap!::That oughta teach you!

§phinx: Antonia is very real.She's a very flawed individual, and she knows it.I'd go so far as to say that she's her own worst enemy.

Tempesta: I'd be eternally lost without you.

Oh, yeah, and _As You Like It_ is one of Shakespeare's plays.That does it!Now, if you would so kindly, please review…


	18. Descent to the Maelstrom: These are a Fe...

A/N: see early chapters for disclaimer.

Adoring and exceptionally embarrassing thanks to my muse.Thanks, Tempesta!J Speaking of Tempesta, she's posted some new poetry in her section.If poetry is your bag, you may want to check it out.

Notes and roll of honor at the bottom…

***********************************************************************************************

The next two weeks were rather silent at the school.Most of the students had gone home for the holidays, leaving the Great Hall to be so very empty that the teachers and the four remaining students ate at one table.Of course, the four students were Harry Potter, who never went home for the holidays; Ron Weasley, who would never leave Harry alone at Hogwarts for vacation; and Jonathon and Matthew Carter, who weren't about to go home since their only surviving parent and their stepfather were professors.

Harry, of course, spent all of his time with Ron, roaming the school hallways or playing with Fang, Hagrid's boarhound, in the foyer.

The Carters and Snapes, however, spent most of their time as a family unit.Severus and Jonathon played team chess against Antonia and Matthew.Often times, Antonia and Severus would accompany the boys outside for a family snowball fight.

Christmas Eve, the foursome sat inside the empty Slytherin common room together, enjoying some pleasant family time together in front of the roaring fire doing absolutely nothing.The boys were playing exploding snap together, while Antonia read some Terry Pratchett novel and Severus scribbled out ideas for a potion on a long piece of parchment.

"Professor Snape?" little Matthew asked, looking up at his stepfather.

"Yes?" Severus replied, looking up from his notes.

"May I… May I call you 'Papa'?" the first year asked hesitantly.

Antonia was still, looking up from her book, waiting for her husband's reaction.

Severus's face spread into a warm smile."I would be most honored."

From that time onward, Matthew and Jonathon Carter referred to Severus Snape as their papa.

***

# Christmas morning

Severus woke up and reached out for his wife.Her space in the bed was still warm, but Antonia was no where to be found.He bolted upright to a sitting position."Antonia?" he called out, slightly concerned.

He heard retching sounds from the 'loo, and heard the unmistakable gasping and wheezing of Antonia.

Severus kicked his legs over the side of the bed and rushed off to the washroom.She was on her knees, clutching the toilet bowl, weak and pale and shaking.

"What's wrong, darling?" he asked, his voice filled with concern._She seemed fine last night…_

"I…"She broke off and clutched her abdomen before leaning back over the toilet bowl.She'd just emptied out the contents of last night's dinner, he was certain.He'd never seen a woman throw up so much in his entire life.

He held her hair away from her face and stroked her back, hating the feel of her spine seizing up under his hand.

Once she'd finished, he gave her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out with and wiped her face with a damp cloth."Feel better?" he asked, putting a hand against her forehead.Her flesh was clammy to the touch.

His wife nodded weakly."Much, thanks."

"Should I get Pomfrey down here?" he pressed, concern etched in his face.

She shook her head."That won't be necessary, darling.I know what it is, and I know how long it should take to be over it."

He looked at her quizzically."How long should this last?"

"Oh, about seven and a half more months…"

He closed his eyes and hugged her close."There has to be a cure," he whispered."I won't sit back and let you waste away to your death."

She pushed herself back from him and looked up at him.Antonia smiled and shook her head."Death?Oh, darling, I'm not _dying_…"She laughed gently, a light and tinkly sound."I'm pregnant."

His face went through a myriad of expressions, as did his thoughts.Shock, disbelief, terror, and, finally, excitement."We're going to have our own baby?" he said slowly, his voice awestricken.He seemed to realize the magnitude of this announcement and threw his arms around her and held her tight."We're going to have a baby!" he cried joyously.

She laughed, thrilled that he was so excited."Merry Christmas, darling," she whispered."Now, would you like to help me up so that I may brush my teeth?I feel as though I'd just eaten a vomit-flavored Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean."

Gently, he lifted his wife from the floor and lightly set her on her feet.He looked ready to dance a jig or something equally ridiculous.Of course, he didn't.Her husband was _far_ too dignified for that.

He resisted the urge to put the paste on her toothbrush for her, although he really was worried about her straining herself…He wasn't going to make an ass out of himself first thing in the morning.

"Severus, do you want to bring the boys in, so we can tell them the good news?" she asked, rinsing out her toothbrush.She reached for the green face cloth beside the sink and wiped the toothpaste residue from her mouth.

"Gladly, darling…Just don't do anything strenuous or anything…Let the fae move things around for you…"

She laughed."Severus, I promise that I won't break.Besides that, I have my trusty wand.I'll be just fine."

"Okay," he said reluctantly.He pulled her close, gently wrapping his arms around her midsection and kissing her temple.

Fifteen minutes later, Antonia had gotten herself dressed in comfortable green robes.Her hair was cascading down her back, long and loose.She refused to do anything high maintenance with her hair if she didn't have to.Make-up?Why bother?She hated the stuff, anyway.

She settled herself back in bed, pillows cushioning her back as she sat up to read.Antonia picked up her wand and pointed it at the candles._"Cremare,"_ she yawned, not even paying attention to the suddenness of the candles flashing to life. 

Antonia had just opened her book when the door flew open.Startled, she checked to make sure her tiny bottle was in her pocket.It was, much to her relief.

"Mum!" the boys cried, rushing over to their mother's bed.While they were eleven and twelve, neither one of them had ever outgrown the need to pounce on her for Christmas morning.

The towheaded boys plopped into bed with her, one on each side.Severus stood back and watched, amazed at how the two boys resembled their mother.

She laughed softly and wrapped her arms around both of her boys."Merry Christmas, my boys," she greeted, kissing them both.

"Can we open presents, Mum?" Jonathon asked, resting his head on her shoulder.

"First things first, love.I have a bit of news for you…Your Papa Severus and I are very excited…You're going to get a new brother or sister."

"Really, Mum?" Matthew asked.

"No, dimwit, she's joshing us," Jonathon replied sarcastically, glaring at his brother.

"Jonathon, don't call your brother names," she scolded.

"But, Mum, honestly, if he would _think_…"

She silenced him with a glare.

"Yes, Mum."

She ruffled Jonathon's hair."Okay, up with you both.I'd like to get out of bed today."

The boys scrambled out of bed.Severus rushed over to help his wife get up.

"Really, Severus, I'm not going to break, I promise," she scolded, pushing his helpful hands away.Once she was on her feet, she gave her attention back to her children."So, how do you two feel about a little brother or a sister?"

"I think it's pretty cool," Jonathon remarked."Of course, I'll be so much older than the baby that I won't really be around much…I mean, when it starts Hogwarts, I'll already be finished with school and an Auror…"

"Yes, Jonathon, I'm aware that you'll be a much older brother…That just happens to be how things worked out," Antonia shrugged."What of you, Matthew?"

He smiled."I've always wanted a little sister…"

Severus spoke up."Your mother and I can't guarantee which one you'll get…"

Matthew nodded."I know, Papa.Can we open presents, now?"

"I suppose…" Severus sighed, leading his family into the Slytherin Commons Room.There was a myriad of gifts heaped under the tree for the Snapes and Delaneys.Antonia sat closest to the tree and handed out gifts, while Severus sat beside her.Matthew and Jonathon sat on the rug, as well, facing their parents and the tree.

"First gift…To Papa, from Matthew," Antonia read.

Severus looked surprised, but accepted the package.He ripped open the green paper and found a jar of porcupine quills.He laughed."How did you know that I needed these, Matthew?"He ruffled his stepson's blond hair and thought of going back to making the Severus Challenge once all this rot with the Dark Lord was over with._Ah, well, some day, perhaps._

__"Do you like them, Papa?" Matthew asked, looking concerned.

"Very much," he promised.

Matthew was all smiles as Antonia dug out the next present."Oh!This one is for me, from Severus…"She opened her gift and was thrilled to find a ladies pocket watch."Oh, Severus," she breathed, holding the antique watch up to the light with two fingers pinching the chain.

"Now I won't have you asking me a hundred times a day for the time," he smiled, kissing his wife's forehead.

By the end of the present unwrapping, Matthew had gotten a new book on potions, with a promise from Papa Severus to help him with the barking dog potion, a box of chocolate frogs, three sets of new school robes, a new cloak, and a set of wizard chessmen.Jonathon had gotten a book on Quidditch, a box of treacle fudge, three sets of new school robes, and a new cauldron (since he'd melted the last one in Potions class, much to Snape's chagrin), and a set of wizard chessmen of his own.The last two boxes were held for the end.

"There's one for each of you, from Papa Severus and Mum," Antonia said, handing the parcels out to the boys.

She looked at Severus quizzically, her eyes saying, _What did you do?_

__His own eyes answered, _Just wait and see, darling._

__Antonia turned her eyes back to her children and watched them rip open their broomsticks.Inside the box was not the Nimbus 2000 that she'd purchased.It had been upgraded to a Nimbus 2002, a broom that was second only to the Firebolt.

"I thought you'd do better for them if you'd been working at the Ministry," he whispered."I didn't think it fair that your reduction in pay should equal a reduction in gifts for the boys."

She smiled."I think they made out okay.Did you like your gifts, darling?"

Jonathon had gotten Papa Severus a jar of dragon livers; Antonia had given him a platinum cauldron and some crystal vials, as well as a new raincloak.Her big surprise gift for him was a picture for the inside of the pocket watch that Antonia and the boys had given him.It was a picture of Antonia and the boys, all together, grinning and waving whenever he opened it.

Severus looked at the outside of the pocket watch.Silver, with green accents, it had the Slytherin House emblem engraved on the front cover."I love it," he whispered, kissing her fingertips.

Her face glowed."Shall we go to the Great Hall for breakfast?" she suggested.

Severus put his hands under her arms and gently lifted her to her feet."Let's go, boys," he said to the children, who were oohing and aahing over their new broomsticks.Severus casually put an arm around his wife's shoulder and escorted his family to the Great Hall.

Professor Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall were already at the table.Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were settling into their seats when Professors Snape and the boys came in.

"Good morning, Antonia, Severus," Dumbledore greeted."You look particularly happy this morning, Antonia."Dumbledore shifted his gaze to the potions master and couldn't believe what was before his eyes."Severus, good God, man, you're practically smiling!"

Antonia sat down beside Severus and rested her head on his shoulder."Do you want to tell them, darling, or should I?" she asked, peering up at him with a silly grin on her face.

"You can tell him," Severus replied.

Antonia turned and gave Dumbledore a ten-thousand watt smile."I'm pregnant."

Dumbledore smiled broadly."Congratulations to you both."He sighed wistfully."It's been so long since Hogwarts has heard the pitter patter of tiny feet."The ancient headmaster snapped back to merriment as he added, "However, the old castle is certainly very familiar with the thud-thud of very _big_ feet."He smiled warmly at the remaining boys at that statement.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley just looked at each other, both of them looking rather nauseated.

_Shocked that I actually have sex with my husband, I suppose_, Antonia thought nastily.She felt no sympathy for the two little rug rats over that.

Minerva McGonagall was flabbergasted."Congratulations to the both of you," she offered, a weak smile on her face.

"You are planning on staying on at Hogwarts?" the headmaster inquired, looking at the Professors Snape as he buttered his toast.

Antonia nodded weakly, fighting the waves of nausea that swept over her."I think that's the game plan…We haven't really discussed anything, yet."

The feast before them was amazing.Belgian waffles, sausages, bacon, eggs, toast, every jam and jelly known to mankind, as well as different toppings for the waffles.Antonia marveled at the fact that the old table was still standing under the weight of all that food.

She also marveled at how ill the smell of it made her."If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go back to my room and lay down for a little while…"

His black eyes examined her, scrutinized her…"You don't look well," he agreed, rising to escort her back to their chamber.

She smiled faintly."I'm fine…Just the smell of food this early doesn't agree with me at all."

She stood up and went back to the dungeons.Antonia had to admit, even though she felt queasy, life was pretty damned good.

***

Harry and Ron lost their appetite rather early on in breakfast after Professor Snape made her announcement.In fact, they left only a few minutes after she did, and headed up to the empty Gryffindor commons.

"Ugh.A pregnant Professor Snape," Ron groaned, making artificial gagging sounds.

Harry's face was an interesting shade of green as he trudged up the stairs to the boys' dormitory."I know.I think I'm going to be sick.How could she do… do _that_ with _Snape_?I mean, she's so pretty that she could have anyone she wanted.Why would she stick herself with _Snape?"_

Ron Weasley and Harry Potter spent the better part of their morning in disgust over the prospect of Snape being a father.

***

By lunchtime, Antonia felt much more up to snuff.She spent the afternoon bundled up on the sidelines of the quidditch pitch and watched Papa Severus play with the boys on their new brooms. 

Antonia was smiling as she watched her husband cling unsteadily to his broomstick as her two children zoomed around him on their Christmas presents.She couldn't wait to see Severus tying ribbons in a little girl's hair or taking a little boy off to go searching for herbs in the Forbidden Forrest.

_You, my love, will be an excellent father…My boys and I are so lucky to have found you_, she thought, looking adoringly at her family.

Around dusk, Severus swooped down on his broom and landed beside her."I think the boys want to stay out a bit longer.Why don't you go back inside and have a cup of hot tea?"He stroked her cheek with two fingers and kissed her forehead gently."I don't want you getting a chill," he added, pulling her hood more tightly around her.

She smiled and nodded."I'll be waiting for you in our bedchamber, darling.Perhaps you'll be ready to come in and put me to bed very soon?"

A half smile stretched across his face."You and me, curled up in bed in front of a nice, roaring fire?I wouldn't miss that for the world."

"I love you," she said warmly, looking over her shoulder at her husband as he rose up on his broom.She then began the walk up to the castle.

Antonia floated back into the castle and glided down the stairs to their dungeon chambers.The Bloody Baron floated past her, the silver bloodstains gleaming on his robes."Good evening to you, Mrs. Snape," he said in his somber, hoarse voice.

Antonia smiled at the ghost.He rarely spoke to anyone, but, then again, her husband was the head of his house."Good evening to you, my Lord," she replied pleasantly, bowing her head to the long-dead nobleman.She'd grown accustomed to the ghost's voice long ago…_After all,_ she supposed, _how clear would your voice be if your throat had been slit?_

The Bloody Baron glided through a wall, leaving Antonia to continue her thoughts as she moved though the castle.

She opened the door to their bedchamber and was greeted by a wave of icy air._Damned elves_, she thought, shivering profusely.The house elves seldom made it down into the dungeons, and the bedchamber always felt like bloody death.Idly, she wondered if they gave the Slytherin commons room better treatment.

"_Cremare_," she ordered.The candles flickered to life and the fireplace came to a nice, roaring blaze.Antonia draped her cloak over the back of a chair to dry and curled up in bed with a stack of papers to grade.One of the house elves… Creaky, perhaps?… brought her a cup of tea as she read over a third year student's paper on Cornish Pixies.

Nearly four papers later, Severus and the boys came back indoors and joined her in the bedchamber.

"Jonathon, Matthew, perhaps you two would like to pull out your papers and rework them?They were abysmally below your capabilities," Antonia admonished.

Her children sighed."Yes, Mum," they both groaned.

Antonia smiled welcomingly as Severus settled down in bed beside her, both of them propped up against the pillows, lying atop the bedclothes.Severus began reading one of those infernal Terry Pratchett muggle works that his wife insisted that he needed to read.

Nearly two hours later, Matthew and Jonathon had revised their papers into something that they could each be proud of.The boys then decided that they'd rather wander about the castle and be on their own, rather than watch their parents do paperwork and read.

Severus turned a page in his book and began sniggering as he read.

"What's so funny, darling?" Antonia asked, delighted to see that her husband seemed to be _enjoying_ some of the books that she loved… books that he'd also deemed as "muggle trash."

"This," he remarked.He began to read out loud.

Examine Rincewind, as he peers around the sullen shelves.There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one.In fact, it is the considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable even of achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up a fraction.

_ _

_ _

"Sounds like Rincewind is based on Neville Longbottom," Snape sniggered.

"Severus," Antonia remarked reproachfully."The boy isn't that terrible…He's just terrified of you."

"If, perhaps, he could manage to go one bloody class without melting a cauldron or blowing something up, then he may not find me so terrifying," he replied coldly, a sneer across his face.

Antonia put her paperwork on the nightstand and rolled on her side to face her husband."You know what I find terrifying?" she whispered.

He closed the book and set it aside."What's that?"

"When you just look at me and you don't even kiss me," she answered, her voice teasing.

"Then we'll just have to do something about that, won't we?"Severus rolled over on his side and gently stroked her cheek with two fingers.

She closed her eyes, savoring his touch.She felt his lips gently brush hers and his arms wrap around her.

"I love you, Antonia Snape," he murmured, pulling her closer."And I love our baby."

She wrapped her arms around him, as well."We love you, too."They fell asleep, still in their clothes, entangled in each other's arms.

The tiny child in her womb remained, peacefully swimming about in its blissful sea of ignorance.

Prue: Probably.I never can get those two right.They're a lot like Rosencrantz and Gildenstern in Hamlet (and in the play Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are dead.)They play the same function, and are therefore easily interchangeable.(For me, anyway)

Michelle: I never said otherwise.In fact, every bruise that Antonia has acquired from Severus has been related to sex.Sirius is just being an ass.

Gryffindor: Oh, how you flatter me!

Sphinx: Done.Challenge met.As for Cymbeline, Shakespeare has been dead for so long that he's beyond copyright.Enjoy.Oh, and if you live around a Barnes and Noble, you may want to check out their collected works of Shakespeare.Leather bound, includes all sonnets and plays, as well as his other poetry, for the low price of $20.There's something similar to it on Amazon.com, too.

Special thanks to you guys for reviewing: w&m_law, Prue Halliwell, Michelle, Amanita Lestrange, Bob spelled backwards, Gryffindor, Katie Weasley, …, Tessie, Jaidon, Sphinx, Fiona, Rushumble, T'Res, and Cassie


	19. Descent to the Maelstrom: The Concept of...

A/N: See early chaps for disclaimer.

Two chapters in a day.Surprised?I felt the need to put this up simply to get over the happy fest in the last chapter.Honestly, I was rather disgusted, but the Ministry of Magic's Department of Children and Families was threatening to send me to Azkaban if I didn't let the little monsters out of their closet.

Now the ministry is happy, and Matthew and Jonathon can go back to doing homework, smoking crack, or whatever it is that they do when they aren't driving Antonia crazy.And Snape and Antonia can get back to their own lives.I still hope that you'll review both chapters, of course.J

Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten to mention that "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things" came from that damned movie with Julie Andrews and the Nazis.I never can remember what it's called…Oh, yeah._The Sound of Music._

"The Concept of Dread" is filched from Kierkegaard, a Danish existentialist.Brilliant.I highly recommend his work.

***********************************************************************************************

The snow was still heavy on the ground on that February night.Antonia's morning sickness was now gone.Madam Pomfrey had determined that Antonia and Severus's bouncing bundle of joy would arrive around the middle of July.

Slowly but surely, Antonia and Severus's bedchamber was being overwhelmed with baby paraphernalia.

She was curled up in the security of her husband's arms; his large, thin hands were stroking her slightly rounded belly.

"How long until you get big?" Severus asked, his voice filled with wonderment.Her tummy was still nearly flat, and she was still very slender by most standards for non-pregnant women, but that little tiny roundness that had grown was simply breathtaking to him._His child was in there_.

"I'm _already_ big," she complained.

"I mean, how long until you walk through the halls and everyone wants to touch our baby?How long until it's very obvious that you're pregnant?"

She smiled."Soon.Probably by the end of the month, I'll be massive.And if anyone starts trying to paw at my stomach, they will require prompt emergency treatment by Madam Pomfrey."

"How very big will you be?Will you have trouble fitting through doorways?"Honestly, this whole impending parenthood thing was uncharted territory for him.

This time, her laugh was more of a girlish giggle."No, silly!I mean, I'll get plenty large, I'm sure, and I'll feel like I'm that big, but I won't _really_ be that big…"

He kissed her forehead."I can't wait."

"You won't find me very attractive when I get to be as big as a house," she grumbled.

"Yes, I will," he insisted, rubbing his hands over her belly, "Because you'll be carrying our child."She sighed and curled up closer against him."What are we going to name him?" he asked.

"Why are you so certain that it's a boy?" she countered.

He shrugged."I don't care if we have a boy or a girl.All I know is that we're having a baby."

Antonia smiled gently."I was thinking about Christiana Nicole for a girl…What do you think?"

"Um, right," he replied, not looking impressed.

"Well, have you any suggestions?" she countered.

"Arsenius?"

She playfully swatted him across the chest."I'm not naming my child after a poison."

"But Arsenius Jigger…" he protested.

She cut him off."Was named for arsenic.I don't care how great of a potions master he was.We are not naming my child that."

"What about William?" Severus suggested."As in your favorite William Shakespeare."

"I wanted to name him Severus, Jr. if we have a boy," she remarked.

"No," Severus answered firmly.

"But why not?" Antonia complained. 

"Because one Severus Snape in the halls of Hogwarts is plenty.I'd like my son to be known as more than the potion master's boy."

She sighed softly, reveling in the comfort of her husband's embrace."Why don't we go to London tomorrow and do more shopping for the baby?" Antonia suggested.She hadn't left the castle in weeks, and she was quite ready to go out and see the world again.

He sighed, a heavy sound filled with his own doubt.She could tell that the idea didn't appeal to him, but she was going stir crazy.She wanted to see adults again.Finally, he spoke."We'll see," he answered reluctantly.

She lifted one of his hands off of her tummy and kissed his fingertips."Thank you, darling.I'm just so _tired_ of being in this castle… I mean, you and Sirius don't even want me to go to Hogsmeade…"

"That's for your own protection," he answered, yawning.

She yawned, as well."Are you ready for bed, darling?I know that I could stand a little sleep…"

He nodded and cast out the candles. "Good night, Antonia," he whispered.

"Good night, Severus.Pleasant dreams," she answered.

They were settled quietly in the darkness when she heard him say, "Antonia?Are you still awake?"

"Mmhmm," she murmured.

"Remember when Black gave you the robes?"She could hear the barely suppressed rage in his voice even now, nearly three months later.

"Mmhmm?"Where was he going with this?

"Black said something when we were in his room arguing…I swear, he made me so angry, I could have killed him…"

"What did he say, darling?" she encouraged sleepily.

"He said… He said that you'd realize eventually that I…"He paused and took a deep breath."…that I was wrong for you, and you'd leave me for him.'Sad for you, but true,' was how the cocky bastard put it," he finished resentfully.

Antonia burrowed further beneath the bedclothes."Sad for Sirius, darling…He lives in a dream world.If he thinks that I'd ever leave you for him or anyone else, he's gone beyond living in a state of denial.He's fucking delusional."

Severus smiled in the darkness as she continued.

"Sirius, Voldemort and his merry band of Death Eaters…They can all cheerfully rot in Hell for all I care.I just want you and our boys and our baby.The rest of the world can burn."She touched his cheek in the darkness."You're all that I've ever wanted, Severus.And there's nothing in the world that could change that."

"It's almost unbelievable that you would say these things to me," he whispered in the darkness."It's always been Sirius or James that got the girl.Never me.I never stood a chance when one of those two were involved.I mean, honestly, darling, look at him.And then, look at me."He was sure that she could hear the self-loathing in his voice.The years of being most unwanted, most undesirable…All of those years of coming in behind James and Sirius had worn on him.Yet another reason that James Potter and Sirius Black had never been his favorite people, he supposed.

She shook her head in the blackness of the unlit chamber.Though Snape couldn't see her, she felt her hair drag against his arm."Severus, your looks, your past, your personality…These things don't make you less desirable.How could it?It's all part of _you_.And I love every part of you, warts, sneers, greasy bastard and all."

He struggled to swallow as his throat grew tight with unshed tears."I just find it so very amazing, that someone like you could love someone like _me_," he mumbled, his voice strangled as hot tears filled his eyes.

"Severus, I'm not that amazing.Honestly, I'm a reformed slut.That you could love me, in spite of everything that I've done…"Her voice broke in the darkness."That you don't care what I've done, who I've been with…It's the most amazing thing in the world."

"I care," he murmured, stroking her hair,"The thought of anyone else touching you hurts.But I can't blame you.And you know what?I'd kill any of them if they ever approached you again.But I can't frown on you for what you did before me…Not anymore.Just that you're willing to be with me more than makes up for anything else."

He felt the wetness of her tears, warm and salty, scalding his bare chest."If I had known that I would finally find my way back to you, and you would really love me, none of it would have ever happened.I mean, none of them mattered.They were just something that…"She sniffled and swallowed."They were like a tourniquet…When I was with one of them, the pain would stop for a while, but once it was over, I felt just as empty and used up as I did before.So, I drank more, I took more lovers…It's amazing that I'm not known as the slut of the wizarding world."

Yes, his wife _was_ known for being careless with her "favors"…After all, Dumbledore himself had felt the need to warn him about the lost one with a face of an angel, known as Antonia, one of the most beautiful witches of their time.How many other women were so beautiful that it had been said that the gods wept with envy?None save for his Antonia

"None of that matters," he whispered, taking one of her hands in his.He drew that tiny white hand to his lips and lovingly kissed her fingertips, one by one."All that matters is that we've found each other in the end."

Severus and Antonia Snape fell into a deep sleep shortly thereafter, comfortably entwined in the comfort of each other's arms.

***

_Rap, rap, rap!_

Her blue eyes fluttered at the pounding sounds."Wha?" she mumbled, pulling the covers over her head.Severus lie beside her, still unconscious to the world.

_Rap, rap, rap!_

__Her eyes flickered to the door, which her sleepy mind had identified as the source of the obnoxious beating."Wha?" she groaned again, this time rolling herself out of bed.She summoned her dressing gown and was tying the sash around her waist as she opened the door.

"Mum, Uncle Sirius asked me to tell you that there's a friend waiting to see you in his bedchamber, and that he really would like you to hurry," Jonathon said, his words tumbling over itself in a rush.

She sighed."Didn't you tell him that I really would rather sleep?"

The boy looked up at her with blue eyes much like her own and shrugged.

Antonia shook her head and pushed her tangled blond hair out of her face."Tell him I'll be up once I'm dressed.And let him know that it had better be good," she said crossly.Antonia then remembered whom her son was delivering a message from."And appropriate!" she called out to his retreating form as an afterthought.

Nearly an hour later, Antonia was dressed.She wore a loose, billowing set of green velvet robes, a set so baggy she'd be able to wear it the entire time she was pregnant… if not for the infernal heat of the summer.Her hair had at least been brushed, but that was about it.The golden blond locks carelessly tumbled down to her waist, only disturbed from its wild freedom by the witch occasionally tossing it back over her shoulder.Severus was still sleeping.

It was nearly eight-thirty in the morning when Antonia finally knocked on Sirius's door.

The door opened slowly, revealing the tall handsome man by the name of Sirius Black."You finally made it," he greeted, ushering her in with a huge smile.

"Yes, I'm here.What was so important that you felt the need to send Jonathon down to wake me?" Antonia answered, her voice peckish.

She heard the footsteps of another before she saw.

"Forgive me, dearest, but I was so excited, and I really did want to see you," a familiar, tender voice said oh-so gently.That masculine timbre, a perfect tenor voice.

A smile slowly stretched across her pink lips."Remus!" she cried, launching herself in direction of the voice.The source of that voice was now in her range of vision, and held his arms open for her.

He swept her up in his arms, spinning her around and laughing."Look at you!" he remarked, setting her down on her feet."You look wonderful!"

She beamed up at him, still holding his hands."Married life has been so very good to me.And Severus and I should have our baby in July," she added, resting one of her hands on that tiny little bulge.

Remus bent down and brushed his lips against her forehead."I'm glad you're well.I was rather astonished when Padfoot told me that you'd actually married Snape."

"I'm sure he told you about our wedding in the most unflattering terms possible," Antonia replied dryly.

"He did have a few choice words in regards to the bridegroom," Remus admitted.

"I bet."Her voice had grown more brittle over this.

"But, still, you look beautiful," Remus smiled.And she did.There was a rosy blush to her normally alabaster complexion.Her hair was still as flaxen as ever, only now it seemed just as wild and untamable as she.Her breasts had grown fuller, her hips more curvaceous.Antonia's entire appearance had taken on a certain voluptuousness that couldn't be missed.Certainly, she was quite lovely before, but now she resembled some sexual or fertility goddess of lore.Even in the midst of pregnancy, she was beautiful…Perhaps even more so…Of course, the werewolf always did like the very shapely women more than the delicate flower type.

"What brings you back to Hogwarts?" Antonia asked lightly.

He tore his eyes from her more appealing feminine attributes (which were disappointingly well hidden under those so very loose robes) and looked her in the eye."Dumbledore asked me to come back.The Death Eaters are, apparently, becoming more and more of a threat with each passing day.But being married to Severus, I expect that you would know that…"

She nodded softly, nearly imperceptibly."Severus worries about me very much.He doesn't like for me to leave the castle.And never am I to leave alone…"

Remus nodded in agreement."Too right."He was quite surprised that Antonia Delaney…(_Antonia Snape, now_, he hastily corrected) would allow something of that nature."I'm pleased that you had the good sense to listen."

"It's not all that much fun," Antonia replied glumly, her soft and kissable lower lip sticking out in a bit of a pout.

Sirius wandered over beside them."Why don't we all have a seat?" the animagus suggested.He carried an unlit cigarette in his hand.

"Don't you dare smoke that in front of me, Sirius Black," Antonia warned.

He grinned at her."I wouldn't dare.I plan on doting on that little one, and I won't get to do that if I fall out of your good graces by smoking like a fiend in front of him."

"Damned right," she retorted, setting next to Remus on a sofa.At least with Lupin, she didn't have to worry about being mauled… _and he's a werewolf, for Christ's sake!_She pulled her pocket watch out and checked the time."Damn it, it's nearly nine-thirty.Severus is bound to be awake and wondering where on earth I've skipped off to.I've got to get back to our chambers…"

Remus and Sirius both stood as she did."Would you like me to walk you back?" Lupin offered.

"I'd be more than happy to do it," Sirius offered.

Antonia shot him a glare.Would he _ever_ quit trying to figure ways to maneuver her into bed?"Remus and I will be just fine, thank you," Antonia said, her voice a bit sharper than intended.

Sirius withdrew, a hurt look on his face.She longed to make that sad look go away, but Antonia was no fool.She knew very well that Sirius would take advantage of that opportunity to wiggle his way into her bed.And, quite frankly, Antonia was rather sick of it.

Lupin looked at his old friend and shrugged before he took Antonia's arm.They walked through the empty halls in silence for a good way of the trip.That is, of course, until Antonia spoke.

"I told Severus about that night that you and I spent together," she blurted out.

Remus looked slightly taken aback."What brought this on?" he asked mildly.

She sighed."Severus found out about some… some not so great things that I'd done, and he was very angry with me…"

He raised an eyebrow at her and ran one large hand through his salt and pepper gray hair."So, you decide to make him angrier by telling him of the night that I spent in your bed?"

"No, it's not like that."She bit her lip and looked away before speaking again."He found out about someone else that I'd… well, that I…"She broke off again."Shit.What's the best way to put this?"Antonia took a deep breath and said, "Well, you know how very, um, affectionate I get when I've had a bit too much bourbon?"

At that gross understatement, Lupin laughed, not unkindly."Affectionate?Antonia, I had to pry you off of me!"

She glared at her old friend."At least you kept your sense when I didn't.Fortunately, Remus, you're a true friend and a true gentleman.You didn't take advantage of the situation and sleep with me."

"No, of course not.You were lost.You were missing David.What else could I do but just hold you and be your friend?" he remarked lightly.As an afterthought, he added, "You were already hurt enough.The last thing that you needed was for someone to take advantage of that and hurt you more.But what does this have to do with Snape?"

Gods, she was so ashamed of this.Antonia was so ashamed of this that she was prepared to never drink again, not even after the baby… since she certainly wasn't going to drink during."I…Severus found out some things.He accused me of sleeping with you.I felt the need to set him straight and let him know that nothing more had ever happened beyond a kiss." 

He smiled down at her.He did care for her very much, but he never felt or understood the need to follow her around and make an ass out of himself over her.While Antonia was prettier than the average witch was, she was also more impatient than the average witch and had her own set of flaws and quirks to deal with.Most importantly, though, Antonia was a good friend.She never held the fact that he was a werewolf against him."You're a good friend, Antonia.That's all you've ever been.But isn't that enough?"

"I suppose it is," she agreed, pausing in front of her chamber door.She put her hand on the knob and stopped."Remus?"

"Yes?"He stood still, though he had been ready to make his way back to his friend's chamber.

"Thank you."

The werewolf bestowed her with a warm smile."Any time."

She opened the door and went in her bedchamber.

Antonia closed the door behind her with a soft _click_ and heard her husband's icy voice.

"Antonia," he began coldly."How generous of you to finally grace me with your presence."

"I'm sorry.Jonathon woke me up, and I went to visit…"

He cut off her words."With Black?"

"Originally.Sirius sent Jonathon down to fetch me.So, I went.Is that so very terrible?"

"Yes!" Snape snarled."You're _my_ wife!You're having _my_ baby!And that bastard still won't stop chasing after you!I see the way he still looks at you!I know who sent you the christening gown!I know who sent you the pram!I've seen the little rattles that you keep bringing in and putting in your drawers!And I know who keeps giving you all of these things for our baby!It's _him_, right?It's that bastard Black, who can't forget about my wife, but can conveniently forget that she is married to me!"

"Damn you, Severus!Are you ever going to trust me, or are you going to accuse me of cheating on you until the end of time?Just because you no longer find me attractive doesn't mean that no one else does!I _appreciate_ that Sirius will still acknowledge me.And _you!_You don't even touch me anymore!"

She stomped past him and headed for the shower."By the way, I didn't visit with Sirius.Remus Lupin is back, and Sirius thought that I'd like to see him."Antonia then slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.

Severus, however, was left alone in their bedchamber with his thoughts._I blew it_, he realized._I've gone and made an ass out of myself and completely pissed her off.Now I've got to try to fix it.Why does this responsibility always fall on the man?_

"Antonia?" he called out.In response, he heard the shower running.The potions master sighed, so very annoyed.Damn, he was tired of getting everything wrong with his wife.He doesn't want to hurt her somehow equals out to he doesn't want her.Damn.He'd never understand women.

Finally, he opened the bathroom, only to nearly be knocked over by a wave of steam."Antonia, what would make you think that I don't want you?" he asked quietly.

"Only the fact that we haven't… that you don't…You haven't touched me since the baby, Severus.You haven't wanted me since Christmas," she sniffled.

Severus sighed."Dumbledore warned me that you'd be moody or something…This has got to be the damned hormone thing," he mumbled.The potions master in him found himself wondering if there could possibly be a potion made to counteract that.His voice grew stronger when he said to her, "It's not that I don't want you.God, I'd be miserable without you.It's that I don't want to hurt you.Since we've…Since we've not made love, you no longer are covered with bruises.Do you know how I'd feel if I hurt you or the baby?How lost I'd be without either one of you?"

She popped her head out, her eyes wide with disbelief."Who are you?And what have you done with my husband?" she demanded.She glanced for a second, determining that it really _was _Severus, and not some brat with a polyjuice potion.Antonia then pulled her head back in the shower.

Severus rolled his eyes._Yes_, he was perfectly irritated.But at the same time, that speech that he'd just given her nearly made him feel ill.

Antonia poked her wet face around the curtain again."I'm sorry I screamed at you," she said, wiping away a mixture of tears and shower away from her eyes.

"So am I," he answered.

His wife just glared at him.

"So, you said you wanted to go to London?" he suggested, against his better judgment.

A smile slowly stretched across her face.That smile almost made him not want to kick himself so badly.Almost.

"How soon do you want to leave?" Antonia answered eagerly."If you'd feel better about it, we could bring someone else with us," she offered.

He could tell by the look on her face that she'd offer to go with Satan himself, if it would get her out of the castle."We'll be fine," he said in what he hoped was a confident voice.He certainly had his doubts to the contrary.

It seemed that it was all too soon that his wife was bundled up in her traveling robes and wearing her heavy cloak.

She smiled up at her husband, touching his greasy hair.Of course, Snape had just washed it the night before, but here it was, nearly noon, and it was oily again.Apparently, Antonia had accurately decided that his hair was oily, and that was that.For that, Severus was thankful."Are you ready?" she asked, her voice filled with eagerness.

He wanted to scream that they couldn't possibly go to London, that the Dark Lord was about.He wanted to tell her that it was too cold.He wanted to tell her something, anything that would mean that they weren't going to London.Instead, he looked into her blue eyes and saw how much she wanted to go out."Let's go," he heard himself say.

If anyone else had asked, he would have denied it.But, the fact of the matter was, he was absolutely terrified.He was no seer, though._We'll leave that nonsense to Sybil_, he thought mockingly as he wrapped one arm around his wife's waist.

The trip to Hogsmeade felt like it went in slow motion.They flew the broomstick close to the ground to avoid some of the bitterest breezes, and let the broom go as fast as possible.They'd decided to apparate from the village to London, with great care taken on Antonia's part, since pregnant women had been known to splinch themselves, leaving their unborn children behind.

When they landed at The Three Broomsticks, Severus stashed their shared broom in the broom shed.

Antonia shivered against the cold, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I want you to go first," Severus insisted._If she should splinch, at least I'll still be here to fix it._

She nodded and apparated with a _pop!_No parts of Antonia Snape lingered behind in Hogsmeade.Severus apparated and found himself standing beside his wife in Diagon Alley."Are you okay?" he asked.

She gave him a sort of irritated smile and shook her head."Severus, I'm a big girl.I promise that I won't break."

"So, I worry," he said, wrapping his arm around her as they walked."Would you like to go for lunch?" Severus suggested.He really wanted to get her some place warm.

"That's fine," she agreed.Antonia looked around, drinking in the sights.Something different to look at, at last.

Severus opened the door to The Flaming Dragon, one of the nicer restaurants of Diagon Alley, and motioned for her to go through.He specifically requested that the maitre 'd put them in a table in the back, but not in a corner.

Antonia thought that this was unusual, but let it go._It's your first day out in months, Antonia.Don't start some stupid argument and blow it._

"Severus, what's wrong, darling?" she asked.

He sneered."What makes you think there's a problem.It's a frigid day and we're in Diagon Alley."

Antonia's shoulders sagged and her smiled faded."We can go back to the school if you'd like, Severus," she offered quietly.Where was the fun in being out if Severus was going to be so very unhappy about it?

"No," he answered a bit too quickly.

"Really, Severus, if you don't want to be here, then we'll do it another day," she suggested.It really wasn't worth the argument.She just wanted a peaceful day out with her husband.

When she saw him clutch his left forearm and his face pale, she knew that it was not to be."I've been called, Antonia.I want you to apparate home and go straight back to Hogwarts.Go to Black and Lupin, and don't leave their room for anything."He then kissed her good-bye and ordered her to disapparate.

"I love you, Severus," she whispered.Antonia then disapparated.

She opened her eyes and found herself back in the village of Hogsmeade.The snow whirled around her like a blizzard was setting in.She fought against the wind and struggled to make it to the broom shed when she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist, painfully lifting her from her feet.

She yelped as she felt that strong arm pull her against a hard chest."Let me go!" she screamed.But her words were lost, carried away by the bitter wind.

Antonia looked up and saw who held her in his arms and bit back a cry of terror.

"Hello, Antonia," that nearly forgotten voice greeted coldly.

"Lucius…"


	20. Descent to the Maelstrom: Birth of a Tra...

A/N: See any chapter up to like, twelve, I think, for a disclaimer.

Roll of honor is at the end of the fic.J

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"Lucius," she gasped.

He leered at her."I see that the lady remembers…Of course, you realize that I use the term 'lady' in the loosest sense."

She struggled against his grasp."Let me go!"

"There's a time and a place for that, dear.This isn't it."He waved his wand and she felt them both disapparate.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself away from the frigid gales that had frozen her to the core only seconds ago.She shivered within the damp wooden walls and looked about the dimly lit area.She and Lucius were alone.The only furnishings in this dismal little hovel were a rickety wooden chair, a small table, and a bed.Surprisingly enough, the bed was in relatively good condition.

He pushed her away, throwing her into the bed."_Expelliaramus!_" he called out.Her wand flew from her hand straight to his."You won't be needing this anymore, beautiful," Lucius sneered at her.

She flinched at the sound of her wand breaking once, twice, three times.Antonia fought the tears that welled up in her eyes.That wand had been her friend since she was eleven years old.Now, it was gone, and she was alone.

Well, almost.

Lucius walked closer to Antonia and the bed, using that same so-very confident stride that she'd once found very attractive._To your credit, you were also drunk, you pathetic lush_, Antonia admonished herself.Now, that same walk filled her with…fear?Repulsion?Or was it a combination of both?All the same, it was a sensation that she was unfamiliar with.She didn't like it.

"Don't look so frightened, darling…You once begged for it, remember?" he crooned, still approaching her.

"You haven't plied me with bourbon, this time," she croaked, looking around frantically for something, anything that could be used as a weapon.Alas, there was nothing, unless she chose to engage Lucius in a pillow fight.

His shadow fell upon her now, so close was he.Yet he still crept nearer and nearer, his smile as cold as his gray eyes."I don't need bourbon to please you, Antonia."

Antonia closed her eyes, hoping to block out his image.Quite childish of her, really, but she couldn't help but hope that he wouldn't see her if she wouldn't see him.She felt the bed sag and heard the creak of the bedsprings as he sat on the bed beside her.

_This is how it's going to end, _she panicked, _Lucius Malfoy is going to rape me, then whatever the other Death Eaters have in store…_It was almost like a light bulb went off in her head._No, they won't._

She opened her eyes and sat up."You're right, Lucius," she cooed.She flashed him what she'd hoped was a seductive smile as she rested her hand on the broad expanse of his chest."I don't have to lie anymore, now that my husband isn't around…All those nights that I was in bed with him, I couldn't help but think how our night in Paris was far beyond that," she whispered, dragging her hand lower."I wanted you to come back to Hogwarts while my husband was away, and I wanted you to touch me again and again…"Her hand went down lower as she fought the urge to vomit.

Malfoy's breathing grew sharper as her fingers continued their maddening descent.Tilting her chin up, he brought his lips down to hers.The Death Eater kissed her savagely, possessing her, dominating her, claiming her.

Antonia tried not to gag as he choked her with his tongue.Her hand still eased down lower at that maddeningly slow pace when she found him.She felt Malfoy's entire body stiffen against her as he moaned into her mouth.

_Try this, you bastard_, she thought hatefully. Without warning, she bit down on his tongue with all her might, while her hand squeezed.

He screamed.It was an agonizing sound even to hear, that pain-filled sound.He fought and struggled to get away from her, maddened with pain.The more he moved, the harder she bit down and the harder she squeezed.The sound of him screaming rattled in her ears, making her head throb.Gods, what a satisfying sound for her.

Still, she kept up her torturous touch._Die, you son of a bitch.You took my wand away from me, but I can still kill you with my bare hands_.The copper taste of his blood flowed into her mouth, but the enraged and frightened witch refused to let up.Her sharp teeth tore into him, ripping, puncturing…Tears poured down his face as he fought and screamed and struggled against her.

She heard it long before she saw it, but the tattered wooden door flung open, slamming into the wall and nearly shaking the room to its very foundation._"Stupefy!"_ someone called out.

It hit her hard, knocking her to her side.Lucius fell to the floor on his hands and knees, spitting out the scarlet blood.The blood spattered across the floor, leaving angry slashes across the withered brown wood.He struggled to his feet, wiping the blood from his mouth with a sleeve of his robe.Murderously, he glared in her direction._"Bitch!" _he spat, spraying her with bloody saliva_._

She looked around the room.There was Lucius, whose tongue was so damaged that he could barely speak.Then there was a hooded Death Eater watching the carnage by the door.There was very little threat left in Lucius, save what he could do to her with his bare hands.What he could do with his wand was next to nothing, for he could barely speak with that badly ravaged tongue, let alone use any curses upon her.

But that other Death Eater…She shivered.

The other Death Eater spoke, his sensual voice wrapping around her like a warm cloak."Really, Lucius…Obviously, the lady wasn't interested.I believe the master said that he did not want her harmed?"

"I should have fucking killed her!" Malfoy slurred.

Antonia looked at her former lover, astonished at the blood.Blood, blood, blood!It was everywhere around him, on him, near him.It was in his voice, it was on his flesh, it was in his scent.The Bloody Baron himself had nothing on Lucius Malfoy.Not then.

"The master would not have let you live, had you done such a foolish thing, Lucius Malfoy," the voice admonished softly."Apparently, our master fancies the lady.He would take it none too kindly for you to have helped yourself to her."

The Death Eater swept past Lucius and dragged Antonia to her feet by her hair.She cried out softly as she nearly lost her balance.

The Death Eater turned towards her, looking over her."You are quite the little fighter, aren't you?That was a hell of a job you did on our boy Lucius over there, and that you did it without a wand is even more impressive."It was said with a bit of admiration mixed in that silky smooth sensuality.

Antonia trembled beneath his touch as he wrapped a gloved hand around her arm.

"Scared, are you?"The voice sounded amused."Well, you needn't be frightened of _me_.I'm not here to hurt you.Of course, seeing as how Lucius, the stupid bloke, had treated you, I don't suppose I really can blame you.But no worries about me, love.I'm here simply to see that you are treated in a manner befitting a guest of the Dark Lord."

Not surprisingly, Antonia did not find that very reassuring at all.Just because he _said_ that he was no harm didn't necessarily make it true, now, did it?

The hall that he led her down was of equally ancient wood as the miserable little chamber that she'd just left.She looked down as the Death Eater continued to escort her.Upon seeing her own bloodstained breasts, she wrenched herself out of the monster's grasp.She ran to the wall and braced herself with one hand, sliding to the floor.Against the wall, she knelt and vomited. 

Antonia rested her head on the splintery wall and shook with smothered sobs and illness.

"Shh," the voice gently soothed as a large hand carefully, almost reverently, stroked her back."So much blood can be easily upsetting, can't it?Especially when it clings to you, so thick and heavy like a cheap perfume…"

"I'm covered in blood," she whimpered."I can't get it off of me!"

"Hush, now, darling.Be strong.You did very well.The master will be proud of you," the Death Eater paused, gently brushing a blond hair from her face, "And very displeased with Lucius.You were, after all, to be treated as a guest, not pinned and raped like some filthy muggle wench."

The Death Eater wiped her tears with gloved hands."No tears, either.The master will be most upset to see you cry.He thinks you to be strong, and it's in your best interest to not disappoint him."

She choked on a sob and nodded.

"As for the blood, no worries.That blood isn't something filthy.Wear it as a badge of honor, a sign of your courage.You took that blood for your own safety, your own defense.That you are still standing, covered in blood though you are, is a great achievement.Wear it proudly."

She swallowed tightly and nodded.The voice had taken on a near hypnotic quality as it soothed her.She knew that the words spoken were that of a mad man, but those were words that were spoken to calm her.Antonia felt oddly grateful to the man behind the mask.

Gently, he lifted her back on her feet.

"He's going to kill me, isn't he?" Antonia whispered numbly, a pseudo calm slipping over her.

The hooded Death Eater looked away."That's not for me to know or understand, you see.All that is for me is to see that you make it to the master, unharmed.What happens to you once you get there?"The man shrugged."That is not for me to be concerned about.You will have made it to the master.My task will be complete."

"You haven't got a stomach for the killing, have you?" she murmured conspiratorially.

"It matters not what I've a stomach for.I took the oaths to the master, and I am now his until I die."Those words were said heavily."Now, best be on with us both, before the master wonders where we'd gotten to."

She stumbled a bit as the man drug her forward, perhaps with a bit more force than was strictly necessary.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Antonia remarked, her voice encouraging."If this isn't what you want to do, you can leave."

The man laughed.It wasn't a laugh that bespoke of amusement, but a laugh, none the less.This was a laugh that bespoke of pain, of wishing.This was a laugh that mocked her words."Leave?Leave the Dark Lord?How long do you think that I would last, once I turned against my master?"

"I didn't say it would be easy," she whispered.Her voice was taking on a voluptuous, sensual quality that caressed the man, much as his own voice did to her in her previous state of terror."But you can turn to Dumbledore.He can help you, even when the Ministry cannot.He can save you from yourself."

"There will be no running for me, love," the man said grimly."I took my vows to the master, as did my father.His father and his father before him were both sworn to serve the Dark Lord of yesteryear, the Dark Lord Grindelwald.Of course, the pathetic tricks of Grindelwald himself cannot compare with the power of my master."

Impulsively, Antonia took the man's hand and rested it upon her rounding tummy."Feel this?Do you know what that is?My child is in there, needing me to protect him up until he's born.Do you think that Voldemort will allow that? Allow my baby to be born?You have a choice.You can take us out of here and save us, perhaps knowing that you've managed to do at least one decent thing in your entire life.Or you can take us to Voldemort, doing as expected, and wake up one day to hate yourself because you allowed your _master_ to torture and murder a pregnant woman.You can dream of us, dream of my child who never had a chance.Will you feel proud of what you serve then?"She nearly knocked the man over with the force of her words, words that conveyed her terror, her hope, her fear, and her desperation.Her entire life was riding on this one man, this Death Eater.By gods, she wanted to be certain that he knew it.

"I've seen horrors already, love.What you tell me cannot frighten me or sicken me anymore than the things that I've already done.Yet, I can still look in the mirror.I can still kiss my wife at the door, and I can still hold my child in my arms.If I help you, then those things end.I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."The man's words were tinged with sorrow.

_Fat lot of good your empty apologies do for me, Death Eater_, she thought._I don't want to die!Not here, not like this…_

***

Severus disapparated and found himself standing before the Dark Lord, alone."Master," Severus whispered, kissing the hem of Voldemort's robe.

"You wonder why I've called you here alone, don't you, my son?" Voldemort remarked imperiously.Though it was stated as a question, it was not.Both Voldemort and Snape were aware of this.

"On your feet, my son," the Dark Lord commanded, his reptilian lips sneering.

Severus drew up to his impressive height, but kept his black eyes downcast.

"I have doubts, my son.I have doubts of your loyalty to our cause.Your wife is a muggle lover.She has two half-blood children…"

"I've taught her, master.I've taught her the error of her ways…She was properly punished, master."His voice was calm, even mellow, a lying Slytherin at his best."I swear it, my Lord…I've taught my wife to respect the superior blood of the wizards, to honor the pureblood of her forebears."

"Really."Voldemort sounded bored."Why do you lie to me, Severus?I hate it when you lie…"

"I swear, my Lord!"

Severus's words were cut off when Voldemort said carelessly, "_Crucio_."

The pain was maddening, blinding.He every nerve felt as though it was burning, being torn, being ripped.His midsection felt as though he was being disemboweled before his very eyes.

Then, it stopped.Severus still ached all over, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, but it was not so agonizing.This was a pain that he could bare.

"I want you to leave my sight, now, Severus.Go.My son, my most talented child," the Dark Lord said almost mournfully, "I want you to leave me, and think of your sins.I shall call you again, when I have come up with a punishment that fits the crime."

Severus disapparated back to Hogsmeade.Through the snow, he trudged back to Hogwarts.He had to see Antonia.He had to check on her, to be sure that she was safe in the care of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.The wind blew so strong and cold that it felt as though it cut through him, nearly knocking him over a few times from the sheer force of it._Of course, the wind can't be blowing towards Hogwarts,_ Snape thought bitterly.It seemed that even nature was opposed to his being with his wife.

He heard his heart pounding in his ears when he finally made it back to the castle.Wet and dripping, he rushed up the stairs, all the while wishing that he could just apparate to Black's chamber and be done with it.Instead, he wasted precious time running up stairs and taking secret passages.Every beat of his heart seemed to mock him, to say that it was one more heart beat that Antonia would not share with him.His thoughts were muddled and crazed by the time he finally made it to Black's chamber door.

"Where's Antonia?" Severus screamed, pounding on the door.He sounded like a woman, but he didn't care, at this point.Any time now, the master was going to pull Severus back to his side.He couldn't go before he knew where his wife was hidden, and he knew that she was safe.He continued pounding on the door like a mad man in frenzy; the man was panicked beyond reason.

After what felt like hours, the door opened.

"Good God, man!" Black snapped.

"Antonia," Severus gasped."Where's Antonia!"

"This is bloody well getting ridiculous, Snape!I don't have her!Every time you misplace or otherwise offend your wife, you needn't come to my door and accusing me of seducing her," Black replied, letting his irritation show through.

"I sent her to you!" Snape screamed.

Severus could see Lupin in the shadows, approaching the door at a steady pace."Let the man in, already, Padfoot.He obviously wants _something_ of some importance…"

Reluctantly, Sirius opened the door.Severus staggered in and looked around."Where is she?She's here, isn't she?Tell me she's here!" he babbled.

"Antonia never came here, Snape," Lupin insisted gently.

"I told her to come straight to you!" he cried.Severus forced himself to slow down and take a deep breath.They'd never tell him anything if he kept up this stupidity.

"What the Hell is happening?" Sirius demanded.

Lupin glared at his friend."You're not exactly helping to diffuse the situation, Sirius.Do shut up now."

"Antonia…I took her to London.We sat down for luncheon when I was summoned…"Severus pulled up his sleeve and showed them the Dark Mark on his arm."I told her to go back to Hogsmeade, to run back to the castle and go straight to you.I couldn't take her back myself.The Dark Lord… Voldemort… he expected me to show up immediately…"

"Severus, she never made it here," Lupin said gently.

Sirius Black and Severus Snape both turned pale."You realize what this means?" Black said hoarsely.

Severus looked sickened and lost.In a flat and empty voice, he answered, "It means that the Death Eaters have her."

W&m_law:I wouldn't give her a fatal disease!She's **way** too awesome to waste away to nothing.

Bob, spelled backwards: I wouldn't hold your breath on V…

Ordinarily, I'd make more notes, but I'm trying to get this posted on my way out the door.(I leave for work in two minutes!)

So, here's the roll of honor.Thanks for reviewing!

Prue Halliwell, w&m_law, Amanita Lestrange, …, Bob spelled backwards, Gryffindor, Whitebears, illusions525, Tessie, Catriona Snape, Byrdgirl, Maeve, Rushumble, Megan, and Katie Weasley.Double thanks for those of you that reviewed both chapters!

The title of this chapter, Birth of a Tragedy, is from Friedrich Nietzsche.Please review!runs away as page uploads to ff.net


	21. Descent to the Maelstrom: His Red Right ...

A/N: I own Antonia, Summers, and the unnamed character.All others are property of JK Rowling.

Title Note: While "Red Right Hand" is an impressive bit of musical work by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds ... it is originally from Milton's Paradise Lost.

Roll of honor at the end, of course.J

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"It means the Death Eaters have her."At that, Snape felt the world spin around him, consuming him, tossing him about, losing him in the deafening roar.He felt the world grow darker and then saw the red carpet come rushing up to meet him.The ache was indescribable.It ripped at his heart, deprived oxygen from his lungs, turned his stomach inside out.Not even the Cruciatus Curse could hurt like this. 

He coughed, sputtered, and felt the bile from his intestines rise up his throat and pour out of his mouth.

It seemed forever that Severus Snape lay crumpled on the floor, heaving and gasping for breath.Sirius Black and Remus Lupin could think of nothing to say, at least, nothing to say that didn't sound stupidly trite.What was there to be said?A man was grieving for his wife.They were powerless; they couldn't wave a wand and make this better.And so, they stood, watching the heap on the rug known as Severus Snape.But they didn't know how to offer comfort to a man who'd offered them nothing but hostility.Not when instinct insisted that they run over and kick him in the head and keep him there.

Remus made the first move.In his so very gentle, calming way, he stepped closer to the Severus pile and offered a hand.No words, no mockery, no pity.Just that simple, calloused hand.

Severus forced himself back to his feet, declining Lupin's hand.How does one accept help from the people who had spent nearly a lifetime giving only torment?

"Sirius, go get Professor Dumbledore," Remus instructed, his calm, even voice the only reasonable one in the chamber.

Sirius Black nodded grimly and walked out of his chamber.

"She's dead," Severus said hollowly.He couldn't think, he couldn't feel… all that he knew was that Antonia was gone.His wife was dead.His child…Tears slowly ran down his face.Hurriedly, he wiped them away with the rough fabric of his robe.

"Severus.Here."Lupin held out a glass of water."Drink this."

Severus's long fingers were shaking as he gripped the glass.He downed it hurriedly, feeling the ice-cold wash down his throat and chilling his stomach.He gasped from the shock of it.

"We don't know that she's dead," Lupin insisted stubbornly."We can get her out of there."

"He's going to summon me back soon.He's going to make me go back.Perhaps he'll delight in showing me her body," Severus said in a flat monotone.

"People can live in spite of Voldemort, Severus," Lupin pointed out."Look at Harry.How many times has he tried and failed?Yet, Harry is still with us, and he's grown up to be a credit to both of his parents."

Severus looked only slightly less miserable at that.He then pointed out something else that Voldemort had done, something else that brought that lost look back to his eyes."He killed Lily…"Snape trailed off.

Remus flinched, but said nothing, in spite of the stab of pain it sent through him.He forced the errant thoughts of his two friends out of his head.They were gone; he could do nothing to save them.Better to concentrate on the one that still has a chance."You said that Antonia met Voldemort.How did that go?"

"That went fine.The bastard tried to flirt with her."

Remus appeared nonplussed, but continued on."Okay, so he thinks _something_ of her.Perhaps he won't kill her.Maybe he wants to recruit her as a Death Eater or something."

Severus felt a glimmer of hope rise within, only to be dashed upon the rocks as the enormity of the circumstances reaffirmed itself in his head.He glared."You don't get it, do you?He's not going to do that, because she already declined.Said she already took vows to a master… Said she took vows to me.And now he's accusing me of being a traitor.What better way to hurt me than to destroy my wife and child?"

"Severus, you're going on and on about how this is related to your actions.What makes you think that this whole fiasco is about you?Maybe he's decided to reward Lucius Malfoy by giving him Antonia.Who knows?There's other reasons that he could want her, other than to kill her."

Severus gave Lupin that cool, skeptical look, a look that sneered, "Do you honestly believe that?"He held his tongue and lapsed into silence._ _

"I really do," Lupin said in his so very soothing voice, answering Snape's unspoken question.

Severus stood and started pacing."Did Black leave any of his cigarettes here?The way this day has gone, I'm thinking of taking up smoking."

***

"You'll be fine," the Death Eater said comfortingly.There was a doorway at the end of the hall; two other Death Eaters guarded it.

"You're lying, you know.I won't be fine.He'll kill me.He'll kill my baby," she answered bluntly."You know what he'll do to me.He'll torture me.Perhaps use the Cruciatus Curse until I go mad?Or maybe he'll be merciful, and use the Killing Curse right away…"Antonia knew what the man was trying to do, but she'd have none of it.He was trying to assuage his own guilt._Let the bastard suffer for what he's about to do, _she thought vindictively.Antonia felt the reassuring weight of the small bottle shift in her pocket._Please, don't make me have to use this,_ she prayed silently.

"I've tried to be kind to you," the Death Eater growled, "But I'll not stand back and let you try to make me feel guilty."

"What does it matter, unless it works?If it works, then you don't belong here.Only those who feel no remorse for their actions are the ones who are best suited for serving Voldemort," Antonia answered coldly.

"Matters not what I feel.I do what I have to do."He gave her a light shove that sent her stumbling for a few paces."I am the one in control, here, Antonia.Just think about it.I could have left you back there with Malfoy.I could have let you cry yourself into a pathetic, sobbing mess.I didn't do that."

"You showed me kindness.That's why I don't believe that you belong here.Of course, you seem to be taking pleasure in your Big Bad Death Eater status now, as we draw closer to the reptilian bastard, hmm?"Her voice started out tremulous and gentle, only to be hateful and sharp by the end.

"Take her," the Death Eater said, shoving her toward the two guards at the door."I'll not listen to this shrew any longer."

She flew forward, catching herself on one of the other Death Eaters.

"Don't handle her too roughly," the first Death Eater, her one-time savior, warned."The Master wants her in good health.No torture until he says otherwise," he called over his shoulder.

Honestly, at that point, she wasn't sure whether she should thank him or not.

_Probably not,_ she decided._Mealy-mouthed little bastard.I hope you have nightmares about this for the rest of your life._

Antonia was finding it rather difficult to maintain good temperament while fearing for her life.

"Won't you give us a go?" one of the Death Eaters coaxed, his sausage-like fingers biting into her flesh.

She thought she was going to vomit.Did they _honestly_ think she had _no_ standards?She looked the Death Eater in the face… well, mask, and sneered."I may be a whore, but I'm a whore with some standards," she snarled.At that, she spit in his face.If she was going to die, she was going to die with her head held high.

The Death Eater raised his fat hand to strike her when the other stopped him.

"No!The master!" Death Eater number three reminded.

Death Eater two instead settled for cursing at her in his oily, nasally voice."Of course, you little whore, you may have already slept with me…As many wizards as you've slept around with, it wouldn't be hard to miss one or two when you count them all up…"

She sniffed indignantly, "If I'd forgotten you, then you must not have been very good at all…How much alcohol did it take?Or are you just dreaming of what you'll never get?"She laughed coldly at the very rotund Death Eater's silence."I thought so.However easy I may be, how pathetic does it make you, that I've never even been willing to give you a shot?"

"_You little…"_ the piggy Death Eater snarled, going for her throat.

She gasped as his fingers tightened around her windpipe, cutting off oxygen.Everything was growing dark as he shook her and squeezed her neck.

"_Stupefy!"_ a cold voice called out.

The pressure dropped from her throat.When her vision cleared, she saw the violent little bastard's exceptionally rotund form twitching on the rough-hewn floorboards.Standing before her in the door was the Dark Lord, himself.

Something akin to a smile spread across his reptilian lips."Hello, Angelina…"

***

Dumbledore and Sirius walked in to find Severus absently staring at the rug while puffing away at a cigarette.He also had a glass of Sirius's Canadian Mist whiskey in his hand and swished around the amber liquid in the crystal glass.

"Moony!Did you get him drunk?" Sirius demanded.

"I didn't do anything.I figured a shot might calm his nerves.I was right, wasn't I?He's not pacing like a mad man, anymore."Of course, Lupin said all of this in his very calm, very level headed voice.Then again, Remus Lupin never got worked up about anything.

Dumbledore shook his head at the old friends and looked to Severus."Severus, really, you need to snap out of it," he said patiently, resting a reassuring hand on Severus's shoulder.

Snape looked up with dull black eyes.They held none of their usual coldness.No, they were just empty, as empty as Snape felt."There's nothing to snap out of.What if he's killed her?"

Dumbledore rebutted, "What if she's still alive?Voldemort was something of a lady's man when he was a student.That only changed when he became so evil and hateful that it was reflected in his very skin.There's a lot of reasons why he may have taken Antonia, but not all of them end with her death."

Sirius spoke up."So, what do we do?"

"Severus, do you know where it is that he's hiding?" Dumbledore inquired, his blue eyes grave.

"Roughly…I think he's back at Little Hangleton, back in that graveyard where he…Well, where the Triwizard Tournament fiasco ended up."

"I want you to apparate to the area.I know that he'll call you soon, Sirius told me that much.If he does, then it won't matter much that you're already there."He shifted his gaze to Sirius."I want you to accompany him.Take no prisoners.Just find her and get out."

Severus looked up at Sirius and stared into his eyes, almost into his soul."You once said that you would die for her.Did you mean it?" Severus asked solemnly.

"I still do," Sirius vowed.

"As would I.You do realize that we just might die in going after her?"The potions master's voice held warning.It was all sharp and cold and business-like.

"Yes.For her, it's worth it.Like it or not, Severus, I do love her.And I can't win her over if she's dead."

Severus resisted the urge to say something nasty and hateful to Sirius.This wasn't the time; he needed the animagus to help him."Then this is what we'll do…"

***

"Angelina," Voldemort sighed, looking at the battered and blood-soaked blond before him.His expression told her that he was not seeing her, but seeing someone else… a living ghost of a distant past, perhaps?"Who did this to you?" he demanded.

"Lucius Malfoy," she announced._Rot in Hell, Malfoy.I may not have been able to kill you, but I'm sure _he_ will… or he'll make you wish you were dead_.Antonia realized that she'd have to catch her happy spots where she could find them.Just the mere thought of Malfoy screaming in agony and fear was enough to brighten her day."The one that you stunned out in the hall also did his fair part of damage," she added.

"Malfoy, Summers.Step forward," the Dark Lord growled.

The two men hesitantly stepped to the center.

"Stand by my side, Angelina.Stand where you used to stand," he ordered.Antonia hesitantly stepped to his left side, hoping she chose the correct spot.

His reptilian lips curled to a smile."Thirty years later, my angel, and you still remember…"

_The man is nutters!_ she thought.She gave what she hoped was an assuring smile.

"Lucius, you touched her.You attempted to defile my beautiful Angelina.All that is pure stands beside me, _and you sought to ruin it!"_ he hissed.

"Master, I…She isn't what she seems…" Malfoy cried desperately.

"_Crucio!" _Voldemort hissed.

Lucius Malfoy collapsed on the damp and must floorboards, his arms and legs flailing about in mindless spasms as the excruciating pain of the curse ripped through his body.To watch a man in the throes of the Cruciatus curse was a frightening thing, particularly when it was a man that you generally saw in a position of dominance.Antonia felt herself shrink back from the horrors she observed, although she knew that the man writhing in agony before her was a worthy recipient of such misery.

She almost felt sorry for the bastard._Almost_.Once she remembered his hands on her in that filthy little bedchamber in the back of this old house, she felt the need for vengeance surge through her, stronger than any need for vindication that she'd ever felt before.Yes, the miserable little worm _deserved_ the worst of all tortures.He deserved to die for what he'd done to her, what he'd done to countless others._Die screaming, you bastard_, she thought hatefully.Antonia wanted to scream it, to yell it, to beg Voldemort to give her the privilege of making that son of a bitch suffer.Antonia realized, for the first time, how strong of a driving force hatred could be.

_Two minutes under the curse…_

"Do you think he's had enough?" Voldemort asked, looking at his beloved Angelina.

Antonia narrowed her eyes at the pathetic remnants of the once intimidating man before her, still screaming like a woman, like a woman that he'd tortured, perhaps, in times past."No," she spat."Let the bastard suffer a thousand times over for what he's done to me."

The Dark Lord nodded approvingly."I told you, Angelina.I told you before you left me the last time that you would return, and that you would return with a taste for killing that rivaled my own."

"My bloodlust only extends to those who deserve it," the witch rebutted, an air of righteousness in her words.

He chuckled."Don't they all?"The Dark Lord seemed impervious to the sounds of Malfoy's desperate screams.The other Death Eaters, however, were growing frightened.Three full minutes under the Cruciatus Curse was enough to drive anyone mad.

"That's enough," she whispered.Malfoy was choking on his own tongue, and turning colors that no human should ever turn in life.As much as she hated that Malfoy bastard, she couldn't watch him die…

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice mocking her, his wand pointed just so that he could lift the curse, his body language indicating that he would do it when he felt damned good and ready, but not a moment before.

"Please," Antonia begged.If this continued much longer, she would throw up.She felt the fluid fill her mouth, that nasty sour taste coating her gums, her teeth, her tongue…She couldn't look at it; she couldn't look away.Even when she closed her eyes, there was the sound of his agonizing screams.

Voldemort's reptilian lips curled into a sneer."Still weak, Angelina," he snarled.

Her hands covered her ears; her eyes squeezed shut._God, I can't take this anymore!__Let him die, or let it stop!_She couldn't stand it any longer.She felt her breath come in hurried ragged gasps, she felt her knees begin to quake.None of this could be real, yet it was all too real to be denied.And there stood Antonia, at the side of the most feared and hated man… monster… in all of wizardry, and she had no wand to save herself nor to stop this madness that surrounded her.

For all of her training, she was, in a word, powerless.That realization made her sicker still.

Finally, there came the break that she was prepared to beg for.The end of her agony, the anguish she shared with Lucius Malfoy, the cruel bastard, had come.

Malfoy lay on the gray floor very still, his ghostly pale skin now a gaunt, pasty white.He looked dead…She thought he was dead…Antonia actually found herself breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the bastard's chest rise and fall.

"When I give instructions for a prisoner to be unharmed, I mean just that.There will be no attempting to sample her charms.There will be no strangulation because she refuses you."Voldemort looked from Lucius's prostrate form and let his blood red gaze filter around the circle of Death Eaters.His hideous gaze landed upon Malfoy once more."Get up, you pathetic little worm."

Malfoy wiped the tears from his face and struggled to a standing position, the aged wood creaking under his weight.

"What have you to say for yourself?" the master hissed.

"Never again, master.I shall mind myself to follow your instructions more carefully," Malfoy rasped.

The sound of his voice chilled Antonia to the bone.Antonia remembered how that voice sounded when it purred words of temptation and seduction in her ear all those years ago, when it poured over her senses like the richest of butter, when it nearly drove her to the brink of madness with pleasure.She also remembered how it sounded, hot and heavy in her ear when he was willing to take her by force; she remembered how cold and frigid like the north wind it sounded when he threatened her.But now?Now it was parched like the deserts of Egypt, sandy and dusty and barren.

"Rejoin your brothers and your sister in the circle," Voldemort instructed, his high, cold voice imperious.

Malfoy staggered back to the gap in the circle, which he had occupied only a mere five minutes before.However, he was not willing to lean against the stonework of the wall to hold his shaking limbs upright, nor would he rest his considerable bulk upon the shoulders of one of his healthier, uncursed brethren.

_In less than five minutes, a powerful wizard was reduced to a pathetic shell of himself_, Antonia shivered.How long would she and her child last under the Cruciatus Curse?Would she make it for a full three minutes, like Malfoy did?Or would she go mad or kill herself, first?

"You, Summers, do you want the same treatment as your brother Malfoy?Would you like to fall before your brothers and writhe before us like a rabid dog?Would you like to be treated like the pathetic animal that you are?"

Summers, the pudgy bastard that tried to strangle Antonia only half an hour before…_It seems like another lifetime ago,_ she marveled… now knelt before them, groveling the favors of his lord."No, my lord," the fat bastard whimpered.

She found herself disgusted by the weak nature the little pig was displaying.Of course, it was all well and good to attack an unarmed and pregnant woman, but when the time came to be a man, to stand up for himself, the little shit bag fell remarkably short._Honestly, I've seen first year Hufflepuffs show more courage that you, you pathetic sod_, she thought, infuriated by the lack of spine present in some of the Death Eaters.

"Torture the bastard!" she screamed, enraged by his weakness.She stepped forward and gave him a well-placed kick to the solar plexus, and felt only slightly vindicated when he collapsed on the splintering wood, gasping and wheezing."You can try to get me in bed with you, you can insult me, and you can try to strangle me while I'm unarmed, but in the face of the Dark Lord, you cave!Pathetic cur!"She spat on the wheezing Death Eater's prone figure.

Voldemort sniggered, pulling her back to his side."Perhaps I should just let you beat him to death, instead?"

"Master, please!" the Death Eater groaned."She's no pure angel…Beside you stands Antonia Delaney Snape, slut of the wizarding world…There's no man she'll refuse…"

"I refused _you_, didn't I, round boy?" she hissed."I still have some standards.And my spine is still holding me upright…"_As opposed to you_ hung in the air, unspoken but well understood by all who observed the proceedings.

"She's no pure angel, my Lord…You met her…You were charmed by her…But there was so much more to Severus Snape's wife…Lucius told you!" the bastard squealed.

_Fuck me…_It was all over…She knew it.Antonia closed her blue eyes and waited for the axe to fall, for Lucius Malfoy to speak of their one night shag-fest in Paris.She waited for any of the others to mention someone that she vaguely recalled meeting while drunk somewhere…

"May I speak, my Lord?" Lucius rasped, his gray eyes appropriately downcast.

"You may…"

"The woman…I spent a night with her in Paris.And she was no virgin, then, and that was nearly ten years ago…"

"I've doubts of the faith of certain Death Eaters to our cause…I wanted this woman held unharmed for a reason.A shame that she is a muggle-loving whore…"Voldemort turned at looked at Antonia."I wanted you to be her, you know.But you could never be.She was no whore.No, Angelina was a great lady.That you should have the audacity to bear her face is disgusting."He spoke to a Death Eater to his right."Get her out of my sight.She is not to be touched, not to be harmed.No more than stunned."

The Death Eater handled her roughly, shoving her back to that same filthy bedchamber where Lucius Malfoy had tried to rape her only an hour before.The floor was still covered in his blood, only now it had dried to a dark brown.

She tried not to wretch over the sight of flies feasting on the stains as she sank down on the mattress.

The Death Eater closed the door and locked her in, leaving her with nothing but her own thoughts.

Eventually, the door creaked open, revealing Lucius Malfoy's once-more imposing figure.He seemed to have recovered somewhat from the aftereffects of a very potent Cruciatus Curse.

"You little bitch," he hissed."I'd almost rather kill you myself, but what the master has planned for you will be even more rewarding…"

Antonia stared up at him with wide blue eyes."You can't fuck me if I'm a corpse, Lucius."_Well, _she thought_, I suppose you_ could_, but I don't think that necrophilia is your bag…_

He gave her a bloodthirsty smile."This is even better.Your darling husband, the bastard traitor…Either he'll torture you, a muggle-loving treacherous slut, to death, or he'll die.Then, of course, the master would give you to me…And if that time comes, you'll wish that you were dead, bitch, for weeks before I finally kill you." 

The most beautiful and deadly of all Death Eaters spun on his heel and walked out.

A/N:The phrase "Die screaming" actually comes from a kind of lame movie with Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson…Oh, yeah!It's from _The Long Kiss Goodnight_.

W&m_law: I seriously doubt that Voldie is worried about Snape.He has bigger things on his agenda…

Gryffindor:Here it is!FWIW, though, I just made it to work on time by the skin of my teeth…As for the blood, well, get used to it.There's a war with the dark side at hand.And she's not out, yet.

Amanita Lestrange:Dammit!Thanks for that, now I know one more thing that I need to fix in the revision.Would you like to be a second beta reader?

Sby:Thanks, but all chapters are already named and outlined, and half-written or complete.J I will keep that in mind for the next piece, since I'm sure I won't drop my habit of filching (and crediting) titles any time soon.

Maeve: Was this soon enough?

Tessie:I know how you feel.I might have had this up quicker, but I took a break to read chapter 6 of your fic when you posted it.; )

Akisis:Well, what took you so long?J

Snape's Girl: Ask and ye shall receive.(I don't know who that quote originally belongs to… if someone knows the source, could it be cited in the reviews?)

Whitebears:How 'bout today?

Tempesta:My one true love, thanks so much for the beta reading, but, most of all, thanks for being my muse and kicking me in the ass when I was ready to quit.I would have never even started the thing without you.

And, the Honor List: w&m_law, Tempesta, Gryffindor, Amanita Lestrange, Tessie, Sby, Maeve, Akisis, Tangwystl, Prue Halliwell, Sphinx, Snape's Girl (twice), Rushumble, Lindsey Beth, Whitebears, and Katie Weasley


	22. Descent to the Maelstrom: The Wicked Day

A/N:Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, and all denizens of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, as well as Lord Voldemort, the Death Eaters… Ah, Hell, everything belongs to JK Rowling in this chapter except for Antonia and a couple of others.(But if she wants the others, she can have them.)

I'm sorry to say, this chapter took a lot out of me.I'm going to take a break…Not a long one, maybe a week or so.I just know that, after this, I can't do this anymore.Not when I have a hard time sleeping over what I've written, or when it takes almost a full pack of cigs to get through writing a chapter.So, in a couple of weeks at the most, I'll be refreshed and ready to embark on the third section of this fic.J

The Wicked Day actually belongs to Mary Stewart.It's the fourth book of her five book Arthurian saga.

Amanita:Um, Amanita is presently being psycho with her husband, so she's not too interested in what a blond slut has to say?

Snape's Girl:A bad man, huh?Damn, but you know how to censor yourself…

W&m_law:Hmm…I'm not really sure if he can or not, but he certainly does _try_.

Prue Halliwell & Tessie:Um, well, I can't really say anything more than read along, and your question will be answered.

Tempesta:It's not nice to gloat!Thanks so much for being my beta reader, my muse, my… blah, blah, blah.I'm just going to have to make a Tribute for Tempesta as a permanent feature in my bio.And, of course, thanks so much for letting me use your poem _Afterlife_ at the end.(It's available for review on ff.net, btw, guys…Okay, shameless plugging over.)

Tom Riddilpley:ff.net has been being evil again.It never did update my fic on the listings…sighI might have gotten some more reviews if it had actually cooperated.grumbles something about evil bastards

Gryffindor:I'll only slap you if you promise to like it.evil grin

Sling the Newsie:Ask and ye shall receive.

Katie Weasley:Bad Katie!Bad!Bad!laughingI caught that little subliminal message, and it wasn't very nice!However, on that note, this chapter is for you, for giving the most facetious, smart-alecky review that I've ever seen in a fic.(Mine or anyone else's.)You certainly did give me a laugh.tries to look sternNow don't say mean things like that anymore.fails miserably

Roll of honor: Amanita Lestrange, Snape's Girl, w&m_law, Prue Halliwell, Tempesta, Tessie (honorable mention to Candace for reviewing 15… hope she's caught up), Tom Riddilpley, §phinx, Gryffindor, Sling the Newsie, and Katie Weasley

"And now, on to our regularly featured program."J

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_He'll have to torture you to death… or he'll die…_Over and over again, those words burned in her ears.

Antonia Snape threw herself face down in the pillows and sobbed.Not polite little sniffles, but awful, heart breaking, gut wrenching, hiccupping sobs.The kind of tears that were shed when a world was falling apart.

She wrapped her arms around her tiny little bulge, sobbing over and over again, "I'm sorry…I'm so very sorry…"There was this tiny little baby who would never have a chance.She was dead, she knew it.At this point, it was just a matter of when… and how.There was no way that this baby could live without her.Not yet.

_Severus_…"Oh, God," she sobbed."He'll die.He'll kill himself if the Dark Lord doesn't do it, first.This can't happen…"

She fished in her pockets and pulled out a very small bottle."What a wonderful poison," she sniffled, a half smile spreading across her face.She remembered the passion that she felt when she made this evil witch's brew; she remembered the passionate lovemaking that she and her husband had done that very day.But most of all, she remembered his hot tears on her breasts when he told her how he loved her.

Antonia popped the cork on the bottle and watched a hideous green vapor rise."I love you, Severus," she whispered.Hesitantly, she drew the bottle up to her lips.

"Ugh!"Antonia pulled it away quickly.Her sense of self-preservation was kicking in, screaming at her to throw it, to shatter it, to destroy the precious potion in her hands.Mentally, she shook herself.Now was no time for selfish survival."You've got to do it, Antonia," she said out loud, trying to convince her self."You're dead, either way.This way, at least you get to keep a little self-respect.It will be quick.It will be painless.Just like drifting off to sleep…"

Her lower lip trembled as her face crumpled to tears."I don't want to die!God damn you, Malfoy!"She closed her eyes and pictured Severus.She could see the anguish on her husband's face when he was told to torture her.Even worse yet, she could see the life of torment looming before him, should he comply and then survive.

"I'm sorry, Severus," she sniffled."I'm being selfish…I know that I'm dead, either way.I can't let them do that to you…"She let out an anguished whimper."I told you that I'd die for you, Severus…It's time for me to prove it."

She closed her eyes and brought the bottle to her lips._Swallow it quick; this is your only shot…_

The potion trickled down her throat and settled in her stomach.She felt the warmth of the potion seeping through her.Almost instantaneously, she felt sleepy, so very, very sleepy…

_Severus…_she thought_, there's so much more that I wish I could tell you…I left you a little gift, darling…I just hope you find it._She yawned, a wide, generous yawn, and felt her head spin._So very, very sleepy…_Antonia lay back on the pillows and closed her eyes.Her dreams were filled with Severus and their son…

Right up until her breathing slowed and her heart stopped.

***

Severus broke off in the midst of their haggling over details.His arm… the Mark… it felt like it was on bloody fire."It doesn't matter what we have planned," he forced out through gritted teeth.He pulled up the long sleeve of his robe and showed Dumbledore the Dark Mark on his arm, now burning as black as Death.

Severus stood to his feet and shook Dumbledore's hand."Sir, I thank you…You've always been a good friend to me.You…Your friendship has been invaluable."Severus turned and walked out the door without another word.

Severus looked nothing like a hero out to save the day.No, he looked like a man that was on his way to meet his executioner, with no fear in his eyes.It was the look of a man that was doing what needed to be done.He didn't have to do this because he was a great man or a beloved hero out to restore peace and understanding to mankind.The appreciation and validation of his peers didn't matter.No.Severus Snape was doing simply what he was born to do.He'd lived by cunning and violence.Now, he was prepared to die the same way, if necessary.

Severus was halfway down the hall when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Wait!" a voice demanded.

Snape turned and looked back at Sirius Black, rushing to catch up with him."What do you want, Black?" he sneered.There was no time for this nonsense.Lord Voldemort had just summoned him.That meant that he was to be there _now_.

"I know that I can't go with you, but I wanted you to know that I'll be waiting for you to bring her home.Just take this with you, in case you need it."

Severus looked down and saw a little thing that looked like a moldy dog biscuit in Sirius's hand."One of you treats?"

Black glared."It's a portkey, dumb ass.It will take you back."He put the biscuit in Snape's left hand, which he promptly shoved in his pocket.The potions master turned and began his lonely walk into the abyss.

"Hey, Snape!" Black called again. 

Severus paused and faced Sirius.

"And, uh…Well, good luck."Black stuck out his hand and Snape took it.

Only for a second.As soon as their flesh made contact, both pulled away as soon as possible._I suppose a lifetime of hatred is too much to overcome,_ Severus thought, his lips twisting into a bitter sneer.

It took him nearly thirty minutes to make it back to the Dark Lord's lair.

"Severus, honestly…As long as it takes for you to make it here, I'm beginning to consider summoning you around an hour before I want you," the Dark Lord remarked coldly.

"I'm sorry, master, it couldn't be helped.I was back at Hogwarts, you see…"

"Ah, yes…Your lovely wife, I assume?" Voldemort spat.

This rattled him, but Severus's glittering black eyes revealed nothing.

"You traitorous bastard…You have betrayed me, haven't you?"Voldemort spit on Snape's crouched form."To think I once called you my son."

He felt the urge to lift the hem of Voldemort's robe and wipe the white ball of spit off of his heavy black robes, but wisely decided against it."I haven't betrayed you, my lord," he murmured coolly, his eyes respectfully downcast."I would never.I value my family too much for such stupidity."

"Prove it," Voldemort sneered.

"What am I to do?"

"Quite simple.I have a prisoner, captured just for you.I expect you to torture her until she is dead.This will be no merciful event.I expect her to die screaming."His glassy red gaze turned to two other hooded Death Eaters."Crabbe, Goyle, bring her.Leave her unharmed."

The two hulking figures in hoods marched out, resembling two very large trolls.Absently, Severus found himself wondering why their knuckles weren't dragging the floor.

Moments later, they returned.One of them was holding a tiny woman with long blond hair.He cradled her like a fragile baby.

The woman was incredibly limp in posture in the Death Eater's arms.She looked so peaceful, so…

"I told you not to harm her!Knocking her unconscious does not fall under that category!" Voldemort screamed in his high pitched, pre-adolescent girl voice.

"Didn't, master," the empty handed one grunted."Found her like that."

"What!"Voldemort marched over and lay his reptilian fingers on her creamy white throat.His shoulders sagged, the Dark Lord mumbling something about incompetence and Cruciatus Curses.

Snape tensed, only being able to take in the scene from the corner of his eye.It couldn't be…

"Take her to Snape," the Dark Lord ordered.

Crabbe or Goyle carried the woman to Snape and lay her before him.

"Look what I have for you, my son," the Dark Lord boasted.

Black eyes drank in that creamy skin, the silken hair…"No," he choked, his voice filled with disbelief as he glided his fingers across that skin.She was so cold…Severus touched his fingers to his wife's beautiful, soft throat that he'd loved to kiss…That familiar throbbing of her pulse…He felt his hands tremble, tears stung his eyes…"Antonia!" he screamed, shaking her.

_No!This can't be happening!_If he held her and rocked her enough, she'd wake.She had to.He loved her; he needed her…

The Death Eater spy gathered his wife in his arms, smoothing back her hair."Please, darling…Don't leave me…"One wet, salty tear struck her face.Antonia didn't flinch; she made no effort to wipe his tear away.

She never would.

At that realization, Snape sobbed in earnest, his whole body racked with agony.He wanted to scream, to howl, to demand the Fates give her back.He did none of that.He could make no sounds, save the occasional whimper coming from his throat.She, his life, his love, was gone.

He lovingly brushed his warm lips against her icy pale ones."Let's go home, my Antonia," he whispered.

He heard the high, cold laugh of the Dark Lord."Not yet," the monstrosity hissed."You only leave when I say you do."He flicked his wand in Snape's direction and hissed, "_Crucio!_"

Snape fell to the floor, feeling his limbs twitch and thrash and burn.This pain was nearly tolerable.He welcomed it; he appreciated it.Now, the ache in his soul had manifested itself to the realm of the physical.He heard anguished screams, and realized that those screams were his own.

How long it lasted, he didn't know, nor did he care.It felt endless, the pain rolling through his body, seeming to crescendo to its limits, only to go higher, more agonizing…Every nerve ending felt as if it were ready to explode from the fiery intensity of the curse.Higher, higher, higher…Severus welcomed it._More_, his aching soul wanted to scream._Send me to eternity to be with her!_

As the world began to grow black around him, he felt himself falling… falling… falling… falling to oblivion, into the void.Then, it stopped.

The soft light of the candles brought his eyes back into focus, yanking him out of the peaceful state of nothingness that had been so close.Severus blinked and groaned.He was quite disappointed to find himself still alive.

There it was, that cruel laughter."You think I'd let you die, traitor?Oh, no, that would never do…It's far, far more punishment to let you live, now that you know what your life has become."The reptile kicked him with a leather boot, sending a tiny flicker of the pain that held him near the throes of death only seconds before.

"You are no longer my child.You are now one of _them_, the filthy muggle lovers who would sully the bloodlines of wizardry to the point of nothingness.Go; be with your own kind.Mourn the loss of your beautiful whore.Knowing how you ache is such a wonderful punishment."The Dark Lord's laughter rang in his ears as Snape cradled his wife in his arms.

"I'll take you home, darling," he whispered comfortingly to her.He scooped her body up in his arms, clutching her against his aching chest as if she were the most precious thing his life had ever known.

But, of course, she was.

He staggered out of the house and into the snow, doing his best to shield his wife from the cold.Finally, he found a place out of the wind.

_The portkey_, he thought.Snape pulled the smelly biscuit out of his pocket.He felt the familiar sensation of being pulled at from the navel, flying, and generally being yanked around.

He landed back in Sirius Black's bedchamber.

"What's happened?" Sirius demanded, seeing Antonia's head loll backward in Severus's embrace.

Gently, Severus lay her down on the sofa, paying no mind to Black.He just looked at her, and stroked her hair.

Hesitantly, Black approached.He reached out and took one of her hands."Gods, she's cold.Moony, get some blankets!"

"She doesn't need blankets anymore," Severus whispered.

Black stilled, getting the meaning of Severus's words, but hoping he was wrong…"What are you talking about?" Black choked.

"I'll go get Dumbledore," Lupin informed them, using his trademark so-very-soothing voice.

Remus Lupin quietly closed the door behind him.

"What the Hell are you talking about, Snape?" Sirius demanded, more fire behind his words.

Severus simply shook his head.He couldn't speak.Not when his throat was so miserably tight, so tight that it was a challenge to breathe.Instead, he rested his head on her breast, yearning to hear her heartbeat.It also served the dual purpose of concealing his tears from Black.

Professor Dumbledore and Remus Lupin entered the chamber together, closing the door and entering the room as silently as Lupin had left it.

Dumbledore looked at the scene before him with sadness in his blue eyes."I'm so sorry, Severus," he offered, regret filling his voice.

Severus could only choke at those words.What does one say when his entire _raison __d'être _is gone?There are no words for that.Just an emptiness.The gut wrenching sense of nothingness, that sick sense that nothing will be happy again.

Sirius shook his head."She's not dead!She's not!It's Draught of the Living Death, it's a really strong sleeping potion, it's anything but that!"He was shouting at Dumbledore, his deep voice booming through the room from the sheer volume of it.

The old headmaster, in spite of the many deaths that he had seen from his days as an auror, could only hang his head sadly.Severus Snape, however, clung to his wife as if she may return at any time.

Albus knelt beside his young friend and put a withered hand on his shoulder."Severus," he murmured kindly, "You really should let us take her to Madam Pomfrey…"

"No," he hissed, tightening his arms around his fallen bride."You won't take her from me._He_ already did that.Everything that I've done for her, everything that I've done against the Dark Side is meaningless.I'm out, Voldemort has determined that I betrayed him.The bastard took her from me because of it.This," he said, holding her hand against his face, "is all that I have left of her."

"She's gone, Severus.She's not there anymore.You need to remember that she'll always be with you, even though she has shuffled off this mortal coil."

His face crumpled."What about our baby?Where will our baby be?"

Dumbledore didn't have an answer for that.

Lupin, however, did."The baby is with her, Severus.She didn't die alone."He swallowed hard.His own grief seemed to be tightly under wraps, however."I'm so sorry," he whispered.

_Sorry_, Severus thought._That has to be about the most meaningless fucking word on the planet.It's very nice for someone to be _sorry_, but that the end of the day, that word has done nothing.Nothing changes.Everything is still gone, my wife is still…_He broke off in his thoughts and let out a single sob.

That one sound spoke volumes to the three other men in the room.There was no doubt in anyone's minds how very lost Severus Snape was now, that he loved Antonia Delaney Snape with every fiber of his being.Severus had lost everything.

He looked up at Sirius Black."You were right, Black," he remarked bitterly.

Black bestowed Snape with a quizzical glance that did nothing for the misery across his face.

Severus continued, "She should have been with you.If she'd left me and gone to you, she'd still be here.I'd rather her be alive and with someone else, just where I can see her and know she's happy than have her gone because she refused to leave me." 

Black's eyes filled with unshed tears."She'd never leave you.I tried so hard, Snape.I wanted her to love me, but she never did.Said she couldn't, she loved you.Said she loved you enough to die for you if she had to.Me?I was just a friend, that clownish sidekick that would amuse her.Never wanted anything more than that, though Gods know that I offered her the world…Or, at least, as much of it as my Gringott's vault could provide."

"Severus," Dumbledore began gently, "You really do need to let us take her up to the hospital wing.Minerva and I will arrange a service for her.We'll take care of all the arrangements.But it's time, son.It's time to let her go.We'll take her to Madam Pomfrey together…"

Snape nodded dumbly.He could, he supposed, have used his wand to carry her, but it just didn't seem right, to give up this last chance to hold her.Using the traditional method that never failed any man, be he mage or muggle, Severus scooped his Antonia up in his arms.

Her head had fallen softly against his shoulder, her beautiful blond hair brushed against his arms.God, she was beautiful.

The trip to the hospital wing was over all too quickly.Poppy, of course, was her brisk and effective self."Put her down on the bed, please, Severus?" she instructed briskly.

Severus shrank away from the school healer."No.You can't fix this, Poppy!Why the Hell should I give her to you?_Give_ her to you, like she's some sort of _thing, _like she's a spare bit of parchment or potion!You're asking me to leave you with my wife!"

At that, Severus sank on to the bed, still holding her, rocking back and forth with her arms."God, Antonia, why?Why did he take you from me?"

She paused."Oh, Severus, I…"

Dumbledore touched her arm gently."Poppy, why don't you leave Severus and me for a few minutes?"

She cast a sympathetic glance at the potions master and nodded.Madam Pomfrey left the room in silence.

The headmaster sat beside his young friend.He remembered so many things about Severus growing up.Albus had seen many students through the years and watched them grow.Not many of them stayed by his side like Severus did.Not many of them would call him friend.Role model, yes.But never friend.

"I know," Albus whispered.

"It feels like Lily all over again, but a thousand times worse.We were happy."Severus took a deep breath."Can I tell you a secret?" he whispered, his sobs subsiding for a moment.

"You know that you can tell me anything," Dumbledore promised.

"When Antonia said that she loved me for the first time…"He hesitated for a moment, "When she said that, it was the first time that I could remember being really, truly happy since Lily died.Now why will I be happy?"

Albus was sick at heart for the colleague that had been like a son to him."Poppy's made something for you to drink, Severus.You'll need to take this," Dumbledore instructed.

Snape nodded stupidly and downed the beverage.After that, everything grew hazy until he remembered nothing more.

_Afterlife_

_ _

_Quicksilver caress, she floats_

_In a fjord of lilac petals._

_Silver sky and emerald hills_

_Surround the slumbering refugee_

_Of a not so peaceful world._

_ _

_Dream on, little darling._

_Dive deep and behold_

_A turquoise paradise lit_

_With prismatic beams of light_

_From above._

_ _

_Breathe deeply, Love, _

_Of your emancipation._

_Fish, those flashing jewels,_

_Are nothing beside your_

_Soul, Light Crowned._


	23. From Her To Eternity: Fear No More

A/N:None of it's mine.Antonia, now departed, belongs to me, all other elements of the fic belong to JKR, WB, and Scholastic Publishing Co.

The title of this chapter comes from a scene in Cymbeline, one of my favorite plays by the late, great William Shakespeare.

If you need a little lighter reading after this fic, I recommend w&m_law's work.You'll find her in my reviews; just click on her, and it will take you to her profile.(It will help you get there faster if you review this chapter…hint!hint!)

Snape's Girl, w&m_law, and Candace:Welcome to reality.It can be cold and bitter, but it's there, whether we want it to be different or not.All good things must come to an end.

Tempesta:I love you, too, babe, and I would have quit writing this a **long** time ago, if not for your encouragement (re: bullying, pushing, and nagging).huggles

PotterLovingAsh:Nope, not forevermore finished.There's still a bit more.Then, of course, there will eventually be fics that explain how we got to this miserable point.

Gryffindor:If you won't enjoy it, then what's the point?; )

Amanita Lestrange:Nope, no hope at all.Thanks so much for all of the comments that you've given me throughout the story.All of them have been carefully saved and considered for the revision.

Tessie:Nope, 'fraid not.

Whitebears: Damn, I'm flattered.

Lindsay Beth:Just wait.It will come.

Rushumble:Many thanks.

*Luna:I'm working on it.I don't have an exact date, simply because real life tends to interfere with online deadlines.

Sling the Newsie & Ginger Donahue:I assure you, it wasn't easy.I've known that this was coming for the last 20 chapters.

§phinx:No, it's not, and yes, she is.

Fiona:That was the point…That so many people had that response means that I did it, and I did it right.As for the rest of your review, no, no, and absolutely not.

Snowbear, Bob spelled backwards, Maeve, Cauis Julius and Katie Weasley:Nope.

The imposer:I promise, I didn't enjoy it.

Now, on with our featured presentation…

***********************************************************************************************

He awoke the next day in his own bed, the bed that he'd shared with Antonia.She was no longer beside him, curled up against him, her thigh so enticingly draped over his hip.Severus was almost convinced that he'd simply had a horrid nightmare, and reached out to find her to reassure himself.Alas, his searching fingertips only felt the coolness of the sheets.

A moment of panic flooded him before he felt it…There was the nausea in the pit of his stomach, the heat rushing up his spine, and the dull ache in his head.He felt it long before the feeling became a thought of awareness.

And then he remembered it.She was gone.He pulled her pillow against him and inhaled deeply.She really was real; she did exist.He could smell her on the pillow, the sweet peachy scent of her perfume washed over his senses.He could remember how she used to sit in bed and grade papers, or how she used to let the fairies brush her hair…

Startled, he looked around.They were gone, too.

"Did you sleep well?" a voice asked, calm and reassuring.Severus blinked once, twice, and saw Albus Dumbledore.

"Did you stay here all night?" he asked numbly.

"Yes, but not to worry, the chair was really quite comfortable."

"It's real, isn't it.This isn't some nightmare that I'll wake up from," Severus sighed.He thought he might cry again, but this time, his eyes were too dried out from crying the night before.

"I'm sorry, Severus," the old wizard replied, gazing at the fire.For the first time since Severus had ever seen the headmaster, Dumbledore looked his age.

"Did they torture her?" the potions master asked, his voice a hesitant whisper.

"No," he answered firmly."Antonia was never tortured.All that blood that you found on her belonged to someone else."

Severus looked around the room.Everywhere he looked, something sparked a memory of her.It was as if the entire chamber soundlessly cried out _Antonia!_The pram was parked in a corner, filled to the brim with blankets and clothes.

All of these delightful little remnants of the life that he'd never have were scattered throughout.There would be no child in the cradle, nor would there be the sound of his wife's laughter.This room would be empty, housing no more than himself… and his memories.

"Sir, I need to be alone…I'll be a bit late for my classes…" Severus began.

Dumbledore cut him off."No need.All classes have been cancelled until her memorial service."At that, the ancient wizard rose to his feet and left the dungeon chamber.

Severus sat in silence for a moment, waiting for Dumbledore to be far enough away…

Enraged, the potions master leaped to his feet and threw the pram across the room, scattering its contents on the stone floor.The pram crashed into a wall, knocking a vase off the shelf.The vase shattered to the floor.

That was a vase that Antonia's fae always kept full with fresh flowers…It now lay on the floor, broken porcelain and wildflowers littering the cold stone.

_Broken_.Just like his life.Everything was lying around him, in tattered ruins.Nothing was left.

Severus picked up one of the infant sized Chudley Canon shirts and hurled it into the fire.The tiny piece of fabric erupted into flames.In seconds, it was unrecognizable.One would have never guessed that fire-eaten rag to once be intended for the son of Severus Snape.In minutes, the garment was gone.

"Gone!Fucking nothing left!" he screamed, flinging a sparkling silver rattle.It hit the bookshelf and landed with a metallic tinkle.A heavier, older tome followed it to the floor, landing with a more solid _thud_.

Antonia's tattered leather volume lay on the floor, slightly open.

Severus stared at the book in silence.Shakespeare's sonnets…

Hesitantly, Severus approached the book.He peered at the book, not sure what would come out of it.Of course, it was an old muggle volume, but who knew what kind of charms his dearly departed wife had placed upon it?

There was one sonnet in there that she loved to read to him…What was it? He sought the little detail, going into the tiny, forgotten crevices of his mind that held the little things that seemed so very inconsequential at the time…Ah, yes.Sonnet number fifty-five was the one that she said was for them.

The wizard slowly reached for the book.

With trembling hands, Severus turned to that page.

_ _

# Not marble, nor the gilded monuments

_Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rime; _

_But you shall shine more bright in these contents_

_Than unswept stone, besmear'd with sluttish time._

_When wasteful war shall statues overturn,_

_And broils root out the work of masonry, _

_Nor Mars his sword nor war's quick fire shall burn_

_The living record of your memory._

_'Gainst death and all-obvious enmity_

_Shall you pace forth; your praise shall still find room_

_Even in the eyes of all posterity_

_That wear this world out to the ending doom._

_So, till the judgment that yourself arise,_

_You live in this, and dwell in lovers' eyes._

_You do shine brightly, my Antonia_, he thought miserably."And you'll always dwell in lover's eyes," he said softly, his throat tight with unshed tears.

Severus turned the pages, seeking out his own favorite sonnet."Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" he murmured, a fat tear drop landing on a yellowed page, "Thou art more lovely and more temperate…"

It was then that he found a piece of parchment, folded so very carefully and tucked within the crevice of the book.

My dearest Severus,

If you are reading this letter, then that means that I am probably dead.After all, I know that nothing else on this earth could inspire you to look through my Shakespearean love sonnets.

There's so much that I wanted to say to you towards the end, but I knew that I could never tell you.To tell you would weaken you at a time that you needed all the strength that you could muster.

I knew that Lord Voldemort wanted me dead.I heard you talking in your sleep.You were plotting out ways to keep him from killing me.I knew why you didn't want me to leave the castle unattended, not even to go out on the grounds.That you were willing to allow Sirius to be my companion when you were unable to do so speaks volumes.I no longer doubted that you trusted me.

I did something to protect myself from torture at their hands.I never told you this, nor did I tell Dumbledore or the children.I began carrying a small vial of a poison that I brewed with me, just in case they captured me.I knew that they would want to torture me.I knew that Lucius would first make sure he got to bed me first, whether I was willing or not.And I wasn't about to let that monster touch me.Not when the only one that I wanted was you.

I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that I died on my own terms.They didn't get to torture me.Most importantly, they didn't get the opportunity to force you to torture me.That was my deepest fear.I knew that they would question your loyalty to the cause as soon as I came into play.And I knew that they would force you to torture me to prove yourself to them, or they'd kill us both.They would brand you a traitor, and give you a much greater torture than they would ever give me.

And being forced to kill me, I know, is something that you would not be able to take.I've always told you that I would die for you.I meant it.

I'm not afraid to die.I know that the one that I've been in love with since I was a child has loved me in return.That, and watching my beautiful children grow up, made it all worth it.Perhaps I've done all that I was meant to do in this life.I do have one regret about this whole thing.I'm so sorry that I never got to carry your child to term.I really did want our baby, Severus.I wanted it so much.Unfortunately, the Fates decided that it wasn't to be.

I love you.Please take care of Matthew and Jonathon.Now that I'm gone, they really have no one else.

I don't want you to fall back into that pit of despair that you were in after Lily's death.There was nothing that you could have done to save me.Had you tried, they would have killed us both.Then who would be there to take care of my sons?

You've paid whatever penance you thought you should have to suffer because of Lily Evans' death.You have no suchpenance to pay for mine.You loved me.That was a far greater gift than any punishment you inflict upon yourself could ever be.

I know that you'll miss me.You'll miss my nagging, my complaining, my hypersensitivity, and, of course, my horrible temper.And, of course, there's nothing like waking up on a Sunday morning with your wife beside you, having fallen asleep after making love.

But it will fade.There will be days when you miss me less.You'll get used to life without me.You'll realize that there actually is life without me.Please remember this, though, my love: you are worth it.You're worth the world to me.And anyone who says otherwise is wrong.Including yourself.

I love you, and I'll be waiting for you on the other side… but don't join me too soon.

Always yours,

Antonia

Severus collapsed on the floor and sobbed.She was dead, and she knew she was going to die.And she'd died because of him.It was _his_ _fault_.All that he'd wanted was to protect her, to keep the monsters at bay, and he couldn't do that.Perhaps because he was one of the monsters.

The black dog trotted through the castle down to the dungeons.The hound loped through the halls and pushed the door open with his nose.Unlike most dogs, this one saw in three dimension, and he couldn't believe what was before his eyes.

The potions master sat on the cold stone floor, a tattered volume before him.In one pale hand was a piece of parchment.The man's face was hidden away, buried in the crook of his elbow and covered by the folds in his robe.The other hand lay buried in limp, greasy hair, curled up into a tight fist.Agonized little sputters and bitter coughs could be heard from his throat.

The dog turned back into a tall and muscular man.Sirius sighed regretfully."I'm sorry, Snape.For what it's worth, I loved her, too."

Severus looked up at his former rival."It's ironic, isn't it?All this time chasing after the same girl, and it was beginning to look like I'd win."He laughed without mirth."The joke's on me, isn't it?Not only did I lose, but I had everything that I ever wanted at my fingertips."Severus pulled himself off the floor and glared at his unexpected visitor."What the Hell do you want, anyway?"

"I was looking for Dumbledore."

Severus looked around."Well, as you can see, he's not here.I'm not in the mood for visitors, particularly one who happens to be an escaped convict in danger of having his soul sucked out," he snarled.

"I miss Antonia, too, Snape.I loved her.I really did."

The potions master sneered."What do you know about love?You 'love' someone different every week."

Black shook his head."No, that's not true.I've loved Antonia since we sat down together at the lake.And I did everything that I could to make her happy, to let her know that I loved her.I wanted her to love me, too, but all that she would say was how happy she was with you."Black perused the potions master, from the top of his greasy black hair to the tips of his black work boots."I still don't understand what she ever saw in you…"

"I wish she _had_ left me to be with you, Black.At least she'd still be alive.It would be enough for me to be able to just look at her and hear her voice, even if she was with someone else."_I killed her, you know…I deserve the Dementor's Kiss.If not for me, she'd never have made a poison for herself.She'd be happy with someone else.She'd still be alive._

Black frowned and shook his head."She'd never have seen it that way.She would have, in fact, told us both to bugger off if we'd even suggested such a thing."

"Probably," Snape replied sullenly.

"I have just one thing to ask…"

Snape glared.

"The blue silk robes…She did like them, didn't she?"

Snape nodded sadly."She really did seem to like it…"

"Would it be okay if she were…If you…She never got to wear them…"

Severus cut him off."If she was buried in them?" he said bluntly.Snape flinched at his own frankness.I think it might be… appropriate…I'll let Minerva know.She and Poppy Pomfrey have handled the arrangements…"

"I understand.Really, though, I am sorry to see this happen…"

Snape silenced him with a glare."I know.Everyone's sorry.Not that it does any good."

Sirius sighed."I guess not.I'm going to check in Dumbledore's office."

"You do that," Snape replied.He lay back in their bed, isolating himself from the rest of the world's well meaning, but utterly useless sympathies.

***

He was a broken man.He sat in the front row, listening to them speak.They extolled the virtues of his wife, speaking of her beauty, her talent, her bravery.It was all meaningless to him.She was gone.

Dumbledore stood up to speak."Something that not many of us knew about Antonia was her love of Shakespeare.This passage from Cymbeline is so very appropriate…"

He began to read.

# "Fear no more the heat o' th' sun

_Nor the furious winter's rages;_

_Though thy worldly task hast done,_

_Home art gone and ta'en thy wages._

_Golden lads and girls all must,_

_As chimney-sweepers, come to dust._

_ _

_"Fear no more the frown o' th' great;_

_Thou art past the tyrant's stroke._

_Care no more to clothe and eat;_

_To thee the reed is as the oak._

_The scepter, learning, physic, must_

_All follow this and come to dust._

_ _

_"Fear no more the lightning flash,_

_Nor th' all-dreaded thunderstone;_

_Fear no slander, censure rash;_

_Thou hast finished joy and moan._

_All lovers young, all lovers must_

_Consign to thee and come to dust._

_ _

_"No exorciser harm thee,_

_Nor no witchcraft charm thee._

_Ghost unlaid forbear thee;_

_Nothing ill come near thee._

_Quiet consummation have,_

_And renowned be thy grave."_

Dumbledore spoke his own words, rather than the hallowed words of the great playwright once more."She died for what she believed in, and she died a hero's death…"

Severus remained silent, his shoulders shaking with barely repressed sobs.

Even Ron and Harry, accompanied by the Weasley family, felt sorry for the potions master.

Jonathon and Matthew Carter sat on either side of Snape, looking as bereaved as he did.Harry never realized, until now, that those two boys in Ravenclaw were hers.

Dumbledore stepped down from the podium, and motioned for Severus to speak his peace.After all, Severus loved her.He would grieve for her in a way that none could understand.Perhaps her boys would come close to understanding his pain, but their pain would be vastly different from his own.There's no comparison to the loss of a lover and soul mate to that of a mother.

Minerva took Severus by the arm and guided him up to the space by Antonia's casket."Severus," she said gently, "You need to speak."

He stood by her casket, and looked at her face.So still, so cold.She was, if it were possible, more beautiful in the embrace of death than she'd ever been in life.

"There isn't much that I can say," he began hollowly."I love her, and she loved me.I don't know how I was so lucky, because I certainly didn't deserve her.And now?I…"He cast one more bereft look at the casket and sank down on his knees beside it.He took her cold hand in his warm one.

For Severus, everyone in the room ceased to exist.He was with her, and that was all that mattered…"You were my best friend, Antonia.No, you were my only friend.Why did you do it?I could have saved us both.I know I could…"

Hot, salty tears fell from his face, marring the perfection of the blue silk robes that Sirius had given her so many months ago.Gods, she looked so much like an angel…He didn't want her to be an angel.He wanted her to be here, still alive, laughing and smiling or calling him an asshole.He didn't care what.He just wanted her to be with him.

He choked on a sob when he realized what he would never again have, and what he would never experience.He'd never get to see her belly grow round with their child.Nor would he get to watch their child being born, or teach that child… it would be a little boy… how to brew his first potion, or how to…Well, how to do anything.

His entire life had just been taken from him, and all his hopes and dreams had gone with it.There was nothing left.He was just… a shell.An empty, broken shell of the man that he used to be.

"My Antonia," he whispered in her ear, brushing his lips against her face.Her skin was no longer soft and silken.No, now it was cold and unyielding, more like a mask, rather than the sweet countenance that had smiled upon him just days ago.

The others began to file out of the chapel, leaving Severus almost alone with his wife…Almost.

Minerva walked up beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder."Severus, you can have a few more minutes with her, but you really do need to let her go."

"I'm not leaving her again.It's because I left her in the first place that we are here," Severus replied, his voice icy.

"Severus, please…"Minerva had hoped that she would be able to coax him into letting them take Antonia to the burial plot on the edge of Hogwarts grounds.

"No.I will not leave her."

"Matthew and Jonathon need you, Severus.You're the only parental figure that they have left.Can't you at least think of _them_?"

He glared at her, an icy sneer etched across his face."I prefer to wallow in my own selfish grief, thank you."

Minerva found herself filled with sympathy for Severus Snape.Now who would love the potions master?She shook her head and dragged herself out of her reverie."Severus, you can't sit here with her forever.It won't bring her back.

"Don't you understand?" Snape screamed."I don't _care_ about the fucking cause anymore!I don't give a damn if the Dark Lord kills every fucking wizard in England!Antonia is dead!And it's because of me!_I killed my wife!_"

"If you want to see Antonia die for nothing, then, fine.Be inactive.Sit there and cry.Let the bastards who killed her take over.Let them kill her halfblood sons," she responded coldly."Or, you can make her life and death mean something, and you can do your best to bring him down."

"Just get the Hell out.I need to be alone," he snarled, his pale face twisting into a mask of grief and hatred.

McGonagall stood her ground, trying to think of something to say.He was just so shattered…There had to be some comfort that she could offer this man.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me…I said _get out!_"Severus glared at her, a loathing sneer etched across his face.

Minerva sighed."I'll go, but the solitude won't make you hurt any less."At that, the transfiguration professor walked out of the funeral hall, giving Severus the miserable isolation that he'd demanded.


End file.
